This video discusses normal divorce bitterness vs. crazy divorce bitterness. As you can probably guess, Crazy’s version of divorce bitterness is anything but normal. It’s bitterness on a cocktail of steroids and crystal methamphetamine.
Don’t make Crazy angry. You won’t like Crazy when she’s angry — HULK OUT!
Divorce grief, which is a process normal people go through to varying degrees and follows certain predictable patterns, will also be discussed. As you know, Crazy is not normal. Nevertheless, the grief process of disordered individuals also follows a predictable pattern of unabating anger. In other words, not healthy.
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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.
Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.
How can you say goodbye to crazy when it seems they will never leave your life, they will always deeply feel that abandonment 15 – 20 years later and even after they find someone else? Can you really say goodbye to crazy for good, is that possible?
Dr Tara Palmatier says
YOU have to be the one to say goodbye. And you do that by creating boundaries and enforcing them. Reading Say Goodbye to Crazy would probably be a helpful read for you.
I see what you mean, if they do come back at you with something years later you just have to keep to those boundaries you have set in place already. I guess you can’t control what they do in the future only the way you deal with them.
How do you walk away when the crazy is your wife, a young child is involved and your in a mommy state? Where the courts rule in favor of the mom. How do you function knowing the conditions and trama your child is going through? The courts rule that she has control of all aspects of the childs life and as the father you get limited time and access with your child?
Jackie, im in that boat. I have a physically abusive wife, 2yr old boy, and live in ca. ive called the cops to the house this yr to document a vicious attack on me. my wife can be the sweetest person but lately she has gone off the tracks w her irrational behavior. its hormones for sure but still. all I said to set her off was that I wanted to only buy organic fruit. she hit me w a pillow and kicked me, I currently have ice on my hand as I think she dislocated my thumb by kicking me w uggs on. typing one handed at the moment. I locked myself in the office room and told her I would call the police if she didn’t go away. after a bunch of pounding it sunk in that she should go cool off. if the cops come again its going to get messy quick,
I just started researching abused husbands. my wife checks all the boxes. bipolar, manic, abandonment issues from a sick divorce that split her family. older sister went w the dad to a city nearby where he dated the nanny….we tried counciling after the cops incident. I slept in my car for a week st8. th therapy didn’t really address the elephant in the room which was her belligerent behavior (surprise, my wife is a closeted alcoholic too). im mellow, avoid confrontation if possible. so im definitely getting pushed around both physically and mentally. she would prob say in a heartbeat to lawyers/cops that it was the other way around. shr may have already for all i know. she knows more about how the system works as she dealt with child protective services as a kid. I think the only solution is to get her back in therapy. I know she will go again, she loves to be dramatic, crym,and be manipulaye. but I fear im in denial. ive probably gone through 50 physical altercations w her. evertime wemake up. but is me who is at physical risk of something serious happening. she “attempted” suicide yrs ago after I said I was leaving her. it was a bit dramatic. she stood off the edge of building. held knives to her wrist in bath tubs, etc. no one that knows her would think she acts like this. ive called the police to inquire what to do bc i fear she might actually fall off a balcony or something and i might get blamed for ger death. seriously, i was very nervous living on the 4th floor. now im in a house. shes an amazing person. but she has demons that will not go away as her depressed family lives in the same city. Its a tough spot for me being I don’t want to be a divorced parent. im not sure, people would think im mad for leaving her. shes a 10 on any guys scale. i could never tell people my smoking hot latino wife who weighs 115 pds abuses me and i had to leave her and my beautiful son to go live the bachelor life in my 30s, been married 5 yrs, together 10. met in college.
my wife comes from 2 alcoholic divorced parents who are still both in her life. her mom is on antidepressants and in AA. her deadbeat dad just got in AA. thought for sure he was going to die, never saw him not drinking for our 10 yrs.
ill take any advise. i don’t save much so theres not a lot to divide in a divorce. but thinking i could only see my son on weekends would kill me. and taking the kid away from his mom would prob kill her. so theres really no good solutions….sigh
I am the girlfriend of a man who is newly divorced from “crazy” and I am so happy to see this website. Let me tell you a little. He and I met on a dating site and met in person the day after their divorce was finalized. We hit it off immediately and became committed pretty quickly. They had been separated for several months before we met. I saw this man to be very honest, sweet, caring, open, hard working man. We have been together for 7 months and currently live together and things are going great… with us. The ex on another hand, is crazy. At first, things were quiet, I assumed the situation was that they had just been married too early and they were just really sick of each other. I now know that there is more to it than that. She had convinced him to give her full custody of their 16 yr old son because frankly, my boyfriend was broken, he lost their home, and his life had become a mess. When he met me, he started to get back on his feet and occasionally we invited his son to stay with us on weekends. This only lasted for a month or so until things started to fall apart. Because he barely saw his son, he was unaware what was happening at home. He had been getting in to a lot of trouble, she had put him on psychotropic drugs rather than deal with the issues he was having, he spiraled down quickly and she started using us as his “jailer” as when she couldn’t handle him she would send him to us. He would be mostly good while he was with us but after a while he would just run away from her rather than have his father pick him up. It’s gotten to the point now where he is in state custody and she’s forbid my boyfriend from having any contact with him. He’s complied for fear of making the situation worse and we don’t have enough money for a lawyer. When they were together she was in complete control of the relationship, berated him and lectured him constantly. He wanted to be there for the kids so he stayed, even though she constantly undermined his authority. She’s the one who asked for the divorce and then was upset that he gladly gave it to her. Almost like it was another test. I have never met her, but now, when he sees her while trying to deal with his son, she belittles him and me, telling him that I must me naive and stupid to stay with him because he is this horrible monster (he most definitely is not), he should have dumped me because i did not want his son staying with us (after i found out about the drugs and erratic behavior, i have a teenage daughter to protect). They also have an adult daughter who by all appearances she has turned her against him too. This woman very much has the jeckyll and hyde syndrome, she is an elementary school teacher and she knows how to use her credentials to her advantage. She has ripped his family, home and half his pay from him and destroyed their son with her crazy. My heart breaks for him because after 7 months I have seen him to be all the things that I described him as above. I have also been a victim of crazy on the man’s side with my daughter’s father, but i was lucky to be able to escape that relationship early and we are both very healthy and independent. I knew I wanted to find someone who was healthy too. But I had never considered men having to deal with these same problems and how little support they get compared to a woman. So what I’m saying is… men, don’t give up, and don’t think all women are like this. Find a woman who likes you for who you are and appreciates you and will stand by you. We are out here supporting you. We have a wonderful relationship and I’m so happy that I’m able to help him face these things, so dont be scared to step away from abuse. If you keep your pride you will find someone who appreciates you. Thanks for this site, it has really helped me make sense of everything that is going on.
My name is Patrick and like most of you on this site I’ve been in an abusive relationship for many years. I only was able to understand fully this behavior and categorized it as passive aggressive personality disorder. However reading this site, many of the traits just seem to be aggressive personality. Everything here mentioned about “crazy” describes her in full detail. That said, I need to find a way out of this. I’m not in denial, I know how to deal with most of the behaviors and I have no remorse about leaving or knowing what it is I need to do. So in some respects I’m a lot further ahead since researching this behavior over the last several years.
Now beings the horror show. As this person projects all of her dysfunction on me such as, having relationships outside the marriage, being selfish, being abusive the list goes on…. She has no self-awareness nor can she be reasoned with even if you point out the bad behavior has it’s happening. I am blamed for every terrible behavior she has and she does not take an ounce of responsibility for any of her behavior. Now that we have agreed to divorce comes the horror show. She has been doing nothing but building a case on a manufactured reality which she lives in. She’s gone after friends and family, social media to try and take away all people in my life and to try to build an army of sympathizers to her cause. Nothing makes sense, one day is one thing, the next is something else. She continues to verbally abuse me almost every day. Luckily for me and since she can not control her behavior she has had 2 police reports filled against her. The first one being she called the police saying I physically abused her. The police investigation reveled she was the aggressor and told her I was not getting arrested nor did I have to leave the house. They told her if she has an issue she must leave. Where she then threatened to damage my belongings. This didn’t happen since the officer told her if she did this, she would be arrested. The second time I had to call police where once again she was found to be the aggressor. This situation is growing in volatility every day. I can not afford to move out, even if I had a place to go given New Jersey laws I’m not sure my leaving would not give her more claim to custody of our 16 and 13 year old children. She has also not agreed to any means for me to get money to retain an attorney. She refuses to get a line on our house, nor will she agree to sell either of the 2 homes we own. She’s been on a spending spree since we agreed to divorce, just since October 2015 she’s spent over 7000.00 on personal spending, clothes, gifts, general shopping, hair/nails… She also recently took what ever savings we had.
I’ve never felt so desperate and helpless in my entire life. All I want to do is get away from this person. I have no doubt she is going to drive this divorce to litigation. I have seen an attorney but can not afford the retainer at this time. She’s helped in refuting many of the claims made by my wife and has given me a small sense of peace of mind for now.
What I haven’t seen on this site or anywhere else for that matter is how to deal with the crazy once you’ve decided to kick it to the curb? How does one deal with the financial and legal process with someone who is being completely uncooperative? I’m able to recognize and counter her bad behavior most of the time. What I can’t do is figure out a way out of this. I don’t know legally if I can separate of finances and take control of my own income so I can begin saving for lawyer fees? Some advice in this area would be exetremly welcomed.
Thanks for listening…