Forewarned is forearmed and, when it comes to Crazy, ignoring the warning signs is not only foolish, it is potentially hazardous to your emotional, physical and financial health.
Sometimes you can see Crazy coming a mile away. Sometimes the Crazy is so overt you can see the red flags waving from outer space. In fact, sometimes Crazy will tell you straight up, “I’m crazy (LOL!)” on your first date.
Here are some real life examples:
- There’s a huge woodblock of the word “Princess” in her apartment.
- Noting that Oprah doesn’t help men drives her into a rage.
- When she rages at you for an hour plus on the phone, you can put the phone down, walk to the bathroom, pee, wash your hands, pick the phone back up and she didn’t notice you left.
- She throws such a fit of rage at her 10-year old’s softball tournament that the park shuts down all the games, has the teams meet in the middle of every field, and calls the cops on her. Her child is subsequently removed from the softball team and you are banned for life from the softball park.
If you ignore the obviously crazy ones out of pity or the in the hopes of having “crazy sex,” you may well regret your recklessness later. Crazy is like Vegas — the house always wins. It’s very difficult to walk away from Crazy completely unscathed.
Sometimes the red flags are more subtle, but present nonetheless. Stealth Crazy is trickier. These individuals often seem to have good excuses for their bad behavior when the mask slips during the love bombing phase. The high functioning ones (i.e., better able to hide the crazy) can often keep a lid on the crazy until after you legally bind yourself to her through marriage or children.
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
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Doug Hart says
Crazy is like Vegas — the house always wins.
What a classic!!!!!!!!
Equally don’t expect any return if you keep pouring money into the slot machine!
Its the stealth/subtle ones that are so challenging…many cross over into sociopath and NPD, folks w/o a conscience and not-so-emotional, so the red flags don’t appear until way later.
Having ran into a few crazies and recalling red flags from the beginning, it’s those late ones that I’m most scared of for my next relationship.
Jack Strawb says
Thanks for carrying the message. It’s too late for me in some senses. I met the gifted sociopath too good at hiding her destructive insanity while too young to realize exactly how vicious a woman can be. I broke it off after five weeks but she was still stalking me thirty years later.
As boys growing up we’re told that women are special, and deserve special privileges. That men are the violent gender. That men have nothing to fear from women, and were never taught to take precautions against that one woman who can destroy a man’s life.
It’s a crying shame, too, because most women are terrific. I generally adore their sensibilities and sensitivities. The right woman can be magnificent, but the wrong one, dear god, what a nightmare.
Given what a lousy job we do of educating young men on how one malicious woman can grotesquely distort their lives I was glad to find your website with it’s critical message that women are people. There are great ones, and there are ones to run like hell from. Young men need to know how to protect themselves from the latter. Cheers.
i have to admit I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF! I just spent 30-45 minutes composing a very relevant comment only to have it disappear after I clicked on “post it” because I apparently had been logged out for some reason therefore nothing was saved when i logged back in. I don’t know if I “timed out” or what happened but its extremely frustrating when that happens.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
I’m sorry that happened. I know how frustrating it can be. I have gotten into the habit of copying my comments where ever I am posting before clicking “post” or “submit.”
Thank you for acknowledging my frustration. To be clear I wasn’t pissed off at you. I don’t think I could ever find any fault with you, Dr. T. What you preach is my religion. You are my Pope. I wish I had found you sooner but better late than never…
I’ll try again but I’ll have to omit much of what I had tried to post earlier. The bottom line is a young man took his own life on Sept. 05, 2014 because of one of these c_ _ts. Four years ago I tried to warn this guy about the “new hot chick” who suddenly couldn’t keep her hands off of him. I knew exactly what was going to happen to him because the same chick had just ruined my life. I told him to peep this site. I still have the text. He texted back that I was being disrespectful of his new girlfriend. I just wished him good luck at that point. He’s not the first to leave this world because of her and he probably won’t be the last. Unfortunately, he left behind 2yr old twins she had by him. I just have 1 daughter by her who she has stolen from me. This bitch needs to be stopped. But, she lives to find another victim. Beware
Online profile from dating website. Doesn’t sound too crazy…er…
Cats don’t chase dogs, dogs chase cats! Have men lost their primal instinct to hunt? What has happened to chivalry, courtship, dating, men picking up the phone?
Let’s start off with I am not perfect or normal: I have never been married but I am not broken, I have no children but I’m a woman child trapped in an adults life. I have lived a life that other women only dream of. I sing off key…..the neighbors dogs think it’s a mating call and I dance around my house like an elf at Christmas. I’m well aware I’m not everyone’s cup of tea…… I’d rather be one man’s shot of tequila anyways. I want a man to cherish me, protect me, and communicate openly and honestly with me. I was recently told I give too much both physically and emotionally (apparently that’s my flaw). I sometimes have a tendency to open my own door, pull out my own chair, walk on the wrong side but I am trying. …I’m not perfect but I give new meaning to adorable. I work out obsessively because it makes me feel good and I like to look good naked. I eat very healthy but won’t hesitate to stop at In-N-Out for a burger, fries and shake.
If you are truly looking for a “real” long term relationship and I have captured your attention then keep reading…….I’m only looking for one man to find his way into my heart and share in my life. Although I have never been married I have been in love twice and given my whole heart to someone faithfully for 10 years. I have learned from past relationships….. Broke a few hearts and had mine broken more than once.
I was my parents ultimate stress test and gave my Mom all her grey hairs but they couldn’t be more proud of who I’ve become. I was blessed with two great dads in my life and am a daddy’s girl.
When I hang out with my girlfriends we play hard, have fun and gossip about men (but I hold the highest respect for the man I am with and keep our life private). I love country music but can’t country dance, but I try.
I’m not needy or whiny but I am touchy feely. I’m passionate and affectionate and not afraid of public displays of affection. I am a bit old fashioned in some ways. I love holding hands and making out. I still believe in the lost art of courtship, dating and getting to know one another, a man picking up the phone and verbally asking a woman out. I do not believe in getting to know someone by TEXT! A man picks up the phone, a boy texts….
If you are my man you will see it in my eyes every time you walk into the room. You will always take my breath away. My smile can be infectious and I bite my bottom lip when I’m reading your dirty mind. I laugh out loud and sometimes snort when I laugh. I talk a lot and sometimes too loud. Nothing is sexier to me than a strong, smart, confident, self-sufficient man w/ a bit of an edge who can make me laugh. I don’t care for drama I took that class in school. If you play games it better be on the field or on a board.
It’s not all about looks, looks fade, but I do want someone who takes pride in their appearance and takes care of himself both physically and mentally. I want and deserve love from a strong, supportive, kind, passionate, man that will cherish me, protect me, stand by my side (right or wrong, logical or illogical). A man who appreciates nice things but ultimately couldn’t care less about them in comparison to forming a deep, meaningful connection, someone who can be serious and sensual one moment and have a sense of humor the next. Someone who is ambitious, active and loves the outdoors and who never takes anything for granted, especially me.
There has to be a connection, chemistry and communication! I want to grow and share with a man but not lose my identity. I love that we both have our own lives but share in each other’s too.
I learned a valuable lesson at 21, “You only have one thing in this world and that is your word”.If you screw up, own it. If you forget, then just say you did. I will respect you.”
Jack Strawb says
” I was recently told I give too much both physically and emotionally (apparently that’s my flaw).” –That made me laugh. I guarantee that’s not her flaw.
@Jack – the entire profile made me laugh…and shiver with fear. Scary stuff. She comes right out & says she’s ‘not normal’ (i.e., crazy) several times. Gave her parents gray hairs. I mean, this is essentially yet another self-written profile of a self-professing psychopath. Need to start compiling these into a ‘Band of Brothers Bible’ or something and publish it, or call it ‘Cliffs Notes on Crazies’ or maybe ‘Psychopaths for Dummies’. Get it published and required reading for boys/guys in junior high & above.
There are a LOT of women on online dating sites with stuff like “I can be a little crazy but I’m harmless” or “I’m a devil and an angel at the same time” crap. And if you’re not tuned in, you’ll read right past it. Same applies to anything talking about how she’s a princess or she needs a man to take care of her, etc – all things that a mature/smart person just wouldn’t let out of their mouths.
Itza Sekret says
My guideline… these days… “Immodesty betrays narcissism.”
Really surprising how useful it’s been.
A friend once gave me the following advice about women, which I now take to be my guiding principle for dating. He said that there are three essential questions you need to ask about a girl you are interested in dating: 1) Does she have a bad relationship with her father? 2) Has she ever done drugs (and this includes prescription drugs)? 3) Has she ever tried to harm herself or tried to commit suicide? If she answers yes to any of these questions, run like hell!