Female Stalkers, Part 1: What is Stalking and Can Men Be Stalked by Women? discusses statistics and research on stalking behaviors, which gender engages in stalking behaviors more, what constitutes stalking, who is more likely to stalk, and why it’s important for men to be able to identify stalking behaviors in women. This article provides a list of common stalking and harassment behaviors. It also discusses the distinction between non-dysfunctional romantic pursuit behaviors and stalking and harassment.
Why Are Men More at Risk?
Many men don’t realize that their exes, girlfriends and wives engage in behaviors that can be described as stalking and harassment. In many cases, these behaviors could be classified as criminal. Stalking and harassment are also a form of abuse. In some ways, men are more at risk for these behaviors because many stalking acts engaged in by female stalkers are considered to be acceptable female courtship behaviors. To be clear, the behaviors cited in this article are not normal. They’re often an indication of pathology.
Male stalking victims are more vulnerable than their female counterparts because:
- Men are more likely to be held responsible for their own victimization (e.g., he deserved it).
- Female perpetrators aren’t considered as dangerous as male perpetrators.
- Society and law enforcement do not take male stalking victims seriously.
- Stalking by an ex-partner is generally considered less dangerous than stalking cases involving strangers (Sheridan et al, 2003).
Several studies show male victimization can be just as severe as female victimization (Palarea et al., 1999). Furthermore, ex-intimate partners have been consistently shown to be the most common and dangerous kind of perpetrator (Zona, Palarea, & Lane, 1998). While men comprise approximately half of stalking and harassment victims, they’re still routinely portrayed as the predators in these situations and don’t receive the same attention and support as female victims.
Stalking and Harassment Behaviors List
When you first begin dating someone and are in the first blush of excitement, it’s acceptable to text or email repeatedly throughout the day, explore the other person’s interests, drop by to visit without an invitation and generally make yourself available to her or him. After a break-up, many of these behaviors may also be acceptable if one or both parties are attempting a reconciliation, but when do these behaviors cross the line from romantic pursuit to stalking and harassment?
In order to compile a list of stalking behaviors, I reviewed four stalking/harassment/perpetration assessment scales: 1) the Composite Stalking Scale (Davis, Ace, & Andra, 2000; Dye & Davis, 2003); 2) the Courtship Persistence Inventory (Sinclair & Frieze, 2000); 3) the Relationship Pursuit (Cupach & Spitzberg, 2000; 2004) and 4) the Unwanted Pursuit Behavior Inventory (Palarea & Langhinrichsen-Rohling, 1998; Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Palarea, Cohen, & Rohling, 2000). The following list of behaviors are a compilation from these scales:
- Spying on you.
- Following you.
- Driving by your house, place of work, school or other locations where you’re likely to be.
- Tracing your whereabouts, activities and other relationships on Facebook, Twitter and other social media.
- Hacking into your computer, email, Facebook accounts, etc. (i.e., electronic stalking).
- Creating a false identity to gain access to your Facebook/social media pages or enlisting a friend to do so.
- Stealing your post mail.
- Going through your trash.
- Breaking into your car, home or office.
- Seeking out your friends, family and colleagues to talk about you/get information about you.
- Searching for information about you by means other than asking you for it.
- Threatening to harm/kill herself.
- Threatening to harm/kill you.
- Threatening to harm/kill your children.
- Threatening to harm/kill your new wife/girlfriend, children, family members or friends.
- Threatening to harm/kill a pet.
- Threatening your job and your reputation.
- Threatening your freedom by making false allegations to the police.
- Threatening to/destroying your property or your loved one’s property.
- Sending you unwanted gifts.
- Violating protective orders.
- Verbally abusing you.
- Physically abusing you.
- Psychologically abusing you.
- Vandalizing your property or a loved one’s property.
- Threatening to divulge information that would be harmful to you.
- Blackmailing you.
- Holding you physically or blocking your egress to force you to speak with/listen to her.
- Taking you someplace against your will to force you to talk with her.
Forcing you or tricking you into having sex (e.g., getting you intoxicated).- Calling you repeatedly to discuss “the relationship” or showing up on your doorstep uninvited to discuss “the relationship.”
- Showing up uninvited to your home, school or place of work to see you.
- Invading your personal space by standing too close or brushing against you.
- Doing unrequested favors.
- Insisting that you “be friends.”
- Seeking physical proximity by applying for jobs where you work, joining your gym, church, professional/social/sports groups or clubs, moving into your neighborhood or building, etc.
- Manipulating/coercing you into dating or rekindling the relationship.
- Making exaggerated expressions of affection to you and your friends and family (e.g., saying , “I love you” within a few days/weeks of knowing you or after the break-up; doing unwanted favors, giving your friends and family gifts, etc.)
- “Befriending” your current romantic partner in order to harm the relationship and/or monitor you.
- Telling stories about you to family, friends and loved ones to show how well she knows you.
- “Friending” your friends to get close to you.
- Enlisting your friends to intercede on her behalf to talk or be involved with her.
- Trying to destroy your other relationships — both platonic and intimate.
- Calling you repeatedly and hanging up.
- Repeatedly texting/emailing/leaving voicemails.
- Sending photos of herself or of the two of you or posting photos of the two of you together on Facebook and other social networks.
- Writing about you or tweeting about you.
- Smearing and defaming you online to get your attention or to punish you.
- Objectifying you so that she can abuse, attack, malign and hurt you without feeling empathy or remorse.
- Leaving or sending threatening objects. For example, marked up photos of you, photos taken without your knowledge, pornography, weapons, drugs, bizarre objects like an animal heart or soiled feminine hygiene product, etc. True story: A client’s formally diagnosed BPD client put her vibrator and pictures of her using it on herself in his mailbox. This is while there was a non-harassment order in place.
- Stealing your personal objects to possess a part of you.
- Using the court and law enforcement to harass you (e.g., making false allegations, filing restraining orders, petitioning the court for frivolous changes in custody, etc.)
- Attempting to take your children away or limit your access by making false allegations or engaging in Parental Alienation.
This list is by no means exhaustive. Additionally, research finds that female stalkers tend to be more “creatively aggressive” in their stalking acts, tend to engage in cyber-stalking with greater frequency, are more motivated by the desire for an intimate relationship with their victim, and are more likely to engage in stalking activities during daylight hours than their male counterparts (Alexy et al, 2005; Purcell et al., 2001, p. 2056). [*To spare myself comments pointing out that men engage in these behaviors, too; yes, they do. However, I tailor myself writing for a male audience.]
The Courtship-Pursuit-Stalking Behaviors Distinction
How does one best distinguish between enthusiastic romantic pursuit behaviors and stalking and harassment? Perception can be subjective. Ergo, one man’s bunny bolier is another man’s love bomber. In other words, many of the codependents I work with initially experienced common love bombing behaviors as flattering. While healthier men and women find love bombing overwhelming, over the top, too much too soon and sometimes downright creepy.
Additionally, people who lack boundaries can usually experientially understand something isn’t right about the harassment and stalking behaviors of borderlines and narcissists. However, they have difficulty articulating why it feels uncomfortable to them. Then, I explain what constitutes harassment and that feeling uncomfortable, pressured, irritated, etc., is a natural emotional response to being harassed and hunted like an impala on the Serengeti.
Questions to Determine If You’re Being Harassed or If You Have a Number #1 Fan
Based on the research and my professional experiences, here are some questions to ask yourself. if you’re unsure or confused by what yo distinguishing between courtship/reconciliation behaviors and stalking/harassment:
- Are their behaviors unwanted? In other words, would you prefer they stop, go away and leave you alone?
- Do their behaviors make you uncomfortable, annoyed, irritated, fearful, anxious, paranoid or angry? As a result, are you depressed, having difficulty sleeping, concentrating, etc?
- Do their behaviors cause your family, friends, current girlfriend/wife to feel uncomfortable, annoyed, irritated, fearful, anxious, paranoid or angry?
- Have you changed your routine, so she or he isn’t able to “accidentally” show up where you’re typically likely to be?
- Do you feel paranoid and even find yourself looking over your shoulder because you’re worried she could just pop up? Perhaps because she already has?
- Has her behavior resulted in you to being less open about your life, accomplishments or good fortune due to fear she’ll act out or go crazy from jealousy and/or a longing to be included in these aspects? Have you closed down your social media due to the unwanted attention?
- Are her behaviors causing you to spend money (e.g., attorney’s fees, security systems, call blocking apps, etc.), time and energy to avoid her, neutralize the effects of her behaviors and/or get her to back off?
- Has the individual persisted in these behaviors after you’ve specifically told them you’re not interested, to leave you alone and/or to stop?
Please check back in a few days for the third article in this series, which will discuss common personality characteristics of women who stalk and the personality characteristics of men who are more likely to become their targets.
Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to [email protected].
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References:
Alexy, E. M., Burgess, A. W., Baker, T., & Smoyak, S. A. (2005). Perceptions of cyberstalking among college students. Brief Treatment and Crisis Intervention, 5, 279-289.
Davis, K. E., Ace, & Andra, M. (2000). Stalking perpetrators and psychological maltreatment of partners: anger-jealousy, attachment insecurity, need for control, and break-up context. Violence and Victims, 15: 407-425.
Dye, M. L. & Davis, K. E. (2003). Stalking and psychological abuse: common factors and relationship-specific characteristics. Violence and Victims, 18: 163-180.
Palarea, R. E., Zona, M. A., Lane, J. C., & Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J. (1999). The dangerous nature of intimate relationship stalking: Threats, violence, and associated risk factors. Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 17, 269-283.
Sheridan, L., Gillett, R., Davies, G., Blaauw, E., & Patel, D. (2003). ‘There’s no smoke without fire’: Are male ex-partners perceived as more entitled to stalk than acquaintance or stranger stalkers? British Journal of Psychology, 94, 87-98.
Sinclair, H. C. & Frieze, I. H. (2000). Initial courtship behavior and stalking: how should we draw the line? Violence and Victims, 15: 23-40.
Zona, M. A., Palarea, R. E., & Lane, J. C. (1998). Psychiatric diagnosis and the offender-victim typology of stalking. In J. R. Meloy (Ed.), The psychology of stalking (pp. 69-84). San Diego, CA: Academic Press.
“Recruitment by proxy” or telling lies to others that you abused them, stalking them or the likes in an effort to get them to bully or intimidate you. The classic “Captain Save a damsel in distress” response.
This is a great example, which is related to sscrambled’s comment below. He tried to save his former BPD damsel in distress and it came back to bite him on the backside.
Hi Dr. T. I really appreciate the effort you put into researching your articles. Thank you for keeping up the campaign!
I do want to point out how problematic it is to talk about stalking as consisting of things which make you uncomfortable, cause you to be paranoid, or even go against requests to “stop”, when we are talking about people with borderline personality disorder.
When I was breaking up with my exBPDgf, she accused me of doing all these things – and in fact she even tried to take out a restraining order against me, on the grounds that I was harassing her. I knew perfectly well that what I was doing couldn’t be construed as harassment by any reasonable person (what I tried to do was to get a reasonable explanation for why she hated me all of a sudden, and to get her acquaintances to check up on her and make sure she wasn’t going to try to kill herself). Trouble is, she’s not a reasonable person, and as I came to understand it, she genuinely did believe that I was stalking and harassing her, just as strongly as I believed that I wasn’t. And by extension, I imagine that she genuinely thought I deserved the vitriolic emails, the threatening phonecalls in the middle of the night, and the defaming me to everyone we knew, that she subjected me to. To say the least, it was a very educational experience, and in fact I sometimes toy with the idea of publishing our correspondence from that time so that other people can get to see just how these minds work. Maybe one day;)
But I guess my point is, I agree, Nons are very much at risk, not just because they’re mostly male (though that compounds it), but because we have an intrinsic belief that people are fundamentally good and decent, and we have a tendency to act that way towards others, no matter how “scrambled” they really are. And through this experience, firstly I for one have become an advocate for educating people about abusive relationships and protecting oneself in the strongest possible terms if you do happen to end up in one, because you can never know what lengths these people will go to. But secondly for people who are compassionate and empathetic by nature (and let’s face it, that’s why we’re here), it is extremely difficult not to have some regard for the perspective of our abusers and to forgive and minimise the seriousness of what they do, and to be honest I still wish I could reach out and help my ex to see that she doesn’t need to spend her life being frightened of other people. Being tough on this is a constant battle.
Sorry that was a bit of a tangent in retrospect!
Hi sscrambled,
You’re welcome. Thank you for the thoughtful comment, although, I have a somewhat different take on it. My interpretation of what you experienced is that’s what typically happens when men play the white knight to a Borderline; you get beat up for it. You were worried about her killing herself because, I assume, she made suicide threats when you ended the relationship. You took her threats seriously and tried to help her. And what did she do? She tried to have you arrested.
I consider your ex’s behavior harassment. She made false allegations. She sent you threatening, abusive emails. She made threatening phone calls to you in the middle of the night. She conducted a hate campaign against you to your friends and anyone who would listen. These are not the actions of a victim; they’re the actions of a perpetrator who twisted the situation around to try to make herself look like the victim. And what triggered this behavior? You broke up with her. Seems like a pretty classic case to me. Plus, she DARVO’d you. Also a classic stalking maneuver—especially for female perpetrators because men and women are suckers for the poor victim-damsel in distress routine.
I think you’re an incredibly decent person for wanting to help your clearly troubled ex. However, there really is no helping someone with the issues you describe. Here’s the lesson I take away from your experience: When a former intimate is attacking you, threatening you, making suicide threats, harassing you, smearing you, etc.; don’t try to help her. Don’t worry about her safety. Worry about your own safety and protect and defend yourself. I’m very sorry you went through such an awful experience. I’m sure your ex is paranoid and experienced your rejection as an attack for which she needed to retaliate, but then she lives in the Land of Distortion with the rest of the abusive stalker types.
In the Land of Distortion, it makes sense to park your car across the street from your ex’s condo all night, to call and hang up on him all hours of the day, to call his new gf a whore on FB, to tell his boss he’s stealing from the company to get him fired, to call his mother and lie about him beating you and cheating on you, to key his car, to sleep with one of his friends, and to call the police to have him arrested on a lie in order to “win” him back. For those of us who don’t live in the Land of Distortion, these behaviors are frightening, frustrating and unwanted acts that make us want to run as far away as possible they don’t inspire us to get back together with Crazy.
Alternatively, individuals who engage in these behaviors may also do so out of vengeance, yet, many seem to want vengeance and intimacy at the same time. It’s sick.
Thanks for raising such a great discussion point, sscrambled. What are your thoughts?
Dr T
Thanks for your comment Dr T. Sorry for the delayed reply…
One thing that I should have included in my last post: My ex had been severely physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by her parents. I’m not a professional in this area (though – another qualification – I’m not entirely unbiased as I work in child protection policy), however I am aware that there is a group of therapists who want to deny the concept of BPD for abuse survivors because they think it is unhelpful, stigmatising, oversimplified, or an expression of symptoms rather than cause. I don’t. I think the BPD diagnosis is a really useful way for Nons to understand what goes on, and I am always struck by how similar people’s experiences are in dealing with their BPD SOs. I must say though that I also have some sympathy for the “complex PTSD” school of thought, which is perhaps slightly more flexible in that it catches not only the BDP traits, but also the NPD, avoidant etc etc, and relates them directly to past trauma as being the cause.
And Dr. T I agree with you: I think that the behaviour of my ex, and that of the partners of the other people who have posted their stories on this site, is completely unacceptable, under any circumstances. But at the same time, I really think that as a society we have a responsibility to prevent child abuse, and where it does occur, we owe the survivors a living, even those that go on to act out BPD traits.
But, that doesn’t mean putting up with whatever they throw our way. What that means is that we need to somehow ensure that they take responsibility for their actions, so that they can reach their potential and build a livable life, without continually biting the hands that feed them. But this is the double-bind: I’m relatively well convinced that you can’t actually *cure* BPD, and from what I’ve read almost all attempts to manage it just end up enabling it further, or at best suppressing it temporarily. Even if they are actually caught stalking and wind up in jail, I’m pretty sure they will still think it’s someone else’s fault. And so I guess this is where I am most conflicted. I would *passionately* like to help, but I also know that it would most probably be self-destructive and futile to do so. And to be quite honest this little dilemma is causing me to spend time posting on shrink4men when I should be working, amongst other things!! My current thinking, for what it’s worth, is that something to aim for could be just to minimise their pain, by maintaining boundaries, keeping them company while avoiding their triggers, and (perhaps the hardest part) remaining emotionally disinterested (here I am remembering that pivotal moment, “should I kiss her back or shouldn’t I?”. I hadn’t heard of BPD at that time, though I somehow knew intuitively it would end in tears… but I just couldn’t resist it!). In short, treating them as people with a disability, rather than a mental illness. How’s that?
Or am I just trying to avoid the obvious course of action: go back to study and become a psychologist;)
I am the fiance of a man whose ex Dr. T, writes so perfectly about. Although, she occassionally targets him. Her stalking of me has gone on since Summer of 2008. Each mode of contact is blocked and then she finds another. Including cyberstalking my minor child! What makes it worse, she is a school teacher. Even more insanity, the most recent attack(s) hacking my Facebook, Yahoo Account and installing spyware onto my home computer.
How does one get law enforcment to act on this behavior?
Hi Gail,
If you can prove she hacked into your email and has gone after your minor child, you should be able to get a restraining order. Document everything, and I mean everything, and go down to your police department. Alternatively, you may want to first consult with an attorney in your area who specializes in these cases. It’s a coin toss as to whether or not the police actually do anything, but I think it’s worth a try. Even if they don’t do anything about it initially, you will have begun the paper trail. If you make enough complaints and give them enough evidence, hopefully they’ll eventually take action. Any community members reading this who are lawyers that can chime in?
Dr T
As a result of the numerous ring no answer, craxy texts and finally my cell provider offering the the ability to block numbers, this is when she moved onto to other modes of contact. The next on the list being posing as a minor and approaching my daughter on myspace. She did this by accessing her own child’s myspace. When reported to the police. They balked. I pushed and pushed to the point where I was asked to provide contact information for legal departments for the two different cell providers and myspace. Additionally, I made arrangements for them to interview stalker’s child so they could connect the dots. Child’s myspace, left open, in custody of stalker mom, went to bed, up next morning and see their myspace is open.
But they never followed through, they shooed me away. And no that the ‘simple’ contacts have been elminated it is more ‘stealth’ type attacks, i.e. hacking my Facebook and leaving a negative comment. When the police contact her, she admits but says … oh I didnt hack it, we share friends and that’s how I got into it. But we dont. Not only do we NOT share friends, she is blocked from my account. Again shooed away. Reason this time, we dont have the resources and time to determine whether or not it was her!
Not only do they refuse to act, they threaten me. They tell me if you make us press charges against her, we will press charges against you. When I ask for what, their answer, well she says you are contacting her. My answer, well did you pull the phone records to see that I dont have any calls going to her? They dont have an answer, because although they asked me to do all of the footwork for them to get access to those records, they to this day, two years plus after the first contact, have not bothered to do so.
It is frustrating.
Gail,
Dr Tara had some EXCELLENT advice. Document everything. If it involves the computer print copies of everything because she will likely erase any post she has made. Also see if you can find a victims advocate in your area, or any area. While they may be a little more hesitant when the stalker is a female, if you show she has involved your child they will be more likely to take action. Even the most radical apologist for females take actions against a child pretty serious. Getting a lawyer to look it over is a good idea. If you go to a local church I would be willing to bet that you have at least one in your congregation. They may offer some free counsel. We have 3 in mine. I wish I had been going to this church when the problems with my ex GF started. It could have saved me a LOT of money 🙂
Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself & your child. Within the law of course. I am mainly talking about be vegilent & aware. Be aware of your surroundings, don’t go anywhere alone if you can avoid it. Make sure you have a cell phone with you at all times (for 911). Park your vehicle in a locked garage overnight if possible. Do know that if you get the police to take action that she could seriously go off because of it. HOWEVER do not use that as a reason to not go to them. You would be in just as much danger if not more in the long term if you don’t. Be aware that the wedding could also be another catalyst for setting her off. If she is doing all this out of jealousy she could well take the ‘If I can’t have him nobody can” attitude.
Lastly take this SERIOUS. For many it seems like a major inconvenience when it can on rare occassions lead to a life threatening situation. BPD, HCP or any of the personality disorder types can be very unpredictable. Your talking about a woman who in her mind is right & justified in her actions. The BPD, HCP ex I dealt with honestly doesn’t see anything wrong in her actions (read the comments I made in both this & the last story on this subject).
Even though it has been 10 years I still am careful. Also MANY years ago I was a cop in the U.S. Air Force & we dealt with both male & female stalkers, abusers etc in base housing. We had one murder in base because of a BPD woman. She shot her husband while he slept. Why? Because she thought that a waitress had flirted with him at dinner that night. Another cop asked her (In a real smart ass way..lol) did he flirt back. She actually said that “No but I just KNOW he did something to encourage it”. She honestly felt justified in shooting him. That is just an example of the typical BPD mindset.
I wish you the best
Ron 🙂
I found a victim advocate who is employed by a neighboring county. She is the restraining/protective guru. After meeting with her, I found since I do not have a past intimate relationship with her, I cannot get a no contact order. Because my local law enforcment wont file charges, I am not able to obtain a criminal protection order. The only option for me is a civil restraining order, which will cost approximately $1,000. The cost would be well worth it, BUT, guess what? A civil order is not punishable by law. So if she violates that, I have to hired an attorney and investigator to go after you. Because it is civil, no criminal penalities can be authorized against her.
It is a nightmare.
Probably not the preferred method but since she’s a teacher, you could buy a wig and some glasses, show up at a PTA meeting and ask a few parents, “I heard one of the xxxx grade teachers is under investigation for using her kid’s Facebook account to cyber stalk another kid. Is that true?” It only takes one helicopter parent to start the whirlwind. If the parents raise enough stink, the administration will have to do something, even if it’s call the teachers in one by one so they can say they exercised due diligence. If your fiance’s ex is as whacked as she appears she might be, she might trip over herself and unintentionally admit it.
“No charges were actually filed…(oops!)”
Actually, an interesting approach might be to try to find out if she has been using any school resources — phones, computers, or networks — in her stalking activities. Perhaps you could find a P.I. who is skilled with computers. If you could produce some evidence that school resources have been used, go the school board and threaten to sue them if they don’t take action.
Also, do you live close to a state line? Your P.I. could perhaps find out if any of these communications have crossed a state line. If so, then it becomes a federal matter and you have grounds to take it to the FBI.
The majority of her attacks have been during school hours. Get this, the bragging about the attacks to her ex husband not only in written email, but during school hours and from her school account. I have written a complaint to the Professional Standards Commission, approximately a month ago. They have yet to contact me. They have contacted my local law enforcement agency, which has told them we are two adults using up valuable resources by refusing to act our age.
My local law enforcement has failed me miserably.
Sigh.
PS – So very close to a state line; however, we are both in the same state.
I posted on the last article about my PSYCHOPATHIC Ex GF. Oh wait I can’t call her that or she may try to sue me for defamation..lol Just kidding! Thank goodness she is finally gone from my life. 10years so far so so far so good. The problems weren’t severe in the relationship but only because I saw the behavior, gave her one or two chances then broke it off. That’s where the real problem began. Oh & like ssscrambled I made the mistake of calling the police to her house after a so called suicide attempt. I didn’t belive for a min that she had actually taken a buttload of pain pills. I actually made the mistake of thinking that maybe if I called her on it for once she may stop calling me 30times a day. WRONG!!!!…lol
Anyway I was looking over the list of things she did after the breakup & was actually stunned at how many off that list she pulled. Do BPD’s & HCP’s get this list & use it as a script?…lol But I’ll run them down:
1)Spying on you: Yep!
2) Following you: Yep!
3) Driving by your house, place of work: Yep! Aside from my regular job I play in a local Rock Band. She showed up at a gig we did & then verbally attacked a girl that I had just talked to. Nothing more than this poor girl saying “Hey you guys ROCK” To which I said thanks. The end! She got thrown out (the ex). It got to the point where any place we played I had to take a picture of her to give to the bouncer or ticket taker (depending on the show) so they could keep her from getting in.
4)Threatening to kill herself: Yep!
5) Threatening to kill me: Yep!
5) Threatening your freedom by making false alligations to police: Yep! This came after I got an order of protection against her. Her retaliation I guess
6) Repeatedly calling me & hanging up: Yep! She even knew I had caller ID. I guess it was her way of showing me that it WAS her. It then got to where I would block her phone & she would just go buy a prepaid cell phone with a new number. I block that one, she got another. etc etc..
7) Repeatedly Emailing me, leaving voicemails: Yep! This is the almost funny part one would be please take me back & whe I wouldn’t return the call the next was “you just wait you &^%$@$&()__&* I’m going to get you” Oh yea that will make me want her again…sheesh!!!
8) Verbally abusing me: Yep!
9) Psychologically abusing me: Yep!
10) Vandalizing my property Yep! She broke three windshields on my vehicle, forcing my insurance to drop me & costing me about 80% more to get another company to pick me up.
11)Blocking my egress to force me to “listen to her: Yep! More like forcing me to listen to more verbal abuse after I told her yet again “GET AWAY FROM ME!!!
11) Showing up at my home uninvited: Yep! This was the incident that caused me to get an OOP against her when she showed up twice at my door at 2am making serious threats. Oh & the police refused to arrest her both times because “we just don’t want to do that to this lady”.
12)Leaving or sending threatening objects. Yep! She sent I don’t know how many photos of us with my head cut out etc.
13) & I already went into using the courts, police etc.
I think what bothers me the most is that despite her behavior, despite the police having to remove her from my property after they had her on the 911 tape threatening to “Kill me, burn my house down, cut my balls off, kill my cat” etc. They absolutely REFUSED to arrest her, take the threats seriously & then one police officer actually made the statement: “Boy you mush have done something pretty bad to make her that mad”. That’s an exact quote. They further wouldn’t arrest her after it was proven that she made a false police report acussing me of domestic battery. I mean yes it cost me thousands to prove it, I got arrested, handcuffed, had to hire a lawyer, private eye & pay another $500 in bail, but “hey shes a woman, sometimes they overeact” (another exact quote)
But wait it gets even better. I found out a couple of years ago that she latter met & married a pretty good guy (she targets us “nice guys”) that he divorced her for the BPD & HCP behavior & she did all the EXACT same things to him, including the false (& proven false) alligations of battery. To this day she has NEVER been arrested for her actions. Her father is a Parish Sheriff officer & this is probably the most corrupt state in the country (Louisiana). But I guess after all we were just men & none of this would have happened if we hadn’t broken up with her. Oh
Ron
P.S. I almost forgot the best part. When we met she told me she was divorced from her first husband because HE ABUSED HER!!! Do ya think maybe that was a lie?..lol
Over and over you are suggesting us to document abuse.Is there an article about how to properly document things? Maybe one needs to be written by someone who is experienced.
Thank you again Dr Tara for being the spearhead in getting the word out.