• About WordPress
    • WordPress.org
    • Documentation
    • Support
    • Feedback
  • Log In
  • Register

Shrink4Men

Helping men in abusive relationships since 2009

  • Home
  • Articles
  • Schedule a Session
  • Forum
  • About Dr. Tara Palmatier
    • Terms
  • Index
  • Videos

September 18, 2019

Walking Away from Pointless Conflict (i.e., Not Fighting for Her) Doesn’t Make You a Narcissist

From an alternate universe not nearly far enough away — Planet Empath! Where if anyone does something you don’t like (or isn’t willing to tolerate your bullshit), you’re a narcissist. This morning, a woman posted a comment to a meme I posted last week, “That’s Not Normal: You need to fight for me and the relationship!” She states:

If a man fights to prove his love to a woman, to prove that she’s number one, fighting with all he has to express that to her…. I don’t think that’s unhealthy at all” (Oh yes it is, sweetheart.) “Especially if it brings peace, love, tranquility, understanding and a friendship that can’t be broken! Fighting for someone shows loyalty!”

Crazy to Normal translation.

First, fighting someone’s insecurities, pathology and immaturity in order to maintain a relationship isn’t a sign of loyalty. It’s called codependency. Healthy couples work together to build a strong relationship. They don’t tolerate abuse and nut jobbery to “prove their love.”

The “article”/meme Ms. Empath warned all you other empaths about.

Second, nowhere does she say what she is willing to do to fight to prove her love to a man, show him that he’s number one, blah, blah, blah-bitty, blah.

Over the years, I’ve repeatedly explained in my articles and videos that borderlines, narcissists and other emotionally immature people use conflict to keep you engaged (in a toxic AF way) in the relationship. They interpret you no longer doing the crazy conflict dance with them as “abandonment,” loss of control and loss of interest. And, if we’re to believe this woman, an act of disloyalty.

She adds:

If that person shows absolutely no interest in you anymore I’m sure the fighting will end.”

Yes, it will. Could it be her “narcissistic” ex-boyfriend had absolutely no interest in having more pointless conflict with her? Perhaps all the stupid conflict and “having to fight for you” nonsense wore him out? Maybe, just maybe, it became boring and old because relationships with these individuals rarely progress past the Power Struggle stage?

Just because a man or woman no longer wants to have circular, never-ending conflict over manufactured drama doesn’t make him or her a narcissist. *One of my pet hypotheses is that many people (not all, but many) who claim to be empaths are actually BPD. Just a hypothesis.

Personally, I don’t find arguing with 3-year olds — whether it’s an actual 3-year old or a 3-year old in the body of a 55-year old — especially interesting. Or, interesting at all, for that matter.

The woman shares her unhealthy, self-serving, self-absorbed rationale for why a man should lay down his life to “prove his love” while oblivious to the obvious. If a man lays down his life to “prove his love” to her all she’ll be left with is a corpse. Or, an empty husk of a human being who’s destroyed himself trying to “prove his love.” Although, who knows. Maybe necrophilia is her thing.

Participate in the Facebook conversation here.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.




 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

© Dr Tara Palmatier and Shrink4Men, 2023 to infinity and beyond. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this website’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Dr Tara Palmatier and Shrink4Men with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. · Log in

Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}
Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}