Does your wife, girlfriend, ex or partner’s ex have a Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde personality?
Does she have a “good mask” that she shows the outside world while subjecting you and/or the kids to her cruel and abusive side?
Does she have little to no empathy or selective empathy?
Does she throw a temper tantrum, rage, pout or allege “Abuse!” when you try to hold her accountable for her bad behaviors?
Does she value you (and others) based on what you can do for her or what she can get from you? In other words, does she see people as objects of utility?
Does she lie, cheat, use violence and other forms of intimidation and manipulate to get her way or to “win?”
Does she have scorn and contempt for the people she victimizes or “pulls one over on?”
Has she ever threatened to destroy you and/or tried to make good on her threats?
Does she only recognize her rights and believe she’s entitled to violate the rights of others?
Does she have a gross sense of entitlement?
Does she blame others for her own failures, bad decisions and bad behaviors?
If so, your wife, girlfriend, ex or partner’s ex may have sociopathic traits or be a full-blown sociopath.
Historically, men have been diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder far more than women. Female sociopaths exist, it’s just that we use different terminology to identify them.
It’s time to rethink the qualifiers of female sociopathic behavior, which is discussed in this BlogTalkRadio episode.
Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
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Wow. Halloween? That’s dedication! 😀 Looking forward to it.
That is quite a scary pic.
Even scarier behavior.
I experienced this split second transformation just this morning. My Ex BPD had forgotten my son’s lunch for school today. When I ran into her after my son’s school Halloween play this morning, she asked me to go back home, make his lunch and then bring it back to school because SHE was too busy. These were my logical talking points: 1) She doesn’t have a job; I do and I needed to get back to my office (so that I can pay her child support even though I have my son more than 50% of the time). 2) My son stayed with her last night, not me therefore it is her responsibility to provide today’s lunch. 3) I have low-to-no contact boundaries that I do not cross and I am not there to bail her out of her downfalls. After hearing this, she turned into Ms. Hyde. She told me I was blaming her instead of focusing on my son’s needs. She also tried to blame it on my son (6 years old) for forgetting his lunch after she repeatedly asked him to grab it on the way out. As expected, she is now renegging on plans that we agreed upon for Halloween this evening.
Anyway, I won’t be able to call in or listen this evening but I’ll sure catch the audio tomorrow.
Thanks so much for bringing these real-life issues to light!
The ole punishment and revenge card. Classic BPD.
Should be enlightening> Ihave long felt that for societal reasons, women sociopaths are labeled BPD vs ASPD or NPD. Seems that society wants to hold onto this concept that women just cannot be that evil. It’s the same reason female sexual predators get probation vs the sentences handed out to men.
My XW is clearly sociopath. She is scary.
How perfectly descriptive! I separated from my BPD wife in mid August for the last time after almost 12 years of hell. Since, she has continually threatened me, attempted to bully and intimidate me if I don’t give her everything she wants including primary custody, very little time with my three young children, and pay for her to stay home to raise the children. Threats included ruining me professionally, domestic violence charges, alleging molestation of my two girls, etc. I tried to work out a parenting agreement with her directly because of threats if we had to use attorneys to resolve the issues. After living in fear for a few weeks and realizing that it was impossible to come to a resolution with her, I called her bluff. She went into action creating an incident where she could allege DV charges. When the police showed up to get my side of the story, I played a recording of the incident from my smart phone (DROID). I have not heard from the DA since the incident occurred three weeks ago. She also filed a protection order where I can’t contact her or my kids. I haven’t seen them since. The first week of the P O, she called me a few times a day, texted me, and even showed up at my office to bully and harass me more. She has since stop because I would not respond to her. Next week I have a hearing regarding the P O and she will be served with divorce paperwork this week. She is filled with hate and anger because I left her. I am at peace and will no longer let her get me upset with the threats. No more CONTROLing me. I have learned so much from you thru this website and consultation services. Thank you for the help, education and hope you give us.
Do you have any records of the texts and phone calls and anyone who will testify to the fact that she showed up at your office? If you do be sure to have the evidence at the hearing.
I say you should file a restraining order against her. She’s stalking you.
I just wanted to say congratulations to NotGivingin. You are the captain of the ship now and she can try and control you with these manipulative tactics but don’t ever give in. Seems like you have it all under control but again; Record everything! Wouldn’t hurt to just carry a digital handheld recorder on you so that you have it in case she just approaches you during your day. Good luck and stay strong- you’ll be happy you did. You’re in the trenches now but sweet freedom is worth it.
Thanks for your comments. After reading everything I could on this website, I came to the realization that I needed to document everything to protect myself. I have been very systematic in my approach to the divorce, expecting the worst. I use my smart phone to record everything. I have an app for voice recording and an app that backs up all text to my email. She’s not suspicious of me carrying it with me. I also record all phone calls with her which is legal in my state. I do have witnesses of her showing up at my office. Late yesterday her attorney contacted mine to discuss a settlement of the P O. It will include a no contact order both ways and remove the kids from the order so that I can see them. I can’t wait until the 9th to see my kids!!! You can never be to careful. I expect more craziness to occur when she is served divorce papers this week.
Her attorney is feeding you a line of BS which WILL mess you up down the road. Courts are very sneaky about PO’s and her attorney is trying to back door you. They are asking for you to settle without admitting guilt. However, it will still show as a DV protection order on your permanent record. Don’t take the settlement just to make it go away. Do you have a lawyer? My ex BPD has filed four protection orders and 2 complaints with DFS. All dismissed without merit because I called her bluff and refused to settle.
1. You have the audio tape. Ask your lawyer if it makes sense to send opossing counsel a copy of the tape prior to the hearing. OC might just dismiss it outright versus having a judge come down on him and his client.
2. Have the witnesses from work come to the hearing. They will testify that she showed up at work. Better yet, do you have security tapes that someone from security can testify to?
3. Bring in printouts of the texts as well as your phone with the texts on them. Also, make sure you have your phone bill that shows the incoming texts from her number and hopefully nothing from your number going out.
4. Don’t talk to her attorney. Let her attorney talk through your attorney.
Forgot to add – The tape of the incident will show you are cool, calm, collected and that she is full of bull excrement. The stuff from work and the texts will impeach her credibility. If she is affraid of you, why is she initiating contact?
The police officer towards the end of the show pretty much validated everything that has been stated on this website…in a blue collar sort of way. Whole website opens my eyes to how ‘drama’ is just a precursor to self centered sociopath behavior. It’s strange how you have to be so clinical and hypervigilent to enter a relationship, or suffer the consequences.
i literally find myself growling and punching my exercise ball while listening to this audio.
our daughter’s kindergarten teacher called me and told me “you don’t even treat an animal the way your wife treats her daughter.” and here i am, being told by social services that i have to “give my wife a chance” and “let the situation just happen” and that “they don’t have enough to go on” to make a decision. our daughter is happy, well adjusted, and loved. we have a 50/50 agreement for caretaking, but our daughter is with me about 80% of the time.
today was a nightmare for me and my daughter. my wife’s behavior is simply horrifying.
i can say one thing, even though the police did assume that “the man” was guilty when i called and needed them, they actually DID do a VERY good job when i called them.
I’ve had two relationships with women, one with (Complex) PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, and a second I’m convinced is BPD. It cost me $3000 to break up with the first one following false accusations, attempts to have me arrested and fired, plus her stalking and other behaviors. Fortunately in the process of dealing with the first, I learned a lot about BPD….just not quite enough. From what I learned PTSD from childhood sexual abuse is very similar to BPD. On the down side, I married a woman who I’m convinced is BPD…and also a police officer!! She had no intention of letting me know anything about her past until after we got married. She told me she was raped by a man who is now a police officer, went through therapy, and it’s why she wanted to become a police officer and eventually work in special victims. At that point, I thought she told me the worst of the worst and couldn’t think of what else there could be. Boy was I wrong. On a positive note, the things I learned from the first one allowed me to recognize what/who I was dealing with and get out quickly while protecting myself. It also helped that she’s a police officer because she had to be very careful not to lose her job. It’s been a good opportunity to learn about myself and grow. Years ago, I had a friend tell me, “You’re too nice for your own good.” I was confused then, but now realize it was another way of saying, “You need to work on setting boundaries and enforcing them.” It does make a world of difference, but still doesn’t make people open and honest. However, it does help keep the predators away when they realize they’ll have a hard time using and manipulating you.
Wow, I just found this site last night, and I am shocked at how many Sociopathic women there are out there. My ex is the type of Sociopath who can turn on the charm when she wants something so easily. For example, when she found out that I got a large tax return last week, she started coming around, and talking about us working things out.
She started to be very kind, and sweet, and appreciative of how well I was taking care of our son when I have him. She thanked me for giving him a bath, and so on. She never thanks me for anything. But along the way, she was asking me to to buy her a pair of shoes, and a shirt, and so on, and was asking for me to loan her some money. I did buy them some groceries, out of my own guilt complex though. You see, I kicked her ass out the door about 6 weeks ago, but in her eyes I also kicked my son out the door too. The relationship was over, and she was just using me for a place to live for free. I said, to hell with that, get your shit, and get out!
As for the other things she wanted, I didn’t buy them, and over the next couple of days, she started showing signs of ‘hating’ me again. Finally, it all blew up, after I found out that she had been lying to me about some things that she claimed to be truthful about. I became enraged with her, because she led me to believe that we were going to try and work things out, but in reality, she wanted the sex, and my money, but did not care about me. Plus, I was hurt, because I thought I was doing the right thing.
Now, when I call her for my son, she says two words, and hangs up on me. I got angry, and sent her an email, chastising her for leading me on, and trying to get me to buy her things. My ex lives with her mother, who enables all of her bad behavior, and when I talked to her mother, all she said was that, “——- doesn’t want to be with you.” When I told her what her daughter had done, and that she and I slept together, she shrugged it off, and said “well, that won’t happen again.”
I sent a couple of emails out to my ex, and I did not swear at her, or call her names. All I did was tell her that I did not appreciate being manipulated, and that she was not setting a good example for our son. I told her that the reason why I never married her was because I knew that her vows would mean nothing. In fact, I remember that the only thing that my ex was worried about, regarding marriage, was getting a nice ring on her finger. She used to show them to me incessantly, and I got to the point where I did not even pay attention to her about it. I refused to marry her.
Oh, and when I got a reply to my email, all she said was essentially this: fuck you, you worthless bastard. You are a bad person, and a horrible father, and GOD knows it. So, that is where we are today.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
Welcome to S4M. Sorry you need to be here.
Do you have a court order in place regarding access to your son? If you don’t, I recommend you find a lawyer who has experience with father’s rights and high-conflict, vindictive women.
No Dr. T, I don’t have a lawyer yet. I am going to get one soon though.
Luckily, I was able to have my son this evening, which was great. My ex likes to go places without him, and so that leaves me as the babysitter when I can be. She is no longer welcome to come into my home. I made her stand on the doorstep, and I handed our son out to her. I told her to be there at 8:30 to get him, and I told her not to be late this time. She usually is late, but not tonight.
We keep going through this dance over and over again. Each week, I never know what to expect.