Dr. Drew Pinsky Says Kim Kardashian Committed Domestic Violence Against Kris Humphries

Full disclosure. I am not a fan of Kim Kardashian or any of the other Kardashians. I have never watched an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I will never watch an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians or any spin-offs in the Kardashian “oeuvre.”

I have zero interest in celubutantes who ride on their rich father’s and/or family’s coattails and become “famous for being famous.” They’re much ado about nothing if you ask me.

Kim Kardashian and her ilk call to mind what Katharine Hepburn said about Sharon Stone when she shot to fame after Basic Instinct became a hit:

It’s a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what’s between her ears instead of her legs.

So why am I writing about Kim Kardashian?

On a recent episode of Dr. Drew Pinsky’s show, Dr. Drew aired a clip from the Kardashian sisters’ reality series, Kourtney & Kim Take New York, in which Kim Kardashian takes a swing at her recently estranged husband, Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets.

Dr. Drew states, in no uncertain terms, that what takes place in the video below is female perpetrated domestic violence:

embedded by Embedded Video

YouTube DirektDr Drew says Kim Kardashian committed domestic violence against Kris Humphries

Dr. Drew emphatically says at 0:31, “What you are seeing there is domestic violence.” Apparently, this was a matter of some debate amongst Dr. Drew’s producers and production staff who argued that Kim Kardashian throwing a punch at Kris Humphries was just “play.”

Would it have been considered just “play” or a “joke” if Humphries had taken a swing at Kardashian? Of course not.

I am sick and tired of how some women and men continue to condone violence perpetrated by women. Violence is violence. It is not “funny” or “cute” or “play” when a women does it. If men are expected to take oaths to never perpetrate violence against women (never mind the fact that most men don’t commit violence against women with or without taking an oath), then women need to hold themselves to the same standard.

Dr. Drew believes the video of Kim Kardashian hitting Kris Humphries is a big deal. I agree. Especially since Kardashian’s target audience are impressionable tweens, teens and young women. Hitting your husband or boyfriend is not play; it is violence.

At 1:37, Dr. Drew says the following about domestic violence:

Size and gender doesn’t matter.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hal-lay-hay-loo-hoo-yah!

This was a much needed factual and emotionally corrective experience after watching the Dr. Phil episode in which Dr. Phil McGraw claims that men can never be abused by women because men are bigger and stronger. This is the same episode in which Dr. Phil claims that when a man is abusive, it’s domestic violence, and that when a woman is violent and abusive, it’s a “relationship issue.”

And then, at 2:12, Dr. Drew loses me.

He states that it isn’t okay when Humphries grabs Kardashian’s arm to stop her incoming blows. That is self-defense, not domestic violence. Everyone, men and women, have the right to defend themselves from being assaulted no matter the gender of the assailant. Humphries did not hurt Kardashian. He did not appear to use unreasonable force. He was fending off her attack. Self-defense.

Nevertheless, Dr. Drew’s commentary seems to be a huge step forward. A mainstream television personality/psychiatrist and his sidekick female psychologist both publicly stated that Kim Kardashian throwing a punch at her husband, Kris Humphries, is domestic violence. Perhaps it’s not much in the big scheme of things, but it’s a start and I’ll take it.

Here’s the altercation frame by frame:

Who would have thought Amber Portwood of Teen Mom and Kim Kardashian had something in common besides being “reality stars?”

What do you think? Do you think this is an instance of domestic violence?

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  1. Memnoc says

    It’s about freaking time.

    I realize that there’s a lot of inequality on both sides of the line, but I’d also like to think that there are some big, obvious things that we can all agree on.

    Chopping off the body parts of your significant other and then stuffing them down a garbage disposal, for instance. That’s pretty much always bad and horrifying and not funny, no matter who does it, right? Hauling off and belting your significant other because they accidentally stepped on you is always inappropriate and wrong and an overreaction, no matter who does it, right?

    I have a lot of trouble watching most television these days because of all the negative stereotypes on both sides. From the ads that portray all men as infantile dolts who can’t tie their shoes to the other ones that normalize, violent, authoritarian, caprcious, or stalkerish tendencies in women.

    I especially hate all of these talk shows and whatnot where the Oprahs and Dr. Phil’s of the world get spew their double-standard nonsense. All it does is perpetuate things and make them worse.

    So, hooray for Dr. Drew for at least telling it (mostly) like it is. And I agree with Dr. T in being less than thrilled for saying that Kris Humphries was at fault here. All he did was grab her to keep her from hitting him anymore. He didn’t hit her back, or push her, or anything seemingly aggressive.

    But I do like the message that if you attack someone else, regardless of their gender or yours, it’s wrong. That’s a good start.

    *picks up his soapbox and slinks away*

  2. justin_case says

    Amen! I agree Memnoc is is about freaking time and it’s nice to see the message that gender and size doesn’t matter. It would have been nice if he hadn’t have said all the bs about Kris being at fault for anything. I guess Dr. Drew believes Men can be abused (better than Dr. Phil’s mindset) but that they have no right to self defence. But what do I know? As depicted on tv I’m just an imbecile who only exists because smart women save me from my own dangerous self everyday. Thanks for posting Dr. T. It’s a shimmer of light in the tunnel of “men are the abusers” culture we live in.

    • chester says

      If a man throws a punch at me, I’m not going to grab his arm…I’m going to belt him. Repeatedly. This is where self-defense gets a little/lot dicey relative to a female attack. A man really can ONLY walk away, and that is a good thing. In this Kardashian example, this man could be locked up. It’s takes very little to bruise a womans arm by grabbing it. Particularly if she is resisting and still trying to hit. This guy is in a no win situation because he grabbed her arm. At that point he is toast. Period. Actually, he was toast the minute he met this sorry ass excuse of a human being. This shit makes me boil.

      • justin_case says

        Yeah you’re right chester. I guess a man’s only option is to exit stage left. It’s kinda sad we can’t even defend ourselves without opening ourselves up to assault charges. This is exactly why men have to pay attention to micro-expressions and red flags they see in women in their lives. It disgusts me what I see on TV these days- violent teen moms abusing their bf’s and even their own mothers; the misandry in prime time tv and ads. It’s just depressing.

        • Kay says

          A friend of mine (well, former friend, because his wife is crazy and he himself has proved to be violent) used to tell me about his wife hitting and punching him. He said he didn’t hit back because she was a woman. But, he said, if she ever hit his face, he’d say, “You’re not a woman,” and hit back. He said no judge in the state would convict him because they know you don’t hit a man in the face. But this guy is considerably larger than his wife, and could do a lot of damage to her. The laws I found on self-defense said to not go beyond reasonable force. I fear that if he does ever get to this point, he’ll find he’s wrong, and end up in jail for killing his wife. And he almost ended up in jail already, for nearly killing his daughter….So yeah, self-defense is necessary, but if a man uses excessive force with his wife, she could end up dead. The only way out of this situation is to leave before it ever gets to that point.

          • been there says

            That what I had to do…my wife would get so out of control she would swing, throw anything she saw at me….she was a fierce fighter…..Anyway going through this nasty divorce and of course I am the bad guy and not tough enough to handle a little women…….the last time we got into it one of us was going to the pen the other was going to be dead…..I checked in to the la Quinta and filed the next day…I still get crap from the old friends telling me to man up…Heck it hurts to get hit by a guitar…major problem I my son saw that and believes that the way you handle conflict….his friends have even told him that his dad was wrong to leave mom over a little pushing around and that everyone does it……He daughter has gone to jail for pulling a knife on her husband….this stuff runs in families no doubt. I cost me a half a million dollars but the best money I have ever spent……I have my life back…..getting hit really sucks and is not love..

    • tomg says

      It’s happened to me three times in my 20 year marriage. I recently became so enraged with my wife I threw a hat against the wall near her. it was wrong and I should taken the obligatory walk around the block, but I choose a different path. Wrong wrong wrong…..however, I have been attacked in full view of her whole family (that was a violent hair pulling and yelled at over….a folding chair), a all out nightime sneak attack, and a lunge/grab move in…..or marraige counselors office…..Yeap!
      When I brought these unmentionaible incidents up recently, I was scolded to ‘Stop being an F’ing baby”!
      All she needs is a can of beer and a “husband beater tee shirt” to go with that comment.
      Everyone, I regret the hat incident so much, but I never layed a hand on her. Yet the shame is so great.
      If i pulled her hair in front of my whole family i wouldn’t be writing this. I’d been divorced long ago or in a federal insitution belonging to the guy with most cigarretts.

  3. Mark says

    I have always liked Dr. Drew. Did not always agree with him but he is clearly not an idiot and can back up what he says. I would love to see him go head to head with Dr. Phil. I’m thinking cage match. Maybe throw Dr. Phil in with some crazed, border line nut jobs and let him tell us it is not abuse.

    I mean Dr. Phil got his start on Oprah…what did you expect?

    Almost had to go on the Oprah show. I am ever thankful to the records clerks in my shop for making that phone call go away.

    • B Experienced says

      One thing that I agreed with Dr. Drew on was when he defended himself by saying that by commenting on a person’as behavior as being BPD, Psychopathic or whatever isn’t unethical. It is part of their ethics to teach the public about pathology. I hate when shrinks try to tell others not to diagnose or they have to see the person first before they can comment. It’s okay when you tell them about your problem and are right, but you can’t accurately depict another person’s problem? Bull. This only keeps the element of power in the shrinks arena and holds power over their clients or patients; which is dangerous given the amount of narcissistic and psychopathic licensed people in the field there are. Besides that, you have the right to learn about your psychological problems or Mental Illness just as you do your physical ones. Diagnosing for the most part really isn’t brain surgery when taught correctly. Besides that, a lot of shrinks nowadays make huge mistakes everyday in diagnosing and cause great harm in doing so. I have seen or heard of people being told they were psychotic when they were irrational and not psychotic. BPD when they really had Bipolar I Illness. Their kids taken away because of OCD irrational fears. It is a nightmare out there. I myself haven’t met a Social Worker yet who is trained that well on diagnosing. They tend to attribute pathology to normal behaviors or ignore real pathology. Their lack of clarity and distinction was alarming. They overrated their competency level as well. Wannabes at best. In New York State only a licensed Psychiatrist is allowed to diagnose Schizophrenia and yet some Social Workers still do. They don’t get in trouble for it either and it is illegal. There is good reason for that. The Psychiatrists draw blood work to rule out drugs or untreated venereal diseases such as Syphilis for starters before they make a differential diagnosis.

      • Kay says

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure the wife of my ex-friend has BPD or some other such disorder. But am I likely to find out what a doctor thinks about this? No. It is, however, important for my own mental health to determine if the things she said about and to me have any validity, or if it’s a disorder talking.

        I know that her mother *has* been diagnosed with a few things, and that she has picked up some things from her mother. I know–thanks to the whole argument being posted online on a game forum while it was happening–that she treated another ex-friend exactly the same way she treated me, only over a web game. It was all there: her imagining a slight where there was none, her crazy-making behavior, her starting a smear campaign that made her target sound like the crazy one, then him finally throwing up his hands and dumping his friendship with her and my ex-friend. I know the things I’ve seen her do to her husband and kids, and the things he’s told me about.

        And one day last year, I actually saw her hanging half her body out the passenger side window of their van, while her husband was driving along the street. I saw it because they passed right by me while I was walking. If that’s not a symptom of a mental disorder, then what is it?

        • B Experienced says

          Hi Kay,

          I believe her behavior is BPD because of how emotionally labile she is.

          She has hooked you somehow and is playing with your mind because you stated that it is important for your own Mental Health to know if what she has said it true or not. The best way to deal with that is to plan a defense if she is spreading something you said that is true about you and then move on. As hard as that may be, it is the best way to stop letting her have power over you.

          A lot of BPD’s threaten to jump out of cars or really do. I don’t see it in the professional literature but I consider that level of masochism psychopathy. If they pushed another person out of a moving car without empathy and were cold and unemotional then it would be psychopathy, but if they lack empathy for themselves and self harm it isn’t psychopathy. That is nonsensical to me.

          • Kay says

            Yeah, she has this way of twisting things that really happened so that the other person looks like the Devil, no matter how much you try to tell her your motives were not what she thinks, or point out her own misdeeds. Like the guy she raged at on the game forum. She got so much into my head that I’ve been trying to get her out of it practically as long as I’ve known her. 😛 My “therapy” has been writing about it, researching BPD and narcissism, and trying to sort out fact from disorder-fueled fiction. But the memory of her hanging from that window–It’s almost like God provided me with this chance encounter so I would have a way to prove to myself that I’m not the crazy one. I hope to soon be able to say what Sarah said to the Goblin King: “You have no power over me.” 😉

    • says

      How about Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, and Dr T go head to head without the “crazed, border line nut job”. I am confident Dr T would equate herself very well if bluster head (Dr. Phil) would keep his mouth shut. I may start a letter campaign to get Dr. T on Dr. Drew’s show.

  4. B Experienced says

    It’s Domestic Violence without a doubt. I myself am sick of hearing how a man shouldn’t grab her arm to stop a woman from hitting him. Come on now. What is he supposed to do? A friend of mine had his BPD wife pull a knife on him. When he grabbed her arm he bruised it and got arrested. If he didn’t grab her arm she would have stabbed him. He had to get a lawyer to drop the charges for using excessive force. She got hokey Anger Management Classes that didn’t work.

  5. Verbal says

    I just have to get this out of my system and point out that what the Divine Ms. K. does in that video is child’s play compared to what I have endured in my marriage.

    Anyway, kudos to Dr. Drew. Yes, he slips up slightly when he fails to recognize Kris Humphries’ grabbing of her arms as self-defense. Even law enforcement know that. When the police get a domestic violence call from a woman, and the only “injury” she can show are his finger marks around her wrists, they know that the marks were caused by him trying to get her to stop hitting him.

    With the preponderance of “women behaving badly” reality TV shows (the Kardashians, the Real Housewives of East Buttfuck, etc.) out there, hopefully some good will come out in the form of increased public awareness of female-perpetrated domestic violence.

    Okay, maybe not. Sigh….

    • chester says

      No way…no how. Cops WILL NOT “know” the marks on her arm/wrists are from her restraining him. All she has to do is say the man came home, flipped out, and started grabbing her by the arms or wrists. You dodge her blows…DO NOT touch her, and walk away for good. It IS the only option! Unless of course you have witnesses or some type of surveilance.

    • tallwheel says

      I’m afraid that women behaving badly on TV will not increase public awareness of female domestic violence. I think it will only continue to culturally legitimize it as it has thus far.

      I really hope that I’m wrong and you’re right, though, Verbal.

    • Micksbabe says

      Ditto on the Hate on Dr. Phil. He’s a douche and should NOT be doling out life advice to anyone, much less all of Oprah’s largely brain dead target market.

      • AussieLola says

        Amen, Micksbabe! For those of us that have been in real therapy, Dr. Phil reeks of Oprah-ism. His crap sells well among the brain-dead who watch TV at midday. It pains me to say that they’re mostly females that have nothing going in their disgustingly empty lives. They’re a trashy target market who can consume Oprah, Dr. Phil and the Kardashians in equal measure. Yuck!

    • B Experienced says

      I do to. I used to watch his show to study his psychopathology. Then one day, my Irish Dander kicked in because he started nailing someone who was so weak that I literally couldn’t sit in my own living room and do nothing. He completely overpowered this woman. I got up and called The California Board of Psychologists to file a complaint. Well Mr. Shady Past and Slippery Feet doesn’t hold a license because he is covered under Media Psychology where ever that is. I didn’t bother writing his network because I have no doubt that there are legal loopholes for his circus.

      I researched the allegation about him sexually abusing his Secretary. I have to say that given his complete disregard for others most of the time, shady business dealings, multiple extramarital affairs in his first marriage and his spoiled brat ways,I believe that it is probably true. He never discusses any of it either.

      As far as Oprah goes, she had pseudo scientific shrinks, junk scientists or New Age gurus on. Then she preached that “we” shouldn’t judge. If she wants to shut off her critical thinking go for it. If she wants to put her life in danger then do it, but don’t preach about your philosophical or religious beliefs and dummy people up. The road to hell is often paved with good intentions. If these people are so good at what they do, then why have people died or been killed using these beliefs?

  6. anon.father says

    i don’t live in the USA and had not heard of this show until now. the thing is, it’s possible the event was staged like “wouldn’t it be cool if i threw a punch at you?” but i don’t know.

    she, however, seriously threw her punch.

    when my wife hit me, she did the same thing. but her punches landed on my face. i am also trained in the martial arts, and this fella, whether he’s trained or not, shows skills at being able to block punches. basically, my “soft techniques” have waned since i haven’t been training for a while. after my wife attacked me, i realized that had i thrown a block, i would have broken her arm. i would have gone to jail. it was my self preservation instinct (and also just being frozen by disbelief that my wife would actually attack me) that kept me from doing anything at all.

    my wife did not have a weapon. what if she had?

    this fella, Kris, does a very good job of subduing the attacker. he might want to keep his fingers a bit looser.

    the scary thing is, it would have been very easy for him to step out of the way and put her on the ground using the energy of her punch. but then, she might have hurt herself and he would have been “charged” with pushing her down.

    so, men need to a) defend themselves b) defend themselves without leaving a scratch or mark on women, or like i did c) just let themselves be attacked and call the cops when she’s done.

    during c, you might be able to yell or say “HEY, you just punched me!” which might cause her to go cry in the bedroom or cease her attack. or say you’re sorry. or do and say whatever incredibly demeaning and humiliating thing you need to say or do to save your life and then call the cops.

    but there she is screaming “i want to know her NAME!” and you’re like “whose name?” “HER NAME!” and you are like: “please tell me whose name.” she’s like “your LOVER g*dd*mmit, your LOVERRRR!” and you’re like “i am not having an a…” ATTACK

    i think learning verbal defense tactics could help:
    the man yells: SIT DOWN NOW!
    or he wimpers: i don’t deserve you, you are so cool!
    he can also say something confusing like: let’s just go out to dinner.

    i mean anything to have her stop punching.

    then pack your bags and the kids and leave.

    interesting though, how the “let’s just go out to dinner” solution, before she gets violent — becomes kind of a “relationship habit.” you see she is about to go off her rocker. you pacify her before she even gets angry.

    at the core of this issue is also: what is violence? what are predators? when is violence ok? do we get to attack people in foreign countries? do we get to kill people as a nation? even: is killing animals ok? what is hunting? how does nature work?

    • B Experienced says

      I find a lot of what you say interesting and that it would probably work in some instances and prove to be true. I have to disagree on the men letting themselves get attacked. A lot of BPD’s like to go after people with knives, nails etc. Plus, it reinforces their crazy behavior as being okay on some level and their delusion of power.

    • AussieLola says

      anon.father, you raise a number of interesting points of view :-)
      You come from a martial artist / self-defence background as I do, and many of your questions have popped up in my head several times.

      • anon.father says

        thnx both B Experienced and AussieLola. now that i have separated from my wife, when she is with the kids, i am completely powerless to protect them. it is awful.

  7. CharlieBrownAt43 says

    You bet your credibility it’s domestic violence. And Kris attempting to restrain her is DEFINITELY not “domestic violence.” If Kris decided to take a right hook to her bazillion-dollar dental work, I’d say yes, that’s domestic violence. But there’s no right hook on his part involved, and I certainly wouldn’t encourage or condone it.

    • Dr Tara J. Palmatier says

      And don’t forget, Mike, every woman is a goddess and every man must lie on the ground at her feet in humility and remorse.

      Has anyone ever seen this bit of Crazy from the “Manifesto of Conscious Men?” I still haven’t been able to sit all the way through it.


        • Dr Tara J. Palmatier says

          Will Ferrell (aka Ron Burgundy) did a video response to it that may be more to your liking:


          I actually thought the original was a SNL skit at first, but no.

          • anon.father says

            i could not watch the whole men at the feet of women thing, but i did watch the will ferrell version, it was funny, but they could do a better job if they let us help with the script.

            i came across this though: http://youtu.be/C5Pb8HRhuFI and it is very funny. it also shows these “conscious men” as being horrifically overpowered by women who are “portrayed” as controlling and domineering.

            dr. T, would you write the script for the “apology” that all western men need to hear from women? could you do that?

            dear man:

            we, as western women, apologize for verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing you, mostly behind closed doors, where we could get away with it. we apologize for the constant choas and our incessant jealousy because of course you are not having an affair, i’m just saying that to see if you’ll get mad, and then if you get mad i can call the police and take all your stuff. i mean, i’m kind of sorry, but basically, if you could slap, kick and beat the sh*t out of some man, then take his kids away from him and then take 50% of his current and future assets? what would you do? oh, back to the sorry part: F u men, we own you!

            hmmm — that one isn’t bad.

      • Mark says


        I’m going to go drink some old scotch I have. Clean a variety of firearms I own. Get my deer tag…even though I haven’t hunted in years. Tune up my tractor. Split some firewood. I fixed stuff around the house. I’ll read some Kipling. I just downloaded MW3 and will enjoy that. I LIKE driving fast cars that corner like they are on rails. I’ll teach my kids to shoot, drive fast cars and fly and jump out of perfectly good airplanes. I can even be angry and not break or kill things. I’ll go visit my Mom’s grave. I’ll call my Dad just to say hi. I’ll even bake and cook stuff because I enjoy it. I feel no need to “get in touch with the feminine” anything.

        I will not allow these not-men to dictate my life, how I raise my kids, what I think, how I think it, how I feel or whether or not I’m angry.

        These useless not-men (I won’t dignify their position by insulting them)are the first ones to scream for help when something goes wrong. Then a MAN has to show up and fix it.

        I managed to watch the whole thing…I’ve had to sit through DV training and it was eerily similar.

        Apologies for the rant. But the scotch was good.

        • anon.father says

          funny how i like a lot of “man” things (like motorcycles and football), but i also like a lot of “girl” things, like music and writing poetry. i also like making great food.

          i also like having a daughter and picking out clothes she likes with her because i often felt limited as a man regarding my expression of fashion. not that i want to go around dressed like lady gaga or boy george, but my STBX did stuff like

          HER: hey honey, should i wear A or B?
          ME: you know i kind of like A, but you could switch ou…
          HER: THANKS, now i know to wear B, because you have no sense of style

          so, coming into my own regarding clothing actually makes sense to me.

          and well: fashion is for girls right?

          i’m not going to start reading fashion magazines, i can tell you that. but i’m also not going to only enjoy things that are sharp, dangerous, or spit oil, just because that’s something men are “supposed” to like.

          these “conscious men” could go ahead and migrate “up” a level or two and just become conscious souls. they could have women apologize for what they feel women need to apologize for, they could have men apologize for what they feel men need to apologize for (as genders).

          if it actually got “real” it would be profound.

  8. Ken says

    At about 2:12 when Dr. Drew says ‘its not ok for him to grab her like that’ his tone suggests (and his voice clearly conveys a distinct tonal quality as he makes this particular remark that is differnt from his other remarks) a touch of sarcasm highlighting the double standard that it would be ok for her to grab him like that. Or, maybe his emphasis was on the ‘like that’ part — where, for a moment, it appeared the man was starting a move associated with twisting her arm in a manner that would be damaging to her shoulder…though that move never really occurred (he was well-positioned to, if he wanted & knew what he was doing, to dislocate or really tear up her shoulder in a split second).

    Anything with any reality TV personality/ies must be taken with the proverbial “grain of salt” — it sure looks real here & makes a good example….but such people in such circumstances do a lot specifically for the camera.

  9. egribkb says

    “He states that it isn’t okay when Humphries grabs Kardashian’s arm to stop her incoming blows.”
    He’s right, per a talk I had with a lawyer anyway, who said that no matter what the combative female does, the only right response for a male is to get away. He had a client that had his wife come at him with a knife and he disarmed her by grabbing her wrist and twisting her arm behind her back. He’s the one that went to jail for assault.

    • anon.father says

      that’s just pretty ain’t it? nope, the predatory females are not delusional. they can get away with it, they know it, and they are taking full advantage of their position of power, which is veiled by their status as nurturers, mothers, and victims.

  10. Alnico says

    There should be criminal charges against Kim for this abuse. The fact that it is over for her and her ex is not a good reason for her to avoid charges. If the police do not arrest her and press charges she will leave other victims behind as she will have no motive to control herself. Kudos for her STBEX for showing restraint by simply restraining her from assaulting him rather than fighting back.

  11. justin_case says

    I was just watching tv and saw a promo ad for tomorrows Dr. Phil show. It’s featuring a man whose gf beats him. Has he ever done a show like this before can anyone remember? Perhaps he doesn’t want to be left behind as his competitor Dr Drew sees that men can be victims too. It should be interesting. I’m sure we’ll see lot’s of misdirection, shaming, blaming and him saying lot’s of things he would never say to a female victim. Should be interesting…. very very interesting.

  12. Morning Star says

    My brother’s crazy bitch wife often hits, kicks him and hurls verbal assaults. Recently, she threw a cup of hot coffee in his face. He removed himself from the house. She followed him and proceeded to throw pot plants at him. He continued to get into his car to go to work. She then unlatched the side gate so that it swung open as he was driving out of the driveway causing damage to the entire side of the car.(Not the first time either – other times she has also smashed the windscreen. And then she collapsed in a very theatrical way, as if she had been bashed. My brother, who was by this stage quite angry, got out of the car and hit her as she lay doubled over on veranda railing. He tells me that he hit her out of extreme frustration – he couldn’t process the scene that had unfolded. She had perpetrated all the violence and then play acted the victim by collapsing! She then announced to the world that he had hit her. He has since left her. She, however, has not left him alone – texting, calling etc etc. She “loves him and needs him”. He is falling for this crap and is almost on the verge of returning to her. Mind you, the incident I related is not an isolated one. He is totally abused – verbally, physically and emotionally (oh, and financially, by the way). He left her about 2 months ago. I am afraid that, if he returns, she will provoke him and, next time, he hits back he may end up in jail. Can anyone advise me what to say or do to help him?

    • justin_case says

      In the very least you could direct him here. There’s so many useful articles on S4M that I’m sure he can relate to most of them. Pls just be relentless. I myself allowed myself to be hoovered by my crazy ex not once but twice. If I had a sibling that knew the pain I was going through and could have directed me to this site I would have wanted them to show me the way. As well maybe you could just let him know that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. That female on male emotional, verbal and physical abuse is not a small piece of the domestic violence pie. The best article I think you could direct him to is the recent one by Paul Elam- how to slap your way to slavery. Especially if she seems the type to provoke. Good luck.

  13. Morning Star says

    @justin_case: Thank you very much. I have directed him here (but he says he finds this site difficult to navigate)and have sent him many articles I have found on the internet. I have had to be very firm about what I will and won’t tolerate from now on if he returns to her. I have made it clear that I will not have anything more to do with her. No more playing happy families. We have always tolerated her and her entitled, self-centred behaviour, her alcoholism and her behaviour disordered children. I believe we have acted as enablers. This will stop. My brother’s daughter will not accept the CB any longer and neither will my mother or any other member of the family. My brother will, in effect, be on his own. He will very welcome to visit us by himself, but not with the psycho. He says he is “surprised” by this reaction. Why? Did he think we would simply pretend nothing happened? What has happened to him?

  14. justin_case says

    Yeah… he’s got it bad. It sounds like you do have a good grasp on what you should do. You really do have to treat it like a serious harmful addiction- treat it exactly as if he is returning to a heroin addiction. I my opinion he’s “surprised” and would rather everyone pretend nothing happened because then he can go back to living in denial. He can deny that he’s fallen in love with an abusive monster and not the angel he thought he had fallen for. He can deny that he is an abuse victim. Don’t let him. He’s been completely brain washed by the crazy making behaviours that these abusive cluster b types master and impose on their victims (spouses). He needs time away from her to come back to earth. This is vital. In my experience it took awhile to adjust to the fact that I was weak enough or had self esteem and respect so low that I allowed someone to abuse me. He has to go through the healing process a bit to get some perspective. If he’s open to it ask him to go NC- non contact with her and see if he feels better after a couple weeks or a month. This of course will either make her snap immediately into best gf/wife ever mode or max out her abusive behaviours. The forum is a great place to pose more questions if you like. There’s a lot of good helpful people here.

  15. Mark says



    You all may have heard of this or not. IL State senator Suzi Schmidt domesticating with her husband…again. The sun-times link has the dispatch audio.

    County Board President for 10 years so the prior squabbles never got addressed properly as the previous Sheriff was bent.

    Suzi rammed hubby’s car, while he was in it with intent to harm him. No charges.


  16. SSG says

    I hate the Kardashians and what they represent in our society. I won’t even get started. I loved Katherine Hepburn, and adored her even more for that quote.

  17. lifeonborder-line says

    Thank you once again for sharing information for us men in an abusive relationship.

    Without a doubt violence escalates. Dr. Drew mostly gets female onmale intimate partner violence.

    My wife started out playfully slapping. Worse yet she would pretend I slapped her. It escalated into full fledged rage during a couple of outbursts when she felt I was not emotionally available or not taking care of her needs over my own. While I was never injured beyond my pride and a little bit of skin irritation it was still violent. Next time it could have been a knife or blunt instrument. So far she has respected a boundary I put there when I realized she wasn’t going to stop otherwise. I hear some of you guys with your nightmare stories. I hope my life doesn’t go there.

  18. Sad State says

    There can only be one conclusion when you combine two facts: 1) she knows the camera is recording, and 2) everything she does is for ratings/attention. That conclusion is she is trying to provoke him to violence. Imagine the pity party she would get if he actually swung back. When he didn’t, she goes into a smiley “I was just joking” routine.

    She wants out of the marriage, but knows her rating will take a hit if she comes across as the “bad guy”, so she must make him the bad guy. This is so BPD it is spooky. She has even come out with the “he is gay” comment. My ex claimed that about me and even her first ex.

    Both the provoking violence through violence and gay accusations are straight out of the BPD handbook.

  19. Stefano says

    My now Ex once punched my in the side of the head whilst I was driving! It was because we were driving past a Harley Davidson garage and my 13 year old daughter was in the back seat and said “dad can women ride those big bikes?” To which I replied “not really angel they are very heavy and usually ridden by big biker guys!” Wham came the punch for being sexis!?!
    My daughter was shocked and cried but the evil Ex tried to pass it off that she was just messing…It hurt but thankfully I didn’t lose control of the car!

    A true tale folks! And another sign I should have gotten rid a lot earlier than I did. The signs are their but as dumb guys we just ignore them!

  20. Stefano says

    You know they are exactly correct. This is just how it began with my now Ex partner! She would fling a punch at my general body area and I would deflect it either by catching her arm or letting it bounce off my body. Luckily I am well over 6 feet and weigh 250lb’s of work out muscle. But it still hurt!

    But it soon got to the point that the punch was aimed at my head or once when I was walking past catching me unawares and slamming into my left eye. It just escalates terribly and my favourite saying was “you are lucky I’m a quiet, passive guy because most guys out there would deck you now!”

    People have to realise that violence hurts anyone, it doesn’t matter how big you are it still hurts! Violence starts like a small fire and soon flares into a raging blaze, violence solves nothing and often leads to Police or worse serious injury or even fatality!

    Women think they can “get away with it” because he is so much bigger than me and he won’t bend to what I want, when I want it so he deserves it! I’m so glad the world is waking upto the fact…WOMEN LIKE THIS KARDASHIAN TROLLOP ARE EVIL INSIDE AND SO BITTER AND TWISTED THEY ARE ACTUALLY DANGEROUS! I know this because I had a woman that on the outside was stunning but on the inside she was just plain evil!

    Ahhh the memories :-)

  21. ghebert says

    Someone better run this by Dr. Phil to let him know…wait I’m going to stop myself right there. You can’t de-program an Oprah puppet. Hopefully this gets seen by more people and maybe people will start opening their eyes.

  22. TI85 says

    I don’t know if this qualifies as DV, but this *exact* scenario has happened in my household, and it is unquestionably wrong.

    There have been other instances, too. I was never in any physical danger — she is smaller than me, and my head was cooler than hers when she was doing this.

    But here’s the thing that is odd — she denies that these things ever happened. She is very emphatic in her denials. If I ever bring up these events (either in private or in counseling), her reaction is uniformly one of two things: (1) overly sarcastic and condescending ridicule (“Come on . . . you KNOW that’s not what happened!”); or (2)violent shouting (“I would never! And I can’t believe I’m married to someone who would accuse me of that!”). What is even stranger is that, normally, she presents a very calm, even, cheerful demeanor to the outside world. I have come to recognize this as a protective mechanism she has developed to keep others at a suffiently safe distance and simultaneously give them reason to praise her (something she very much enjoys, and seems to need). However, she is incapable of doing anything but acting in an obviously rude manner or simply flying off the handle when I bring this up.

    Oh, and I only bring it up to the counselor, and then by expressing my sincere concern that this type of behavior is dangerous — notwithstanding my statement above about not being in any serious physical danger, what if I did react? I’m scared to death of possibly facing a criminal record because my wife came at me. My wife has literally laughed this off. The counselor acknowledges that this is something to be worried about, but doesn’t go very far beyond that (there are tons of other issues to deal with).

    Does anyone have any experience with this type of reaction — an overly emphatic denial of reality? Or, rather, an overly emphatic denial of behavior by the actor where the behavior reflects very poorly upon the actor?

    I know this stuff happened. I’m getting the impression that my wife is trying to make me think that it didn’t.

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