Full disclosure. I’m not a fan of Kim Kardashian or any of the other Kardashians. I’ve never watched an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I will never watch an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians or any spin-offs in the Kardashian oeuvre.
I have zero interest in celubutantes who ride on their rich father’s and/or family’s coattails and become famous for being famous. They’re much ado about nothing. Their TV shows are what I refer to as porno for the personality disordered.
Kim Kardashian and her reality TV peers call to mind what Katharine Hepburn once said about Sharon Stone after Basic Instinct became a hit:
It’s a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what’s between her ears instead of her legs.
So why am I writing about Kim Kardashian?
On a recent episode of Dr. Drew Pinsky’s show, he aired a clip from the Kardashian sisters’ reality series, Kourtney & Kim Take New York, in which Kim Kardashian takes a swing at her recently estranged husband, Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets.
Dr. Drew states, in no uncertain terms, that what takes place in the video below is female perpetrated domestic violence:
Dr. Drew emphatically says at 0:31, “What you are seeing there is domestic violence.” Apparently, this was a matter of some debate amongst Dr. Drew’s producers and production staff who argued that Kim Kardashian throwing a punch at Kris Humphries was just “play.”
Would it have been considered just play or a joke if Humphries had taken a swing at Kardashian? Of course not.
Violence is violence. It is not “funny” or “cute” or “play” when a women does it. If men are expected to take oaths to never perpetrate violence against women (never mind the fact that most men don’t commit violence against women with or without taking an oath), then it’s reasonable and equitable that women hold themselves to the same standard. Otherwise, it’s a double standard.
Dr. Drew believes the video of Kim Kardashian hitting Kris Humphries is a big deal. I agree. Especially since Kardashian’s target audience are impressionable tweens, teens, young women and middle aged housewives. Hitting your husband or boyfriend is not play; it is violence.
At 1:37, Dr. Drew says the following about domestic violence:
Size and gender doesn’t matter.
Yes, exactly right.
This was a much needed factual and emotionally corrective experience after watching the Dr. Phil episode in which Dr. Phil McGraw claims that men can never be abused by women because men are bigger and stronger. This is the same episode in which Dr. Phil claims that when a man is abusive, it’s domestic violence, and that when a woman is violent and abusive, it’s a “relationship issue.”
And then, at 2:12, Dr. Drew loses me.
He states it isn’t okay when Humphries grabs Kardashian’s arm to stop her incoming blows. That is self-defense, not domestic violence. Everyone, men and women, have the right to defend themselves from being assaulted no matter the gender of the assailant. Humphries did not hurt Kardashian. He did not appear to use unreasonable force. He was fending off her attack. Self-defense.
It would’ve been more helpful if Dr. Drew had stated that, even though it’s an act of self-defense, that given the current domestic violence laws, men can be arrested and prosecuted for practicing self-defense against women who physically assault them. So, if you’re a man with a violent spouse or girlfriend, while in theory you’ve a right to defend yourself, the safest way to protect yourself is to remove yourself from the house and file a police report. If the police ask you if you want to press charges, say yes. If your female assailant is blocking your egress, drop to the floor and adopt a fetal position shielding your most vulnerable areas. Then head for the nearest exit and file a police report.
If you’re in a relationship with a violent woman, it’s not a matter of IF there’ll be police involvement it’s going to happen. Since personality disordered abusers project (i.e., accuse others of their misbehaviors), they’ll likely accuse you of being the violent perpetrator. Consult with a qualified counselor and or an attorney if you’re married or there’s shared children and plan a safe exit.
Here’s the altercation frame by frame:
What do you think? Do you think this is an instance of domestic violence?
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
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