Why isn’t this normal? How much time do you have?
Healthy couples work together, not against each other. “You need to fight for me” usually means you’re fighting against their lifelong character pathology. So you fight them, and then get blamed for fighting with them. It doesn’t end until you step out of it and away from them. Narcissists and borderlines measure a partner’s or family member’s love and devotion based on how much of their crap and selfish behavior you’re willing to tolerate.
However, there’s no end point. There isn’t a threshold of abuse tolerated that convinces them of your love. They just keep dumping on you until they wear you out and break you. Then they blame and discard you.
Narcissists and borderlines are like my pit bull mix. They never tire of playing tug-of-war and they’re damn good at it. Stop “fighting for them” and begin fighting for yourself. In other words, drop the rope and take your life back.
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to email@example.com.
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