It’s hard to believe that less than a decade ago, most people didn’t have Facebook or Twitter accounts. In a very short time, social media has had a tremendous impact on individuals, communities and nations. What did narcissists do before Facebook and Instagram?
Social media can be benign, for instance, helping family and friends stay in touch, organizing communities, organizing and promoting events, special interest groups, business promotion, raising awareness about social issues and exposing corporate or political corruption. In the wrong hands, however, social media can be a very efficient weapon for both the personal and political.
Similarly, Crazy (a high-conflict Borderline, Narcissist, Histrionic, Sociopath or UFC [Unidentified Form of Crazy]) uses social media to target her objects of hate — e.g., ex-husband(s), ex-boyfriend(s), current partner, new wife or girlfriend of an ex, colleagues, friends, and people she’s never met. Typical objects of hate are basically anyone who makes her feel bad about herself and her behavior, anyone who gets in her way and/or anyone she fears will expose her true nature.
For Crazy, social media websites are an endless source of attention, self-promotion, self-aggrandizement and a sophisticated weapon. Many narcissists, histrionics, borderlines and other self-obsessed, abusive personality types use Facebook, Twitter and the like to run smear campaigns, to make false allegations, to perpetrate parental alienation and to stalk and harass their targets while simultaneously portraying themselves as the much maligned victim, superwoman and/or mother of the year.
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Strangely enough, the crazy x doesn’t use facebook, although members of her family do. I think part of it is that she lies so much, facebook would risk exposing her.
The other fortunate thing is when she started dating the guy that wifed her up, is was very obvious that she had lied to her now husband about the nature of her relationship with me (that it wasn’t and never was intimate).
It makes it way more difficult to trash me when it would expose her. Not that there wasn’t some. I suspect when I didn’t want to have anything more to do with her, she convinced her new man that it was because I had developed feelings that she didn’t reciprocate, but she was good at making up stories about why people didn’t want anymore to do with her.
You are not alone . Our society gives these people power. My ex does not go online, but her vicious family does. They ruin my jobs and demand more child support on top of that. A vicious hypocrisy. I think they want me to die or commit suicide, then they can take my meager surplus and blow it and also collect social security, while my child will get scraps. My health is failing from stress. There is nothing in them but vindictiveness and viciousness and it is not about the child. They spend time and network in how to stalk me online and will likely read this. Recently got my picture at a my child’s school function. It will be on facebook to identify me and destroy me passive-aggressively with other people. Read the book “Adult Bullying” and it will be as if you wrote it.
I contacted Dr T last year about my bpd ex at crazy fogger article time.
In That Period Last Year ,I was bombarded with A never ending barrage of Abusive
txt’s calls new Facebook accounts after being blocked, she used fbook to taunt me with pics of different new victims every week used others to proxy her bullshit as they famously do
I couldn’t take any more after 10 yrs of every abuse possible i snapped and sent her a message telling her to G.T.F.O. out of my life and she was a vile crazy venomous bully,
which I feel is justified as I have A spinal injury due to having Industrial Accident And I am Also Asperger’s and had a heart attack at the time As A result of all this harassment from crazy.
I was charged by police and put on a good behaviour order for 6 months (first offence in 49 yrs), i followed order to the letter, but as soon as it was relaxed and i was admonished of the charge ..
boom.. txt’s messages, calls constantly, this time i kept EVERYTHING it was unrelenting. She then started blackmailing me saying she was gonna send an old pic of us to my new partner and tell her it was recent on F/book.
she then claimed she was pregnant to me and she told her new victim same story , they are crazy,
more txts calls etc. at least 15 new F/book profiles and pm’s to me. I went to police 4 times, finally after seeing all my evidence they charged her with stalking and harrasment. I was sent letters and booklets from woman’s aid …WTF? and victim support for women? … sadly no shelters or support for men in Scotland,… there is now thankfully… AMIS (abused men in Scotland).
They use and manipulate social media to bolster their already fragile egos and use it as another means to punish and harass their victim/s and embroil them into their unstable and distorted world.
another tool of manipulation, just like the police/ biased legal system/family courts with the customary enablers in tow..when will the crazy Feminists realise, It’s not OK to abuse any man.
Dr T, Paul, Shari Schreiber et-al , thank you for your wonderful work you do for raising awareness and exposing the One sided and Inequality of violence towards men.
“…would n e v e r be deviant, or malicious…”
Wow. Great show, Doc. You and Paul don’t miss a beat, nor leave stones unturned. Thank you both for existing.
There are studies that show if you have over 1,000 FB “friends”, you probably have NPD. My ex uses FB to attempt to raise her self esteem. Whenever she raged on me, she would follow the tantrum up with a visit to her FB page, post some pics(usually of herself) and wait for her “friends” to hit the “Like” button. Instant narcissistic supply to offset the prior injury.
Hi newpapa. 🙂 I would agree that 1,000 “friends” is a bit excessive except in the case where the bunch of you are musicians or music lovers and often have upcoming concert dates and shows that you might want to attend, or artists sharing artwork, graphic tips, etc. Also those of us who are into helping shelter animals often have lots of so-called friends so we can network quickly and save an otherwise doomed pet’s slated for euthanasia in a shelter.
Just a few “exceptions” but generally I agree with what you wrote.
Key word being probably, as facebook has been extremely useful for building networks for promotions of events – so having lots of friends in that respect is good.
Itza Sekret says
After completely blocking the Ex on FB, and all her friends & fam (who were nothing more than spies anymore)…. I look at FB/LinkedIn/Personal Websites/Etc a little differently now. For BP/NPD’s, social media & the internet are an irresistable bait to reveal themselves. The self aggrandizing is pretty obvious. A simple Google search gives me a good idea who I’m dealing with nowdays. This even gave me advanced warning that I was walking into a job interview with a hugely narcisstic personality, and that none of my accomplishments would be acknowledged. I thusly set my expectations = zero for that interview and just used it to confirm/check my instinct about it being an undesireable opportunity.
I’m curious whether long term exposure on social media will eventually result in -fewer- mating opportunities (in society) for people with egosyntonic dysfunction, or, whether it will just be a “personalized” form of local celebrity that will bring more fools to their door.
For a long time, I had a minimal FB presence. One day, I checked my email to find I had a friend request from my exgf. It was weeks short of 25 years since our last contact.
If she’d done her homework, she’d have surmised I was married and had kids. Maybe she had and it didn’t affect her decision. But, when I looked at my FB page from her perspective, there was nothing that would really dissuade her from sending the request.
It threw me for a loop. However, after thinking about it, I thought why hide from her? My life is pretty good so I decided to turn my page into a virtual electric fence along with a few mines. She’s welcome to look but she may not like what she sees. We’re separated by 25 years and 2500 miles so the risk seems small. My theme became, “What can you offer me that I don’t already have?”
Back then my exgf told me she wanted to meet the woman who became my wife. I denied that request then. I think I could sort of honor it now so I posted a public album of my wife and I on our honeymoon. On our anniversary, I posted pictures of the wedding.
My exgf told me, “You should find some sweet young thing that adores you and not waste your time with a crusty old broad like me.” I found the hottest picture of my wife and me, made it my profile picture. I quoted her on it, including her initials, the name of the restaurant she was in when she said it and the date. After the quote, I said, “I found one!”
I don’t know if she ever saw any of it but it’s not important. I left a lot of stuff on the table back then and I got a chance to do a little something about it.
I haven’t heard from her since.
Oh my Dr. Elam and Dr. T;
Another bullseye here with this incredible post! And this is why:
1) My exBPD had over 60 selfies for her profile picture folder in Facebook.
2) She posted “love quotes” and some other stuff when things went south with her targets.
3) The moment she broke up with me she started posting stuff about Jesus Christ (she doesn’t even go to church), and how he had a perfect plan for her. She also started to post messages that got the attention of many people (she was obsessed with the number of likes she got out of her posts) and started to make a self-marketing campaign to get the attention of guys that were even overseas.
4) When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she immediately started to post love quotes, changed pictures (that was normal, I believed), since I changed my profile pic with one that had us both. However, she was obsessed with getting the approval of the crowd, started to put stuff like “god bless the broken road that led me to you”…I think this was kind of like a “hook” to suck me in her vortex even deeper.
5) She used Facebook to post stuff against abortion and other stuff, when in the real world she stated that she knew where to buy abortion pills (black market) and she had no problem in using them if she needed to.
6) She is a mortal combination: works in PR and uses dozens of social networking platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linkedin, Instagram, Foursquare, Calaméo, and some dating apps. She knows how to talk the talk..
7) Wanted to let everybody know where I studied for my MBA (she seemed proud of it) through Facebook postings, but in reality she bashed when I spoke about my success (our troubles) during my studies.
Some weeks after our break-up, I decided to erase my Facebook completely. I was tired of her attention seeking comments and false allegations, using pictures of her grandmother and late father. She told every picture of her and her daddy were stolen by her stepmom, but miraculously appeared in Facebook collages. This is when I saw another facet of her problems (lying to get attention) and decided to make my Facebook disappear to start my long NC battle.
I also erased her from my Linkedin, deleted a shared pictures folder in iCloud (I had control of it), blocked her in whatsapp and even changed my number as I came back to my country after obtaining my MBA title. I think this should be a very strong message to a normal person, but for my surprise, she sent an invitation to connect through Linkedin again about a month ago. I denied the invitation and blocked her. I mean, WTF? she is already being a booty call for a drug-addict and womanizer so what is the point of “befriending” me in Linkedin again after her betrayal?
It is incredible how this people use Social Networks to enforce their false masks. We need to be very careful, since people can portray false identities over the net in a very easy fashion.
So once again my dear doctors and fellow bloggers, you are right when you say in someway “Social Networking” is the happy-hunting and feeding ground for crazy assholes..
take care and God bless.
UFC – unidentified form of crazy. Really resonates and amuses.
Bjoern Johnzon says
Good! Can also talk about the perils of a person with a nicelooking profile, like “spray painted bad apples”, partly quoted from begood4000.