Over the last 40 years or so, there has been a sharp rise in female entitlement. Many parents just love buying Disney princess costumes for their little girls. Alas, many of these junior princesses don’t leave the Princess Mentality behind with their childhoods. As adults, they expect grown men to treat them like “royalty.”
A woman who self-identifies as princess, queen, diva, or goddess, is typically more interested in being worshiped as an infallible being or pampered like a Siamese cat than she is in being in a reciprocal love relationship. However, the problem doesn’t lie only with princesses, but also with the men who willingly become their subjects.
Below is the the Top Ten list Paul Elam read on the Why Men Should Not Treat Women Like Princesses radio program. It’s a little tough love, but it’s spot on and holds both princesses and men who knowingly become involved with them to account. – Dr T
The Top 10 Reasons Why Men Should Avoid Princesses
10. Because she’s not royalty. Unless you have inside connections to one of the few remaining monarchies in the world, she isn’t a princess anywhere except her childish imagination. Is her first name Princess, or Duchess or even Lady? If the answer is no, she is just a mere mortal, and unless you would enjoy life with someone who deludes themselves into thinking otherwise, then it is better that you figure it out, NOW.
9. Because anyone who wants to be treated like a princess won’t be impressed with anything you do for more than about 5 minutes. It’s a life of chasing your tail trying to satisfy a princess, and when you are used up, she will get someone else to take over.
8. Because any grown woman who can actually look you in the eye and tell you she expects to be treated like a princess has the emotional IQ of a toddler, and that’s if you are lucky. Do you want a woman, or a spoiled brat who will always, ALWAYS end up making you miserable?
7. Because princesses are not cost effective. They are expensive. They have constant demands that they fully expect to be satisfied, only they have no intention of paying for any of it. What you will get for turning your wallet into a cushion under her lazy ass is the pleasure of her company; time she will spend making more demands of you.
You will actually be paying for her to sit around thinking of more ways to make you pay. She won’t know that is what is happening, because it doesn’t pay for her to be aware of it. This is not true for you.
It will pay off big time for you to be aware. You not only have to be aware that she’s a princess, you have to know it and make the choice to get rid of her. You can’t manage a princess and, if you take one on, you’re going to get exactly what you asked for.
6. Because princesses are invariably stupid and boring. Real intelligence doesn’t lend itself to being self-absorbed. Women that will tell you they want to be a princess and that they just love shiny presents and constant attention and always getting their way, are also telling you they’re not smart enough to realize the benefits of cooperation, shared burdens, or being invested in anything except themselves.
And that will become real apparent when they talk. Almost everything they say will be about themselves or something else equally stupid. Want to spend the rest of your life listening to a blow-by-blow account every time she buys a new pair of shoes, every last detail of her trip to the spa, or her cutting insights on the hair styles of the rich and famous? Get yourself a princess and get ready to dumb things way, way down, while you are forced to pretend that you like it.
Well, unless of course, you’re a simpleton yourself, and if that’s the case, a princess is just what you need. She’ll make your life very, very simple. Fetch! Roll over! Good boy! Now fetch! That’s the cycle, guys.
5. Because princesses are vindictive. If someone finds it acceptable to have a relationship based on getting their way in all things, it won’t improve when times get tough. In fact, it will get worse. Again, let us put this into the form of a question for you to answer as rationally and honestly as possible.
If, when she thinks that you are the best thing since sliced bread, when the sight of you makes her heart go pitter pat, she thinks that everything you do should be about her, and that every decision made should be what she wants, then how do you think she is going to act when things go south and you become the anti-Christ in her eyes? You think she was demanding before? You ain’t seen nothing yet. And she might just have a lawyer and a couple of cops there to help her express her disapproval of you when the time comes for you to be banished for displeasing her.
4. Because having a spine is fun. Your spine is the motor control that allows you to do everything you want to do in life. It starts at the base of your brain and ends in the same general neighborhood as your balls. It is instrumental in helping you pursue things you actually like to do, and allows you to walk away from doing things that you don’t like or don’t want to do.
Princesses only like spines in certain circumstances, like when they are removed and mothballed in a box for safe keeping. Of course when that happens, the brain and the balls get put in storage with it. You see, without a spine, a brain and balls are pretty useless anyway. While you’re storing those things away, you might as well include your dreams, desires, friendships, interests and ambitions, and maybe even your family depending on how much control your princess requires.
3. Because a princess will cheat on you. You always have to remember the emotional condition of someone who actually thinks being treated like a princess is a normal and a tenable requirement in a relationship. You are dealing with someone that is grossly immature, self-centered and irresponsible.
She is more than capable of convincing herself that cheating on you is not only a good idea, but probably what you deserve — because if you really knew how to treat a woman like a princess it would not be happening to you. Even if she hates herself for cheating on you, she will figure out how to dump that on you as well. Royal is not loyal, guys. Remember, you’re not her man. You’re her subject and god help you if you ever cheat on her. It is subjects who are expected to be loyal to royalty, and not the other way around.
2. Because whatever a princess feels for you, it is not love. At least not the kind you want. Again, when you have a princess, you’re not her partner. You’re the help. We may like the people who help us a lot. We may well think they are vital and indispensable in some ways, but we don’t love them. We don’t even really like having to pay them for what they do.
When you are with a princess, you are unpaid help. Well, okay, I take that back. You do get the pleasure of her company, and you get to enjoy all things HER, every minute of every day of your miserable life. Heck, every once in a while you might actually get short lived recognition that you are a human being. But if you think anyone that would treat you like an accessory really loves you, then you might want to check in with your self-respect and ask it how it’s doing.
1. The number one reason to not get involved with a princess is because there is no one there with whom to get involved. I want to say that one more time: Because there’s no one there with whom to get involved, guys. There is no there there. When it comes to princesses, there’s no one home. Princesses are empty, vacuous human beings with no real personal identity to speak of at all.
They are a mouthy collection of wants, imagined needs and whims, all driven by the fantasy of self-importance and specialness. They are just the sum of their desires, and without exception you can be nothing more in their eyes than the human “doing” designated to deliver what she wants.
In that sense, you can never be any more whole or real than she is. You will be just as shallow and fake. In fact, if you are involved long-term with a princess, it is probably a good time to take a look in the mirror, and to recognize that the only thing staring back at you is a useful clown.
If there is anything more substantive than that left in you, you might want to start talking to that part of yourself about making some changes.
Thanks again to Paul Elam for 10 very good reasons men and women should avoid princesses. – Dr T
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
“there is no one there to get involved with”
One thing always puzzled me about my wife: she did not seem to be passionate about anything. For a long time I had hoped she would find “her thing” and get off my back. Unfortunately “her thing” was meddling in every detail of my life.
I have no regrets over leaving. I just hope that neither the kids nor I suffer too many lumps during the divorce process.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
I have no regrets over leaving. I just hope that neither the kids nor I suffer too many lumps during the divorce process.
I hope so, too, RTMan.
Regarding the lumps you and the children will receive: accept this as an inevitability. In your case (which I share with you), I have found that the blows are less powerful when you know they are coming. Be the tree that bends in the wind (emotional teflon) but doesn’t sacrifice the placement of its roots (boundaries).
Children are remarkably plastic. I have heard from so many of my adult friends with wacked-out parents that they always knew “the deal”, even as small children. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a lot harder to implement when you preserve your own mental health and offer them a safe, calm space during your own parenting time. Without countering Mommy’s claims directly, I have done a good job of teaching them the value of critical thinking. Kids, not everything an adult tells you is necessarily true, and YOU get to decide what your truth is.
Two years on the other side, and life is a thousand times better. Hang in there, amigo.
Cousin Dave says
“One thing always puzzled me about my wife: she did not seem to be passionate about anything.”
I figured this out a while ago as a way to spot borderlines: they have no apparent hobbies or interests, other than passive entertainment. Doesn’t work all the time, but it’s right more often than not. I figure it’s because they lack the attention span to engage in that type of activity.
My soon to be ex (she moved out)makes great money and always talks about being a princess because thats how her dad taught her. This woman is 52 and acts like a 14 yrs old… her only interest is makeup, Turner Classic Movies, and buying clothes. She can’t cook (literally), I do all that and I do the shopping. She is the most self absorbed BPD person I have ever met.
Amazing list. Its funny how photos 1 and 3 look almost identical to my (cheating) ex-wife. She used to say her dad called her ‘princess’ and seemed to still identify with that title in her 30s. Yes, indeed, they do cheat and will justify it in the blink of an eye. Mine said ‘if you ever did the same thing, i would have left you in a heartbeat’. However, when she did it, she claimed ‘oh whatever, people cheat all the time, you’ll get over it…and besides you deserve it.’ (She claimed i deserved it for having a DREAM about another woman from 10 years ago.) In her head (warped reality), i cheated on her ‘first’.
By the way, if no one has yet seen the movie ‘Young Adult’ with Charlize Theron, i highly recommend it. It is the most scathing depiction of a ‘princess’ NPD anti-hero I have ever seen. It truly shows how they are completely ‘not there’ (as your rule #1), and how miserable they are inside, without ever admitting that to themselves of course. The audience can clearly see how truly empty/awful they are, no matter how pretty on the outside. Its a great reminder movie of red flags to avoid.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
Would you believe this isn’t the first time I’ve read or heard about a woman justifying her real infidelity because her boyfriend/husband had a dream about another person?
Based on your experience, we should also add “lacks empathy” to the list.
I haven’t seen Young Adult yet, but it’s on my list.
LT Greenwald says
Yep, Dr. T, lack of empathy is a biggie. It’s quite sick and demented when you think about it. EVERYTHING, ALWAYS is about them and you are just there for the ride.
I want to see young adult, but I’m afraid it’ll hit too close to home!
Yes. It’s astounding that these abusive women will elevate even your thoughts or dreams about other women to the same level as cheating. Luckily I didn’t stay with my exgf long enough for her to start cheating, but she had such a need for what she called ‘openness’ and ‘honesty’ that she pried to find out which women I’d had crushes on in the past. She couldn’t even stand to hear that I’d ‘liked’ anyone else before I met her. She had such a deep need to feel in control that she wanted to control my thoughts! I’m almost certain she would have cheated eventually if I’d stayed, and equally certain she would have used similar logic to justify it when found out. She had no problem twisting logic to serve whatever she was trying to justify at the time.
My wife is BPD and extremely jealous and insecure.. however, hers comes from her dad cheating on her mother. My wife is 52, has 4 kids from 3 different guys. Live with 3 OTHER guys. The kicker, she has cheated on every single one of the on multiple occassions. Then has the audacity to go off on me because I have an ex wife…
‘Young Adult’ was perfect. Mavis never held herself accountable for anything she did, and thought this cruel,stupid world misunderstood her,like all princesses seem to think. She was a perfect example of a magical thinker with entitled fantasies about what “relationships” are. (Not reciprocal) Typical NPD. I loved the ending.
I watched ‘Young Adult’ last night. Yes, she is definitely NPD, and I enjoyed the ending too. If I had to make one critique, I would say that real life NPD are typically more subtle to the observer than the way Mavis is presented in the movie. As the audience we get to observe her behavior throughout, and it is made obvious that it is unacceptable. Also (and I don’t think this is a spoiler), there is a scene where her mask comes completely off for everyone to see beneath. Unfortunately, that may not ever happen in real life cases. Real NPD’s are very careful to keep up an illusion of normalcy (and success/excellence of character even) to all but their most intimate people. Anyway, the enabling part of it really hit home for me. Certainly not the greatest movie, but does have a message and makes its point well. And I think past victims of abuse would probably be safe to watch it without triggering too many unpleasant flashbacks, as it doesn’t show much of the horrifying unreasonable tirades that I’m sure a person like Mavis would inevitably have plenty of if she were real. The movie dwells mostly on Mavis’ obviously immature behavior and unrealistic expectations. Check it out if this sounds interesting to you.
I’ve posted at answerology.com about getting dumped because of a dream SHE had about her man being with another woman! I wonder how many men have gone to bed with a lover, and woken up DUMPED?
Does a princess necessarily have to be materialistic or brought up always given stuff? What about an emotionally pampered princess? What if she was brought up extremely emotionally pampered. Every thing is “WOW! That’s SO great and SO wonderful” treatment from parents/grandparents, after she does simple house chores to complimenting on new hair style or new outfit. From child to an adult. And with all that, now introduce a career. The treatment from family is the same. “Oh you must be SO tired, here let me make you dinner, our daughter works SO hard, she’s SO great, So amazing, etc. How does this set her up for a relationships with a normal guy? Meaning she may not need presents etc, but be emotional needy, jealous, self-absorbed? Especially if the guy is only complimenting normally when needed and not with the exaggerated way as she is at home? Will she think the guy does not really love her? Or really like that dress or new hair or new idea if he just says ya that looks good, or thats a good idea, etc. Will her “normal” be as she had it at home? Also, if her being treated a princess at home and her opinion be the one that always stood, whether picking paint colours to vehicle, to anything, all without argument, would this not make her overly critical in a relationship with a guy? And not be able to take any constructive critism? Basically any other answer than “WOW! That’s GREAT! You’re the BEST! That’s AWESOME!”, generate an issue? If the guy gives a toned down version, then she may feel like no you don’t really like it, etc. If the guy has an opinion its not really heard, just a state of sadness cuz its the opposite of what she expected. Then everything spiraling downhill. Now introduce marriage, if a house is cleaned, or a dinner made, or her coming home from a long 8hr work day, or her wearing a new outfit, or doing a kind deed for husband, etc, anything… see were I’m going? Dinners ruined. Nights ruined. You don’t appreciate me’s. You don’t love me’s. And on and on and on…
Canoe Convoy says
One point I would add is the lack of control over emotions. I think that it would be good if many more individuals, both female and male, learned stoicism. I know it has been something I’ve had to work at over my life, but it doesn’t help at all when a woman seems to be borderline bipolar.
The second point is that far too many individual women seem to have all of the issues listed in the original post.
Why Men Should Avoid Princesses?
Summing up, they’re more trouble than they’re worth.
Thanks Paul for writing down and letting me read what I should know so well being married to one.
I’ve met my share of yuppie suburban housewives and divorcees, and as Canoe Convoy points out, MOST women seem to have this entire list of traits.
I noticed it a long time ago, too. It’s the stereotype image I have of college party girls with lots of “friends”, but no real substance to their lives. They get married, maybe have nice jobs and careers, raise children, but never gain any substance for themselves.
They meet men who race motorcycles, play rock & roll, or in my case, play Civil War. We have interests and hobbies outside of our essential lives.
The women we marry demand we give it all up, because “We’re MARRIED now!”
We become Hollow Shells, pod people with no “There” of our own. Our spouses lose interest in us, intimacy fades to nothing, and if we’re lucky, we escape in a fairly painless divorce.
We meet someone much younger who still is looking for the good things we bring, and it starts all over again.
I have an ex that was this to a definition. The more I spent trying to be nice the more she wanted . It was surprising to see from a 50 year old woman. It was absurd and draining, and I`m glad she is gone!three month of fun, six months of childish hell, but I`m not angry lol.
Most of “princesses” I’ve met – including The Crazy Lady In [identifying info removed] – have the IQ of gnat in a bag full of hammers. In one of our make-up dinners (public), she talked about everything she liked to do. And that was all we talked about. I tried to interject another subject, such as, “What do you think of this current event?” to no avail. She inevitably turned the conversation to her.
At this point, all I wanted, if it were possible, to unscrew my leg at the knee and kick myself square in the marbles. What was I doing?! Why was I doing this to myself?! I think I entertained the thought of jabbing myself in the ear with the butter knife. However, God does not take too kindly to suicide so I abandoned the thought.
The relationship was over for me at this point. A few days later, I boarded the a plane to New York.
Guys, take this article – all of them in fact – to heart. We will never recover the time, energy, and effort wasted on “princesses”. Save yourself for someone who deserves it and your time will never be wasted again.
Peace and health 🙂
I courted a woman for three months and went out for nine. I liked and love her so much. I tried so hard. Bu she totally took me for granted, mistreated me, verbally and psychologically abused me, she made me jump through hoops, made me the bad guy, and a whole lot more. After going through this site I’m pretty sure she has some kind of mental problem like borderline, narcissism, etc. I tried so hard to take care of her and gain her trust, but things never changed. They only got worse.
Here is a text message that she sent me when we were starting to get to know each other:
“My conclusion is he should assume I’m a princess and treat me as such and like it or else he will be miserable
I remember this red flag but I ignored it. I wanted her so badly! I thought that we would be OK because I’m a good guy and I treat my partner like a princess. Unfortunately, she never treated my like a prince. I was a piece of shit. Now a year later (since that message), and three months since I last saw her, I live with crazy anxiety, anger, sadness, and other almost unbearable thoughts and feelings. It’s killing me.
It’s not cool that nice guys finish last. (that’s what my ex told me once)
I just wish there was some kind of justice.
Sorry, I meant to write that she said “nice guys finish last” and that I don’t think it’s cool that she thinks that way.
adrian evergreen says
The biggest red flag for me was a phone call when CGM was on the down side of a Stoner session with bro. And the difference between the I love you, we connect on a magic level, we just click. To vicious nasty comments in a nano second. So much so that Crazys brother made him ring back and apologise!
I didn’t know he was a cronic dope smoker at the time as we loved in two different cities and I also was completely unaware that he never worked much and told me he did.
Working for your ex for two hours a week with him paying for everything, is not work!
Aaah the triangle; there’s always a triangle.
And yes he was a King! It’s a Maori thing. They are always royalty apparently. But mine…well, was more of a princess. NC 16 days:-) .
Thanks again S4M.
An excellent article! I have been reading every single article on this site and find them all insightful. I have also been opening my eyes to examples of blatant female abuse towards men in the media. I came across this “gem” (part of a princess’s “crown??”) just a few minutes ago. It seems directed towards younger women or girls and gives a VERY damaging message!
Hopefully this link will bring up a Google Search and several revolting examples of “Chicks Rule” misuse of power: http://preview.tinyurl.com/kjn4b5x