Kelli Lynn Murphy, 41, of Castle Rock, Colorado was arrested for the double homicide of her children Madigan, 6, and Liam, 9, early Monday morning, May 23, 2011.
Ms Murphy called 911 for help after cutting her wrists in a botched suicide attempt after killing her children.
When asked by the 911 operator if there were any children present in the home, Ms Murphy replied, “The children are already in heaven.”
Surprise, surprise, Ms Murphy and her husband, Robert Eric Murphy, are in the middle of a divorce and custody dispute. According to Denver’s Channel 7 News:
Kelli Murphy obtained a temporary restraining order against her husband on March 3, divorce records said.
She accused her husband of being abusive to her and the children . . . Yet, Kelli Murphy acknowledged in court papers that she had never reported her husband to police.
Six days later, the wife asked a judge to dismiss the restraining order. She wrote her husband was “getting help (counseling) for his anger issues … and our children will no longer be in harm’s way.”
She requested a dismissal of the divorce on April 11.
“I do not want to divorce my husband. We filed papers wrongly out of anger,” Kelli Murphy wrote in her dismissal motion. “This needs to stop. We need counseling, NOT a divorce.”
“After attending the parenting class, I know we need to pursue every method we can to save this marriage, keep our family together before it is too late,” Murphy wrote, referring to a “Co-Parenting After Divorce Seminar” the couple completed.
The couple had filed for bankruptcy in June 2010, and the divorce and separation compounded their financial hardship, according to divorce records.
In court filings, Kelli Murphy said her husband had emptied their bank account and put her and the children “on an ‘allowance’ of what he sees fit to give us.”
Robert Murphy’s attorney said the husband was also in a financial bind because his “wife refuses to get a job to help pay the bills,” according to court records. So, all the husband’s discretionary income was going to pay for his wife’s living expenses and $800 a month in spouse and child support.
“(The) husband has been living with his mother in a small residence,” the attorney wrote.
In a dispute that may have been a flashpoint, Kelli Murphy had urged delaying a Monday hearing about temporary child support issues.
“Both of our kids … have end-of-year parties on May 23 that I had planned on attending,” she wrote, adding that her husband also wanted to attend.
Robert Murphy objected to the delay, and his attorney said the “wife refuses to let (her) husband have any parenting time other than the rare days that she allows.”
“The situation is dire, and (the) husband requires temporary orders to get a 50/50 parenting plan. Otherwise, much more time will pass for (the) husband with only limited contact with the children,” Robert Murphy’s attorney wrote.
Court records showed Kelli Murphy got a postponement of the hearing to Wednesday.
Yet, Liam and Madigan never made it to Monday’s year-end school parties.
He made the statement in a motion for a protection order against his wife, saying he feared he was “in imminent danger from Ms. Kelli Murphy.”
Instead, Robert Murphy said he received a call Monday morning from Douglas County sheriff’s officials saying that his wife had “killed our two children.”
In what was perhaps an instance of father’s intuition, Mr Murphy called the police to request a welfare check on his children the day before Ms Murphy murdered them. It’s unknown at this time if the police responded to Mr Murphy’s concerns and checked on them. Unfortunately, when the police finally did arrive, it was too late for Madigan and Liam and their now bereaved father.
This tale is becoming all too eerily familiar. A marriage to a high-conflict, possibly personality-disordered spouse crumbles and divorce ensues. High-conflict wife wants to punish husband and “win” the divorce at any cost.
In order to gain the upper hand in the divorce and custody case, ethically challenged, crazy, but calculating wife makes false abuse allegations and requests an emergency restraining order against husband with zero evidence of any abuse.
When her false allegations are thrown out due to lack of evidence or she voluntarily withdraws them, nothing happens to wife for perjuring herself, denying the father access to the children and the children remain in her care.
As wife shows herself to be less and less credible in the eyes of the judge and divorce proceedings stop going her way, she becomes desperate. The thought of “losing” and of losing control over the husband, the assets and the children makes the unthinkable thinkable: Wife kills the kids in some whacked out act of vengeance and an attempt to gain final control.
In order to avoid jail time, wife stages a non-fatal suicide attempt to gain sympathy and/or a temporary insanity pass and reasserts her former claims of abuse by her husband and . . . wait for it . . . claims she killed the children to “protect” them from their father. Only in the land of Koo Koo for Cocoa Puffs does it make sense to murder the child in order to protect the child.
Of course, it doesn’t make sense, but lest we forget that these kinds of women and men have a unique brand of logic and reason that is anything but logical or rational. Their rationale seems to be that their anger and fear are justification enough for any action, no matter how contemptible or heinous.
Next, feminist organizations get their talking points in order and claim she’s a victim of Battered Woman Syndrome—or whatever the heck they’re calling it these days—and the newspapers and other MSM outlets focus more on the unsubstantiated, not a shred of evidence domestic violence claims against the husband and father than the fact that a vengeful, out-of-control, monster/mother just killed her own children because, ultimately, she didn’t want to share custody and wanted to punish her ex in the most cruel and malicious way possible. The news outlets also ignore the fact that most people (who aren’t feminists, parental alienators/golden uteruses and mainstream media news reporters) now seem to realize abuse allegations are more often than not a tactical ploy in custody and divorce proceedings.
I think women who make false allegations of abuse (i.e., no evidence; no conviction; dismissed and/or dropped charges) should automatically be tagged by the courts and police as being at high-risk for murdering their children. Perhaps this seems extreme. Most women who make false allegations of abuse against their husbands to gain the advantage in a divorce and custody case don’t murder their children. However, most women who murder their children during a custody dispute also make false DV allegations against their husbands, refuse visitation and engage in parental alienation.
Making false allegations of abuse shows a lack of integrity, a willingness to lie, cheat and harm others in order to “win,” a complete disregard for the law, a complete disregard for the well-being of others including one’s own children (claiming that your children’s father is abusive is incredibly damaging to the children) and an attitude of being above the law. Click here to read more about the characteristics of high-conflict (HCP) and/or abusive personality-disordered women (APDI) who are likely to resort to murder during divorce.
When are the courts going to wake up to the fact that having a uterus doesn’t make a woman the better parent by default? When are the courts going to wake up to the fact that mothers who make up false allegations to get their way are not good people, much less good parents? Women and men who try to destroy their children’s relationship with the other parent are child abusers and should not have custody. Granted, women like Kelli Lynn Murphy and Theresa Riggi are extreme cases, but parental alienation is an act of psychological violence and, I believe, a risk factor for potential physical violence in some cases. It’s not just a matter of one parent “being mad” at the other parent. It is an act of purposeful destruction, just like murder.
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Thanks for the news tip, Mellaril. Gawd is this heartbreaking and infuriating. I hope Ms Murphy receives the maximum amount of punishment. I also want to know why the police didn’t do anything the day before the murders.
Have to wonder if they didn’t do anything because it was a man who made the request…
I wondered the same thing myself. I’m also curious if some specific threat had occurred that prompted Mr Murphy to request a welfare check.
I hate to say this, but maybe the police department and the judge need to be sued (if possible). Wrongful death suits may need to occur against our public officials in order to force them to start taking the threat women like Ms Murphy and non-homicidal parental alienators pose seriously.
Sorry, didn’t read the last one on this branch of the thread before I replied about suing. It won’t bring any one back, but maybe the added accountability can prevent future tragedies.
NO one can sue the state because of a doctrine called sovereign immunity
Doug – the state can always be sued, especially police depts. Many wrongful death, abuse, police brutality lawsuits against the police are filed & even won by the plaintiffs (victims). However, I don’t know if they can be sued for failing to act/perform and that failure directly or indirectly results in the injury or death of someone. On that point I’m unsure.
What a heartbreaking case. That woman deserves to go to prison for a long time. What a loon!
This woman doesn’t deserve jail time, she deserved to die. She wanted to commit suicide; give her a gun and let her finish the job.
Jason,
I don’t think she really wanted to commit suicide, otherwise, she wouldn’t have called 911 after cutting her wrists. Also, the cuts must have been very superficial to only necessitate a small bandage and a quick discharge from the hospital.
I think she should spend her life in prison and only be allowed 2 photos in her cell–those of her murdered children from the crime scene.
Jason – don’t forget the mirror
I agree 100%, knotheadusc.
God Bless Mr. Murphy. I think a lot of men are like myself and hanging on as long as they can to protect their kids from monsters like this. It is a no win but the options are worse, obviously.
Most HCP/APDI women don’t murder their kids. We need to identify the ones who are a high risk, however, and protect both the children AND the father from these entitled, self-centered, out of control creeps.
I found myself nodding in agreement as I read the article. I did it without actually realizing I was doing it. I stuck it out and acted as a buffer between her and the kids. I knew there was something wrong way back when the kids were toddlers, but I always just thought it was me and so I was constantly working to fix myself. When I figured out it wasn’t me the kids were still young and I stuck it out until they are now teenagers and can easily handle her.
When the divorce began last year she did exactly like this woman except when she raised the idea of accusing me of things that never happened I already had too many people who were outside and could act as witnesses to the truth. She backed down and simply did her best to separate me from the kids for 3 – 4 months and then only allowed a day and a half every other week or 3 days a month. Now it is up to almost 8 days a month and only because of court.
I do find it frustrating dealing with the court because as a guy if you did even half the crap a woman can pull you would be in jail, lose any chance at custody or half time with the kids, and probably forfeit a substantial part of any assets. My STBX can ignore orders and then only get a stern talking to by the court. She can lie and fabricate crap to my kids about me. And when it is brought up in court and she even admits to things all the court says is “it’s just different parenting styles between the mom and the dad”.
I always thought women wanted equality, but it seems that does not pertain to things involving responsibility. In this case it has to be a sweet deal to be able to delay and manipulate a system in your favor to get whatever you want, but to me that just amplifies the angst and disappointment these PD women experience when the father does make progress and begin to win. And I think because of this additional disappointment that these women feel completely within their right to take matters into their own hands to ensure things come out as they were told they should come out since they are the mother and the court favors the mother.
So to me the court actually bears some of the responsibility for what these women do because they promise these women they will protect them and give them “justice” over these evil fathers and when the court then begins to be perceived by these women as not delivering these women feel compelled to make things right where they believe the court has failed them.
Maybe if each party entered with no preconceived ideas of either having the upper hand then these women would take longer to reach the point where these heinous actions seem justified and as such there might be a chance to stop them.
Well that’s my two cents and I could be wrong, so take it for what it’s worth. Two cents.
Hi Woody,
I always find your 2-cents very valuable. In addition to this:
“Maybe if each party entered with no preconceived ideas of either having the upper hand then these women would take longer to reach the point where these heinous actions seem justified and as such there might be a chance to stop them.”
these women also need to begin receiving serious and immediate consequences when they make false allegations, commit perjury, deny access, violate court orders and all of the other nonsense they perpetrate. I think the corporations who profit from building jails are missing out on a really big cash cow.
Thank You Dr. T.
I couldn’t agree with you more about the need for consequences. I must admit that before I was in the middle of a divorce myself I took it with a grain of salt when men would describe how things worked in court. Now that I have been able to firsthand witness how courts treat women in divorce I have to just keep asking myself what these Judges must be thinking.
For the men it is a matter of always making sure your T’s are crossed and your I’s are dotted and never say anything angry or show the least bit of emotion lest you be accused of being out of control and in need of restraint.
For the women it is a matter of doing anything they want and then when in court come up with some emotional story for why it isn’t really their fault and why they really shouldn’t be punished. And in all but the most egregious incidents the Judge will comfort the woman and unless forced he will forego any punishment and the admonish the man to understand and accept his lack of Judgment.
I definitely think that if both parties were held to the same standard there would be a lot more women in jail for failing to follow court orders or in many cases outright perjury and theft. I think if the system ever does start treating the genders equal in divorce there will be a lot of women passing out on the first day when reality smacks them in the face.
I also think that you are absolutely right, the need for jails would skyrocket and there is good money to be made there with a definite ongoing positive cash flow for at least a decade.
Dr. T. wrote: “In order to avoid jail time, wife stages a non-fatal suicide attempt to gain sympathy and/or a temporary insanity pass…”
From what I’ve heard, affirmative defense (“insanity” plea, guilty but not responsible plea, etc.) is rarely successful. I was involved in an attempted arson case last year where there was proof that the perpetrator was mentally retarded, but she eventually came clean with her attorney that she knew what she was doing, and that’s the tipping point – did the person know what they were doing at the time, and did they understand the potential consequences?
Hi Marshall,
I think these women know very well what they’re doing and that it’s wrong; they just don’t care and why should they? They rarely receive consequences for their bad behavior, so is it any surprise they think they can literally get away with murder?
If our society and judicial system really want to prevent more tragedies like this, they need to start enforcing the law when women commit “minor” offenses such as making false allegations, BS TROs, violating court orders, etc. Perhaps if they receive the message early on that breaking the law won’t be tolerated, they wouldn’t feel emboldened to commit murder. Alternately, even if they’re hellbent on destruction, if they’re put in jail for lesser offenses, they wouldn’t be free to commit murder.
I have found with most of these women who kill that they have an excessive and long standing pattern of threatening, acting out or in, many reactive depressions, or have made desperate pleas when their overly sensitive abandonment/rejection buttons are pushed; which are really obsessional. The ones who kill their husband’s have a more unrealistic,idealized,inflated sense of self in the relationship. Their acts of violence stem from the humiliation and fear they feel of not being able to keep a relationship,loss of identity, status and with most of them pain that never heals from one failed relationship to another. All of them are more likely to disintegrate because they can’t deal with their inner turmoil inside themselves much at all, and they have no one on hand to keep them glued together. The more desperate they feel the more dangerous they are because they have lost control over their partner which equates to having lost control over themselves. The ones who kill their kids don’t really value them much to begin with in their scheme of things. They had them to be more important to their partner. They have gotten sick of the responsibility and see them as a hindrance. Their kids are pawns that they use for their gain. It is rather like a Munchhausen by Proxy when they kill their kids because it creates the ultimate victim position. The kids are martyred for their cause, and it causes their partner enormous pain so they get them back that way. Their injuries or psychological trauma are always the focal point after the fact, and the kids have it better than them in some way. Ex: Look at me my wrists hurt, and my kids can’t feel pain. After all, they are in Heaven anyway.
ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING. This poor man. To think what he must being going through. Loosing a child is probably the hardest loss anyone could ever have to endure. But loosing them to murder by their mother? OMG! Why? Because he “had to pay”.
Your so right Dr T. It is high time the courts adopted a ZERO tolerance policy on false claims of abuse. The offending party should loose custody. NO questions asked, they do NOT get a pass of “well she was just mad”. They do not pass go & THEY have to pay child support. They didn’t have a job in marriage? Too damn bad. Walmart & McDonalds are ALWAYS hiring. Of course they should also get some jail time for filing a false report AND have to repay the cost of investigating their false claim.
I had shared before how a PSYCHO woman I dated for a while stalked & harrased me after I dumped her. Part of it was she made a false claim of DV. Luckily for me at the time she claimed I did it my band was playing a show 200 mi away. Still it cost ME thousands to prove they were false. When my lawyer requested she be arrested they refused. Now she has a second victim that she suckered into marriage. When HE filed for divorce because of her “Issues” she did the exact same. He also proved them false. To this day she has never been arrested for this. If a man did anything close to this he would be in jail.
I know a male co-worker who’s future ex wife made a false sexual abuse claim. It took over a year to prove he didn’t do it & only then because the child told the Judge in chambers that “mommy made me say that” was he cleared. BUT guess what? SHE STILL got custody. The judge said the child had already lived with mom for so long that he didn’t want to disrupt her life. WHAT??? When will the madness end?
Ron
I hear ‘ya, Ron. Zero tolerance. Period.
Even though it won’t bring their children back, the bereaved fathers should start suing everyone responsible for the children’s welfare when there are existing complaints about the mother’s treatment of the children, provided they’re not immune from lawsuits. I don’t know if they’d “win” the cases, but shelling out money to defend the cases might make courts and the agencies entrusted with children’s well being more responsive to father’s concerns. This is a really valid & scary area of men’s rights, as well as children’s rights. When it comes to children, a woman’s claims that the father is an abuser seem to be taken much more seriously and handled more quickly than a man’s claims that the mother is an abuser.
There was a horrific situation in NY recently where a mother drove her vehicle into a river. She killed 3 of her 4 children and tried to restrain the eldest from escaping the flooded vehicle. Of course, at the end, she claimed it was a mistake and she didn’t want to do it.
The father wasn’t exactly dad of the year, but he didn’t deserve the vilification in the media which followed. He was cheating on her and left the littlest one alone while sleeping. The kid got out & to wandered in the snow. But there was no firm evidence that he physically abused her. There was a restraining order issued, but it was related to the neglect charge when he let the kid wander. He showed up pounding on her door the day the ordered was issued. Which to me could have been a conflict with her or it could have been concern for the kids. It was portrayed as he showed up raging at her home with nothing proving he was abusive quoted or cited in articles.
I’m not saying letting a kid wander off is good parenting, but it’s certainly better than drowning them. The eldest may have survived because he was the only one old enough to free himself from the car, but he’s also the only one who wasn’t fathered by the cheating ex, so I do wonder if that played a role too. She tried to hold onto to him to keep him in the car, but he was able to get free. I wonder if she wanted to kill him less because he had a different father so it wasn’t “punishing” the cheating ex to kill the eldest? I think the media overlooked that aspect of things. Because of course, we can’t admit mothers single out one or more of their children for abuse. The myth of mothers love all of their children equally must prevail.
This article contains some of the examples of blaming the bereaved father. One of the experts tries to blame the relationship problems between the parents for the death of the children.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42776578/ns/us_news/t/father-gets-criticized-ny-mother-killing-kids/
This quote from one of the relatives responding to the father’s decision to bury his children apart from the woman who murdered them, aka, their mother, is a prime example of golden uterus thinking:
“She gave birth to them,” said Armstrong’s cousin Channise White. “At the end of the day, no matter what, they are her children. They should be buried with her.”
Nope, I think the fact that she drowned them trumps the fact that she gave birth to them. The only objection I had to the man’s decision was that it might make it tougher on the eldest to have to go to 2 services and visit 2 different locations if he wants to visit the graves for both his mother and siblings. But that’s really his mother’s fault, not the father of the 3 other children’s fault.
I’m not condoning his cheating or his neglect of the youngest. But if it had been the mother who was cheating and neglected the youngest, would people be so quick to blame her if the father killed the children? I don’t think so.
If you want more detail on that incident, you can Google Jean Pierre Lashanda Armstrong.
The reality is that the kid who wandered outside in the snow could just have easily done so under the mother’s care while she was asleep. Parents can’t be everywhere at all times.
Additionally, perhaps this man was experiencing abuse from his wife and sought comfort elsewhere. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s certainly understandable. At the end of the day, it’s the murderer’s choice and the blame lies solely upon them. I wouldn’t have buried her anywhere near the children. In fact, I wouldn’t have paid for her burial. Let the city dispose of her.
Also, if I were the father in the Murphy case, I’d be filing civil and criminal suits all over the place. I would also publicize the reality of living with Kelli Lynn Murphy. I’m guessing there’s quite a history there.
True, but all it takes is money, and a lawyer will not even talk with you if you can’t put 5k in thier slimmy hamds. Sorry don’t mean to bash lawyers I am sure there might be a good one out there someplace, maybe… Where would be there payout for sueing their own kind, something I found out recently, most professionals have a ethics review board and small bussinesses have the better business burea, but lawyers have no one to report to, or be judged by… and guess who makes the laws, yeap you guessed politicians and what did they do before “public service” right again… So why would they tip the apple cart by doing something that’s right and not trying to get the votes…
Been reading this site for sometime, all the articles tie together, the Dr. Phil, to physc. evals.
Yes the system is flawed, the problem is men don’t bitch… as much, to truly be heard and if someone stands up, they are put through the ringer and looses everything.
Key points in the article I notice, she refused to work, protrayed the perfect mother and wife in public, made false reports, I know I can put a check mark on all those plus many more about my wife. I’m sure all of you can also.
Great Site Dr. T. thanx much it helps also seeing my therapist every other week.
Stay strong our children need us!
Sorry, I left out some detail on the neglect charge. Most of this NY Post story is the kind of hatchet piece I’m talking about which just glorifies the mother while vilifying the father, I don’t agree with the tone at all. But it does quote court papers re: the neglect charge:
“Pierre reached an all-time low on Super Bowl Sunday, according to court papers, when Armstrong left him with their sleeping 2-year-old son, Lance, and took the others to her aunt’s house to watch the game.
He promptly ditched the boy and went off to a nearby store.
“Lance found his way out of the apartment and down to the street” barefoot and shirtless on a bone-chilling, 19-degree night, according to court papers.
He was found shivering in his soaking sweatpants on a dirty, downtown street and taken to a police station.
Pierre’s girlfriend, Shannel Baez, showed up to claim the boy, pretending to be his mother.
Armstrong told cops that Pierre shamelessly denied knowing Baez — and downplayed the incident when she frantically called him.”
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/lashanda_deadbeat_hell_2oWeUXdq2lg1MvNVFxhYeO
Other news stories said he was meeting a girlfriend when he left the 2 year old alone. I think anyone deliberately leaving a 2 year old alone in the home, regardless of gender or the reason is in the wrong. But I don’t think he should be demonized while the parent who killed the kids is excused because she “snapped”. I highly doubt the media would play it that way if a father killed his kids.
As for the infidelity, I don’t know the details and you could very well be right. According to neighbors, friends and relatives, it was an ongoing thing and they were constantly fighting about it. In that case, I think she bears at least half of the responsibility for the mess of a relationship for having 3 kids with the guy when she knew what he was like. Particularly when she’d had the first kid by another guy at the age of 15. At some point, people need to think about their life choices, especially when they affect others, like children.
Some articles quoted the landlord as saying she asked him to change the locks 2x as “proof” she was afraid of him. But I wonder about the possibility that she took him back and gave him the key. It happens. It may not mean he was abusive, but rather they had one of those on/off relationships.
And a few articles mentioned he was taken off the day care list and the day care folks were instructed not to give him information about the children. It was an attempt to spin him as “abusive”, but I wonder if worry/concern for the kids was what prompted him to show up pounding on her door after the restraining order for neglect? I think the media really dropped the ball on this one with half a**ed reporting.
Just another heartbreaking story! Simply amazing the power of the “GU”
http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/enews/cv/enews-20110215.html
I find this article to have exceptional insight and am glad to have run across it. My husband and I were personal friends of the Murphy’s several years ago and from all I have read so far, this article most closely depicts what our perceptions of Eric and Kelli were at that time. We saw a husband who adored his wife and did everything and anything she asked. What Kelli wanted, Kelli got, without exception. While always polite to us, we found her to be sharp tongued, demanding and very much a princess with Eric. With that said, it never appeared to bother Eric in the least. He was outgoing, friendly and honestly seemed to enjoy doing anyhing to make Kelli happy. While I certainly don’t know how things might have changed in recent years, I believe that for Eric to be the abuser that has been reported in court documents, it would basically amount to a total role reversal. It makes me ill to imagine the coming defense that will almost certainly portray Eric as a monster who drove her to this.
The other thing that has compounded this for me personally is the knowledge that Kelli and Eric struggled through infertility for many years before finally becoming pregnant with Liam following IVF. To know all they went through and what it took for them to bring those babies home and then to see this happen….I can’t even begin to understand.
Thank you very much for registering and commenting, LRS. This tragedy is so heartbreaking, I can’t even begin to imagine the agony Mr Murphy and his family are experiencing. When I think about what his ex did I’m outraged. I’m outraged by her selfish and sick actions and a family court system that allowed her to get away with it and allow her to most likely vilify Mr Roberts in a cowardly attempt to avoid jail. I hope justice is served, even though no matter what happens to Ms Murphy won’t bring the children back.
Kind Regards,
Dr Tara
It speaks volumes that in an article about how a mother killed her children, they feel the need to explicitly state that the father is not a suspect. To me, the fact that the article doesn’t state he’s under arrest or being investigated is sufficient to infer that. But because society at large is so quick to blame fathers, it has to be spelled out.
I agree. Popular culture, academia and the justice system keep pushing the idea that men are bad, women are good, and if women do something bad it must be because the bad men made them do it. This is nonsense, and flies in the face of principles of individual accountability and moral agency that are (or at least were,once upon a time) part of the foundation of Western civilization. We seem to get further and further away from those principles, and it’s not a good thing at all in my view.
I am fairly new to this site, so I would like to say hello to everyone, especially Dr. Tara, and thank her for giving a more in-depth perspective of female behavior, and her compassion which allows men and the women in their lives to speak out and enable them to lower their guard without fear of silence or deterrence from the majority.
Since when has it become okay to rob a man of his children, and force him to pay a vast amount of the funds that he works very hard for, so that another individual, namely his former mate, the mother of his children, can reap the benefits, while he barely has the right to visit his own progeny, the very beings that comprise of his DNA, not just the woman he mated with.
It is awful to give so much power and favoritism to a select group of people, while denying another group of people their dignity and respect, all because of ones immutable characteristics such as their gender or race. What this woman did to her children is reprehensible, and she needs to be looked as a monster. Gender should never play a factor in how to impose justice on people who have wronged others.
I apologize if I seem a bit off-topic, but I had to let this off my chest, and encourage people to realize that they are in charge, nobody else, and the current system we live in is becoming really unnecessary to tolerate, and we don’t have to tolerate it.
Hi Richard,
Welcome to the site. It’s good to have you here. I agree with your points. It’s unjust.
Kind Regards,
Dr Tara
Thanks for welcoming me, and I don’t mean to make this a political argument, and that isn’t my intention, but the point I was trying to make, is that we as a free and open society need to regulate laws within our own right as responsible and intelligent human beings, and not rely on a monopoly which uses fear and coercion to restrict us and keep us in line like slaves. The only thing I want is my freedom, and freedom for everyone else, and to not have to live in fear of Big Bad Brother. We live with the delusion that we are born into bondage, and that we have to do what our Big Brother (the State) tells us, or faced being put into a cage (prison), or face the barrels of Big Brothers smoking gun (military and law enforcement).
Feminism is a direct function of the State, the very thing we rely to protect and provide us, even though we need to protect and provide for ourselves, because we are independent, capable, and functioning human beings, not mindless animals. I just wanted to the true origin of feminism, and why it is such a powerful ideology.
Why must men lose custody of their children in a manner that is illegal and immoral, and why aren’t most women who commit atrocity, not held to accountability? I just wanted to make my point, but I guess this isn’t the right to do it. As long as we are stuck with this slave mentality, we will never be free, and relying on a ruler (the State) and a 200-year old scroll (the Constitution) is only going to further our transition into a Police State, and protests and letters to Congress won’t solve anything. If you want to delete my comment, then you are at liberty, but feminism is a multi-layered form of evil and injustice, and the only way to get rid of it is to not compromise with the very system that treats us like slaves or animals.
And I am sorry to say this, but the government is directly responsible for the millions of abortions, the breakup of the family, marginalization of men, and the endless and unnecessary wars that has costed countless lives. Human nature granted us our freedom and the necessity to do what is right. To work together, because that is what humanity is all about, not barbarism and tyranny. You don’t trust human nature, therefore I have no reason to trust you, and vice versa.
Peace, and goodspeed to you Dr. Tara. I don’t want to be a member of this site, I just wanted to get the truth across, and encourage people to stop embracing the delusion that their enemy is their friend, and by that I mean the very thing that has made men miserable for the past 50-some-odd years. Government.
Right. On. Without making this a political debate, one does have to wonder about laws that systematically discriminate against men based on gender. Equal protection under the law apparently doesn’t apply if you have a Y chromosome.
Exactly. Only men are expected to abide by the laws, because when it all boils down to it, the male gender consists of nothing but rapists and murderers, who possess the primitive mentality of the common ape. And what makes politicians and judges so special that they are allowed to pass laws? They are men themselves, and “human nature can’t be trusted”, but that doesn’t matter, because they were ordained by God to pass unjust laws that favor one group and marginalize the other, when the privilidged group (females) is allowed to abuse and murder with impunity, because they are “weak” and “defenseless”.
Tragic circumstances. In this case and others like it I challenge anyone to tell me why she should not get the death penalty.
Where to start…
Blaming the Police. Of all the agencies involved in this the Cops are the least likely to have messed up their end of it. Too much mandatory reporting and past history of the job not getting done right for Police to not do everything and then some to protect the kids and rest of the family.
Police perform “well being” checks of this nature everyday. “My ex won’t let the kids talk on the phone. Just let me know they are OK.” This call is almost ALWAYS the father calling because the high conflict wife will not let the kids talk to Dad. Police can’t make one party call the other. If things appear “normal”, short of a court order or extenuating circumstances, the children have to stay where they are at.
I have pulled kids out of the home before for both reasons. Without fail the court sends them back. Mom extinguishing her cigarette on the six year old boys arm is apparently insufficient reason to take her kids from her forever. (I did have the brief satisfaction of pitching her sorry ass across the room and handcuffing her. Got to arrest her years later on unrelated charges where she did go to jail.)
Family Services. Not enough time or space to even scratch that one. There are some very good people that work in this field. They are in the minority. The rules of engagement for DCFS (Dept. of Children and Family Services / State of IL.)in a word SUCK. If you raised a child by DCFS rules the child would be screwed up and dysfunctional.
Court system. Remember folks that all judges are attorneys. The attorneys cover for each other and at the local level it is a very small circle. Judges often operate under written and unwritten rules to resolve the divorce / custody case. Hard to sue a judge and I agree that it needs to happen. I have heard some really boneheaded decisions at all levels of the court system, including “extra special modified extraordinary probation”…that is an exact quote.
Add high conflict attorneys working for high conflict clients (it is all about billable hours)and the mess gets much worse.
Kelli Murphy will do badly in prison and one hopes go to the appropriate section of Hell reserved for such vile creatures.
Casey Anthony deserves to die by taping her mouth and nose shut, then adding a little ‘heart sticker’ over it…and sit her down surrounded by photos of her little girl, so that no matter where she looks, that’s all she can see.
It’s amazing to me that these women really, truly believe that they are wonderful, loving mothers, then have the gall to take the life of those they claim to need to protect.
Men who are considering leaving these women:
1. Get counseling – she keeps telling you that there’s something ‘wrong with you’ for asserting your rights or disagreeing with her in any manner…so use that as your excuse to see a counselor. They are legally obligated to keep everything said in counseling between you. They can only reveal what you’ve said to authorities IF you say you are planning to hurt / kill someone else or yourself.
2. Do what you can to secretly videotape her behavior with the children when there are no witnesses (like during the day when you are at work). Mother Figure did all sorts of heinous shi* when there was nobody else around…and to this day, siblings don’t understand why I avoid her.
3. Document, document, document ANY AND ALL strange / unusual / disturbing behavior or words of the children, especially before or immediately after having spent time with their mother / abuser.
Children may take years to truly understand or feel safe enough to reveal what they went through when younger. My teen daughter just revealed to me today that when she was younger, she thought Grandma was mean, because Grandma used always yell at Grandpa.
“…And a little child shall lead them.” Sometimes, children have much greater mental clarity about the situation than we give them credit for.
4. Believe your children. Believe them if they say something weird happened. Try to stay calm, but tell them “I believe you.” Children will also need counseling.
From the Alberta, Canada booklet in Men Abused by Women in Intimate relationships:
An abusive environment harms children
now and in their future.4
Sometimes people abused by their partners think their children do not know about the abuse
or that the abuse does not harm the children. But children are harmed, even if they are not
directly abused.
Being exposed to anger and violence affects children’s brain development.
· Brain scans show that children in abusive environments use much of their brain to watch
out for danger. Less of their brain is available for healthy growth and development
· This affects their physical, emotional and mental development
· It affects their ability to form healthy relationships
· It affects them even when the children are not consciously aware of the abuse
in their home
When a child is in a threatening environment over time, such as in a home where the
adults are abusive, systems in the child’s brain undergo changes. These changes result in
emotional, behavioural, intellectual and physical symptoms. Children can show all the same
signs of trauma as if they were abused themselves.
5
All children in a threatening environment are affected by fear. They might:
· Feel anxious or panicky
· Have an increased heart rate — babies in violent or angry homes have faster heart rates
even in their sleep
· Be very watchful and attentive all the time, as though they are on “red alert”
Because their brains are distracted by fear, they may:
· Find it hard to concentrate or pay attention
· Have difficulty sleeping
· Have difficulty learning
Children in a threatening environment use different ways to cope.
Some children react by becoming more aggressive. They might:
· Be defiant
· Act impulsive
· Have angry outbursts
· Act bossy or pushy
· Bully or hurt others
Sometimes these loud children do not appear to be affected. They look like they feel confident
and in charge. But their aggressive behaviours grow out of fear expressed outwardly as anger.
Some children react by becoming quiet and withdrawn.
These children might:
· Try to stay safe by becoming “invisible”
· Go into their own fantasy world and tune out the world around them
· Be more obedient or passive than other children
· Be numb and disconnected from their own feelings
· Be detached from other people
· Have a hard time getting along with others
· Be depressed
Sometimes these quiet children do not look like they are affected by what is going on around
them. They do not appear to react. However, this “unaffected” appearance is
a danger sign. In the face of fear and feeling helpless, they have disconnected from
their environment.
You may think that the abuse between adults in the home does not affect children, or that you
can shield them from what is going on. That is not true. As long as children live in an abusive
environment, the trauma will continue to affect their brains. They will not be able to heal.
LIGHTBULB MOMENT: It affects them even when the children are not consciously aware of the abuse in their home.
It affects them even when the children are not consciously aware of the abuse in their home.
even when the children are not consciously aware
My ex filed 5 Petitions for a Restraining Order and all were denied by the Courts, as well as the social service and police reports found the allegations to have no merit. It’s a game, and by filing these claims she won custody by means of best interest of the children. I do fear for my children. I believe that when a spouse makes false claims which are consistently tossed by the Court the accused spouse should have the option to exercise the “alleged assault” on the initiating spouse. I believe that would stop some of this nonsense.
This:
“I believe that when a spouse makes false claims which are consistently tossed by the Court the accused spouse should have the option to exercise the “alleged assault” on the initiating spouse. I believe that would stop some of this nonsense.”
makes sense to me.