Hi Everyone,
Here’s the embed of last night’s program if you weren’t able to catch it live:
It’s almost 2 and a half hours long. We had a lot of callers. Many topics are discussed including parental alienation, abusive women, abused men, warning signs of crazy, abusive women, personality disorders, bullying in the workplace, professional victims and coping strategies.
Over the next several weeks, I’ll be working on getting my own show together. If any of you have experience running a blog radio program and have suggestions or want to help, please get in touch with me via email.
My apologies for my sound quality the first 50 minutes of the show. I’m a little choppy at times, courtesy of the incredibly low quality Time Warner “high” speed internet service. I switched to a landline in the second hour to resolve the problem.
Thanks again to everyone for their support. I am grateful for it.
Dr T
Thanks for posting the embed. I didn’t get the chance to listen to it live, but I look forward to hearing the broadcast.
Dr. T,
I listened to the entire broadcast last night. Thank you, for everything. I happily look forward to listening to your show.
Very informative show. A comment regarding your workplace harassment by crazy women stance (to keep detailed logs).
I swear, if I had to do that, I would have an encyclopaedia-sized log by now.
I chose at a young age in my working life to take a different approach: to follow certain solid principles, therefore if and when I was made to defend myself, I had truth on my side and never had to double-speak or be at risk of tripping up.
My track record so far is roughly 35 and 0, meaning I have never, ever lost a single one of these arguments/disciplinary meetings. Instead, I have turned the focus back on the accuser, or have worn down management to where they apply superficial and manageable discipline. You can never beat the system.
btw, apart from your excellent commentary, I did notice your audio breaking out throughout the show. Hopefully this will get fixed.
Hi Dr T
I really enjoyed the show. It really struck a chord.
Having just taken the red pill I’m discovering another world out there which I never knew existed, and to be completely honest, never wanted to. I’d go 1000 miles to avoid confrontation but the last 12 months have been something I never, ever want to repeat with the ending of a long term marriage to an abusive person, with children involved. I just kept nodding my head at the things you said, to me it is the cruel hand I have been dealt and need to deal with.
Please keep up the excellent work. You have a fan here.
I’m without audio for a few days, so I haven’t listened to this yet. My STBX has many signs of borderline and histrionic disorder (though is no where near as extreme as many have related here.) In sessions alone, our marriage counselor has refused to go that far. However, at my last counseling session my therapist observed that my wife has almost no self-esteem and that is sufficient to explain her behavior and that without changing there, there can be no change regardless of anything else. To me she was clearly suggesting that a diagnosis of cluster ‘B’ personality wouldn’t matter since a) you can’t get around the low self-esteem and b) low self-esteem explains most of my wife’s behaviors.
So, what is the relationship between self-esteem and cluster ‘B’ personality?
“Over the next several weeks, I’ll be working on getting my own show together. If any of you have experience running a blog radio program and have suggestions or want to help, please get in touch with me via email.”
Email sent. No reply.
listened to the whole show. thank you for your good work. the show did not give many suggestions on how to crazy proof your romantic life and concentrated on the need for prevention. we will know how to teach “prevention” when we know how to extricate ourselves from abusive relationships in healthy ways.
we are starting to clear out the rabble as a movement and as a group, and many frustrated hurt souls doing their best contributed to the show. there is a kind of “hopelessness” in our community, and i think i know why. it’s because “evil knows no bounds, destruction is always willing to destroy more.”
a request for upcoming shows and posts: we need absolutely clear phrases, facts, tools, and definitions we can use to silence spinning arguments, especially when we are being demonized through lies and manipulation in front of friends, family, social services workers, and the court.
for me “phrases, facts, tools, and definitions” could mean the difference between raising a healthy young daughter or losing her to her door-slamming, biting, tickling till it hurts then tickling some more, raging, hair pulling, screaming, give me money, “can i borrow your…” mother.
and wow, is my wife graceful “in public.” incredibly convincing while she’s mixing facts, changing the sequence of events, claiming to have said things i actually said, remaining calm while in public and saying the most impossibly outrageous things about me, but then raging incessantly while in private…add to that…somehow being able to say things so nasty that physical symptoms go BAM (like an explosive nose bleed), and then when i press “record” on a recording device, she’s just “oh so cool.”
So, here’s my most important article/information request as a follow up to your groundbreaking and helpful show:
“How do you expose a narcissist (or predatory/manipulative personality) in front of family, friends, social workers, and the court system?”
So, I guess the article would be
“How to expose a narcissist”
or
“How to expose hidden abuse, when you are the victim of a skilled abuser”
…something along those lines.
Best, blessings and thank you for your excellent work. We’ve broken ground, now let’s build a solid foundation.
I second that, anon.father. Of course it’s extremely important for people to learn how to recognize and avoid the crazy in the first place. Ounce of prevention and all that. However, I agree strongly with you that exposing the abusive behavior is also extremely important, as well as having the tools to cope with skillful manipulators and liars who have no compunction or conscience, and to whom deceit is second nature – as easy and autonomic as breathing. Normal people just don’t have a frame of reference for that, and the usual tools we use to deal or relate – facts, logic, reason, appeals to morality – just don’t work.
“tools to cope with skillful manipulators and liars who have no compunction or conscience, and to whom deceit is second nature – as easy and autonomic as breathing. Normal people just don’t have a frame of reference for that, and the usual tools we use to deal or relate – facts, logic, reason, appeals to morality – just don’t work.”
WOW
OMG
Thank you. Just reading that makes things more clear for me.
Hmm..who have no compunction or conscience is a projection. They might, “we” don’t know. The thing is “they” are treating YOU abusively. They treat others with utmost respect and care. Those others can’t even fathom how badly you are being treated. It doesn’t even compute.
So, “Tools to cope with skillful manipulators and liars who seem to have no compunction or conscience, and for whom deceit seems like second nature – as easy and autonomic as breathing. Normal people often lack a frame of reference for that, and the usual tools we use to deal or relate – facts, logic, reason, appeals to morality – just don’t work.”
My experience is that exposure does work. I don’t know why, and it might not work in all cases, but it seems to work in mine.
So that is now my objective. To honestly, truthfully, and kindly expose. Sure, it might lead to wrath, fury, blow-ups, etc., however, ahh…here is another tool:
If…then…else.
If you go into a rage, I will call social services. If you hit me, I will call the police. I will video and audio record the entire incident. If you don’t like those consequences, please choose to talk with me when you can accept them.
Questions:
Really?
Is that really true?
Did YOU really say that?
Hmmn…can you really know that?
Statements:
If it made sense for you to talk on my behalf without giving me a chance to speak for myself, you’d be right!
If it made sense for you to talk on my behalf without giving me a chance to speak for myself, you’d be right! Maybe (other person or people in the room) would be interested in looking at (situation) from another perspective?
If feelings and facts were interchangeable, you’d be perfectly right!
If feelings and facts were interchangeable (and I actually did/feel/think what you say I did), you’d be perfectly right!
If you were right about how I feel, that would make sense.
If you were right about the sequence of events and who said what on what day, then of course that would make sense.
——
OK, that’s all for now, but there have to be more. Likely buried in logical sequences of thought where you “remove of modify” one piece of the logical construct to cause the whole “house of cards” to fall down…and finally…become truthful. Possibly only to the “sane” people around…but that is a really good start (and could very well help in custody cases).
Thank you for this wonderful discussion!
Had to listen in pieces, but it was another great show. Keep up the great work, Dr. T!
…another lightbulb moment about isolation. They isolate you to keep you from getting support from others…so that you don’t gain healthy perspective…and stay under their control.
So they do, in some way, KNOW that what they are doing to you is wrong. If they didn’t, they would have no reason to keep you from learning the truth.
So they know, on some level, that they are doing wrong to you…and they keep doing it anyway.
Yea, I’m thinking that more and more too. Maybe they aren’t aware of it like we are in an objective way, but they are aware to some degree. They have to be. They covertly abuse you and resent anyone who would question their ‘authority’, because that is a threat to their control and torment. They don’t act like bullies in front of people they *know* won’t put up with their crap. They are performers and actors skilled in manipulating their victims. They create false selves because they know if they show you 100% who they really are right off the bat you would think they were nuts…because they are nuts. Wow, what it must be like to know on some level you are nuts. It boggles the mind. I think maybe it’s mild delusion with some self awareness coupled with a lack of empathy and denial…they prefer to believe their own bullsh*t.
yes, and that causes “us” to appeal to “their” higher selves, does it not?
“Why do you treat my mom like you used to treat me before we got married?”
“Why don’t you treat me with kindness the way you treat Dr. S?”
“You were really respectful and kind to PersonX, why aren’t you treating me the same way?”
My wife has a kind of low-tone abuse turrets syndrome, which might even be tolerable if it didn’t also manifest itself in seas of broken promises, chaos, bullying, abuse, etc.
I honestly sometimes think she isn’t listening to herself when it comes out. Her voice changes. It gets lower, and she’ll say “the kitchen is just a fucking disaster.” And, well, it very well may not be…at all. Or, the kitchen will have moldy stuff in the sink and it’s all her stuff and she leaves it there for days on end…and if I say anything at all…well…there’s hell to pay.
Where I’m going with this is: I think “they,” internally, have it “wired” that they are “supposed” to treat “us” the way they do. I am in my wife’s “inner circle.” There are about 3-4 people on this earth who have seen “this side” of my wife.
The thing is “this side” of my wife, in my opinion, IS, point blank “the destroyer.” And I mean “the great destroyer.” I mean the destroyer that destroys and is only satisfied when both the victim and the “destroyer” are destroyed. No self preservation. Ever. Destruction. Of self and other.
Dr. T I am so excited you are putting together your own show! I don’t have any experience running a blog radio show, but if there is anything I can do to help let me know! 🙂