The Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 2

The Narcissistic Woman’s Manifesto, Part 2 continues dissecting relationship coach, fitness influencer and bikini selfie-ist Gia Macool’s tweet about what women really want from men in relationships. While Macool markets herself as a relationship coach, it’s unclear whether she has ever undertaken legitimate studies in psychology, counseling and/or coaching. Or, if she believes  that marrying the second man she ever dated (from her website) and having opinions are all the qualifications necessary to market oneself as a relationship expert.

The Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 1 critiques the first six points of Gia Macool’s tweet (04/21/2024; 12:25pm), or what I now refer to as the Macool rules. Basically, Macool’s advice is a poorly written stream of consciousness that perpetuates negative stereotypes about men, women and relationships. In her tweet, she discourages emotional honesty, clear communication, personal integrity, mutual support and mutual respect in relationships between men and women. In other words, Macool advises the opposite of what any half-way decent therapist with any credibility would counsel.

In fact, Gia Macool’s eighteen rules are indicative of an individual who is incapable of healthy intimate relationships built upon respect, honesty, empathy and trust. Many of my clients seek my help because they are or were involved with individuals who think, feel and act in the ways Macool describes as normal relationship attitudes and behaviors. Except, the traits Macool believes typify women and men are abnormal. As in, abnormal psychopathology.

Here’s a summary of my criticisms of the first six Macool Rules discussed in Part 1:

1. Macool claims women prefer “assholes” to “nice guys.” This promotes an inaccurate, destructive trope that women like abusive behavior. It discounts the reality that most people seek kindness, respect, and compatibility in relationships. Some women are more attracted to jerks. Some men are attracted to unstable, cruel women. But this isn’t healthy. Many of my clients seek help for these very reasons. They don’t want to be attracted to jerks and crazies anymore.

2. Macool believes women prefer men who are a challenge. She implies love should be earned through tests or hurdles, rather than nurtured through mutual understanding and respect. This is how personality disordered people view relationships.

3. Macool states women tell their girlfriends, “I hate him,” while harboring sexual intent. Here she normalizes the weaponization of sex for control, revenge and ego gratification.

4. Macool claims the more emotional a woman is the more she cares. Here she normalizes  emotional dysregulation and emotional abuse, which are not measures of love in healthy relationships. Love should be characterized by respect, understanding, and support, not by manipulative and destructive behaviors.

5. Macool portrays men who express their pain and struggles as unattractive to women. Here she disregards the importance of open communication and emotional honesty in relationships. Women who feel this way lack empathy for their partners and, as such, make poor partners themselves.

6. It’s hypocritical for Macool, a woman, to tell men not to criticize women on social media while criticizing men. This a double standard. If it’s acceptable for one gender to publicly critique the other, then it’s equally acceptable for the reverse to occur without selective judgment based on gender. Consistency in principles is crucial to fostering credibility in communication.

You can read Part 1 here or watch it here.

The Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 2 a.ka. the Macool Rules:

“She wants a man who wins, Period. She doesn’t want to hear about your struggles.”

To quote one of my Facebook followers, “She seems nice.” This Macool Rule is symptomatic of her dysfunctional beliefs on men, women and relationships. First, it is a gross generalization. Some women, let’s call them gold diggers, are only interested in successful men whose wealth and status they want to exploit. Gentlemen, I suggest you avoid these women at all costs. Unless, of course, you’re good with huge alimony and child support payments and false abuse allegations.

Second, it shows a profound lack of empathy, compassion and understanding. Although, that seems to be on brand for Gia Macool. Healthy relationships involve supporting each other through challenges, not contemptuously disdaining them. Third, Macool encourages superficiality as if it’s something to aspire to. It’s not. Caring only about a man’s successes leads to relationships that lack depth and emotional connection. And what about “in sickness and in health?” Or is that another one-way street for Macool?

Fourth,what Macool advises can lead to breakdowns in communication and intimacy. Open and honest communication is essential to building trust and intimacy. Fifth, Macool promotes some really unrealistic relationship expectations. Expecting one’s partner to only succeed without acknowledging adversity sets unrealistic standards for both partners. Accepting and learning from failures is a crucial part of personal and relational growth and development.

“A man who puts her mind at rest so she doesn’t need to worry about things, is a huge turn on.”

Basically, Macool’s saying that women get turned on by being treated like children (i.e., infantilized). Yes, some women and some men do. These individuals typically have personality disorders. Many of my clients deal with this issue — female partners who want to be treated like spoiled children who are shielded from adult worries. Yet, they also want to enjoy the perks and privileges of adult agency. For example:

Bea Peedey: My credit card was declined today!! WTF, Cody?!

Cody Pendent: You maxed out the Visa the last 6 months. We can’t sustain your spending if you don’t return to work. I called Visa and lowered your card’s limit.

Bea Peedey: STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME!!! This is financial abuse!! You can’t make me go back to work if I don’t want to! It’s your job to take care of me and the kids!!! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll call Visa right now and raise my limit! Your money problems aren’t my problems! I don’t want to hear about it!

And scene.

Good parents don’t burden their children with adult concerns like mortgages, work and marital problems. Conversely, responsible parents don’t give their 8-year olds credit cards, a car and encourage a life without purpose and no work ethic. Expecting one partner to alleviate the other partner’s worries is another unrealistic relationship expectation. Healthy relationships involve mutual support and shared responsibilities, rather than one-sided expectations.

Furthermore, would you like to know what’s a real turn-off for many of the men I work with? Even when their wife or girlfriend’s still objectively attractive? These men are no longer interested in having sex with their partner who has the emotional maturity and selfishness of a 5-year old and regularly pitches adult temper tantrums. Living on a one-way street paved with double standards has a pretty big “ick factor,” too.

“Women will always have a plan B. It’s in our DNA.”

Macool is portraying women as calculating, insincere and inherently untrustworthy. Specifically, that women are genetically predisposed to be continuously looking for their next source of narcissistic supply and other resources. (Looks like somebody’s watched one too many YouTube videos on hypergamy).

Are some women this calculating, insincere and untrustworthy? Absolutely. Is it biological? No. Are some men controlling, chauvinistic and violent? Absolutely. Is it biological? No.

Women who think and behave this way aren’t acting out some kind of biological imperative. This is characterological, not biological. Characterological pathology, to be exact.  Spare me the evo psych psychobabble. This claptrap has about as much validity as “toxic masculinity.” Macool’s claims are inaccurate for women who possess integrity. It is an accurate description of women with narcissistic, borderline, histrionic and other antisocial traits.

“If the relationship has been troubled for too long, she will begin to “slow release” from him before she ever, actually, walks away.”

Macool is saying that women monkey branch from relationship to relationship. In other words, women are, generally speaking, manipulative cheaters. Grooming one’s next relationship target while still in the current relationship involves emotional cheating (at the very least) and frequently physical cheating.

Gradually distancing oneself with neither explanation nor communication is emotionally manipulative. It creates uncertainty, hurt and anxiety for the partner who is being deceived. It is also inherently selfish and dishonest. Macool’s statement implies a one-sided decision-making process whereby one partner disengages without informing the other leaving no opportunity for constructive dialogue or problem-solving. It also robs the other partner of the opportunity to end the relationship, so that he isn’t used for resources until his monkey branching wife latches onto her next target.

There are women and men who monkey branch from one relationship to the next. It’s shitty, but it happens. In addition to the issues already mentioned, monkey branching deprives one of a healthy grieving process. In other words, the ability to understand, learn from one’s mistakes (i.e., accountability) and make better relationship choices in the future. Now let’s see, what kind of people lack the psychological capacity to grieve and learn from their mistakes? The usual suspects — narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and antisocials.

“This is why men think women move on quickly. However, she just implement [sic] her plan B, long before she told you goodbye.”

Women and men who monkey branch or “slow release” do seem to move on quickly to their exes. Macool is right. In these instances, the monkey brancher has already moved on long before ending the relationship. Clients who experience this are often blindsided by how fast a BPD, NPD or HPD ex “moves on” to soulmate #39 once the relationship ends. This is especially true for codependent clients who convince themselves that thy BPD/NPD partner can’t survive without them.

I gently explain to my clients that, in all likelihood, their heads will spin by how fast the disordered ex will move onto their next narcissistic supply source, wallet, etc. Yes, the parasite needs the host. However, there’s no shortage of other intestines to climb up on into. Remember, these personality types are incapable of navigating grief. They typically stay permanently stuck in the anger stage. If you’re very lucky (i.e., no shared children) they’ll discard you and never look back.

Because many codependents confuse being needed with being loved, this can be especially devastating. Over the years, I’ve had more than one client lament, “Who will take care of her as well as I did? Who else will put up with as much abuse as I did and still love her?” Fellas, being an exploited doormat is not a contest you want to win! Good riddance to the slow releasing monkey branchers. Well, good riddance after you work through denial, bargaining, sadness and anger to acceptance.

“If she is attentive to your needs, such as wants to… Cook for you. Clean for you. Do your laundry. Give you endless sex. …she is in love with you.”

The woman Maccol describes is not in love with you. She is love bombing you. If these behaviors are over the top to the point of being overwhelming at the relationship’s start, it’s love bombing. Emotionally and psychologically healthy women don’t go from, “Hi, nice to meet you…” to round the clock attention lavisher, chef, maid, laundress and concubine services. For that matter, ladies, emotionally and psychologically healthy men, don’t go from, “Hi, nice to meet you…” to round the clock repair man, travel broker, personal ATM, cat litter cleaner and personal problem fixer services.

If this is the case, you’re either dealing with someone who is personality disordered or someone who is codependent. Typically, codependents lack the ability to recognize romantic interest in healthier women and men. Like I tell my clients, if a woman says yes to a second date, she’s probably interested. If she’s ready to move in with you on the second date, she’s probably nuts.

In other words, the subtler romantic interest cues of non-disordered individuals don’t register. They can, however, recognize the extreme interest signals of a NPD, BPD or HPD who’s locked on a new target. Many codependents misinterpret love bombing as proof that the other party really likes them. In reality, it’s an indication you’re likely dealing with a person who has serious issues.

Concluding the Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 2.

To summarize, Macool’s advice to men regarding women and relationships is highly problematic. Gia Macool paints a picture of women as emotionally stunted, transactional, shallow, averse to accountability, deceitful, untrustworthy, manipulative, lacking in independence, empathy and incapable of fostering relationships grounded in mutual respect, care, and genuine communication. If Macool’s assertions were accurate, then my client’s decision to step back from dating after encountering her tweet would be justified. However, Macool’s perspectives do not represent emotionally well-adjusted women, but rather those with personality disorders.

Moreover, many of Macool’s guidelines are inconsistent and fraught with double standards. She insists that women desire strong, self-sufficient, successful men, yet also implies that women expect men to go to great lengths to win their affection. Macool suggests that a woman’s level of emotion correlates with her level of care, while simultaneously deriding men who openly express their feelings.

For anyone who’s been in a relationship with a personality disordered woman, this narrative may seem all too familiar. These individuals demand complete emotional transparency, only to react with anger or play the victim if your emotions don’t align with their expectations. Once you figure out their games and stop sharing your feelings, they accuse you of hiding things from them and/or being an emotionless robot. Basically, you can’t win. Adhering to Macool’s rules may result in the same dysfunctional relationship patterns and unhealthy choices in partners that brought you to Shrink4Men in the first place.

Please check for The Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 3 in which I’ll dissect the final six Macool Rules and other observations.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. For over a decade, she has specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from the trauma. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to work with Dr. Palmatier, please visit the Schedule a Session page or you can email her directly at [email protected].

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