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Helping men in abusive relationships since 2009

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March 3, 2021

Couples Therapy with Narcissists and Borderlines, Part 1 [VIDEO]

Couples therapy with narcissists and borderlines can be tricky. It can also worsen problems if the couples therapist doesn’t understand the underlying issues. Namely, an undiagnosed personality disorder(s), codependency and/or trauma bonding. Ideally, couples therapy can be a fruitful endeavor when two adults equally commit to improve themselves, their relationship and grow together.

Couples therapy with a partner you suspect has a narcissistic or borderline personality disorder is fraught with potential hazards. Therefore, it’s important to choose a therapist who understands abuse. Specifically, that men comprise approximately 50% of domestic partner abuse victims. It’s also important a therapist have an understanding of character disorders and how they operate. Otherwise, couples therapy becomes another a theater of blame in which problems are enabled, prolonged or worsened, rather than resolved. And the therapist, wittingly or unwittingly, becomes a facilitator of abuse.

Couples therapy with narcissists or borderlines requires that you do your due diligence. Namely, understanding what you’re the psychological limitations of NPDs/BPDs and setting realistic goals. Bottom line, people with borderline and narcissistic personalities lack the psychological capacity necessary to engage in mutually beneficial couples therapy. Ideally, I recommend not attempting couples counseling until they’ve done some individual work first and have some awareness of their issues. Even then, it likely won’t help.

Hope this is helpful!

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. For over a decade, she has specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from the trauma. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to work with Dr. Palmatier, please visit the Schedule a Session page or you can email her directly at shrink4men@gmail.com.

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