No winning! The narcissist or borderline always wins because they control the rules in their relationships. And the rules are one-sided and self-serving. You will always lose if you play by their rules.
So what can you do?
Insist on being treated with the same respect they demand and create and enforce your boundaries. You hold yourself and themselves accountable. That’s how you win.
For what it’s worth, in all likelihood it will be impossible to hold a narcissist, borderline or other characterologically disturbed person accountable. Imagine nailing Jell-O to a wall. It will also probably end the relationship. Narcissists and borderlines typically run screaming into the night about what an abusive asshole you are when anyone holds them accountable for their selfishness, hypocrisy, cruelty and dishonesty.
Like I said, winning!
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to email@example.com.
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