Seeking love, rationality, kindness, compassion, fairness, integrity and maturity from people who don’t possess these qualities is an example of codependency and trauma bonding in action. Desperation and wishful thinking won’t change a thing. Rather, they keep you stuck in enabling your own abuse.
Pursuing people who reject you, “rescuing” people who go from self-created drama to self-created and trying to prove your worth to people who are characterologically disturbed is guaranteed to result in more pain and disappointment.
When has trying to understand and change a selfish, cruel, irrational person into giving, kind, reasonable person ever worked for you? Did it work with your mother or father? The kid who bullied you in high school? Any of your exes?
Alright then. Why not consider why you continue to fix broken people instead of understanding and healing yourself? If you do, you’ll be more likely to choose friends and lovers who are good to go right out of the box and don’t require “fixing.”
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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