A marriage that ends in divorce is supposed to play out somewhat like a movie. It starts with promise and a bit of mystery about what is to come, the characters develop, the plot deepens and takes some twists and turns. Finally the story reaches its climax. Then the credits roll, AND IT IS OVER.
This is not always the case. Sometimes, when a man is married to Crazy, she views the divorce as just the next, more enhanced level in the relationship. It is the phase where she gets keep being abusive, take his money and play the children like they were titanium ping pong balls. Business as usual only now she has the power of family courts to back whatever she wants.
Often in these scenarios she is not the only one who looked the other way while the ending credits were rolling off the screen. There are men who will, years after a marriage is over, still be at her disposal for everything from yard work to getting that next, latest version of a Coach purse that she just has to have.
These men don’t let it register that they are divorced, and still act like a servile husband, even after the divorce papers are starting to yellow with age.
They are, in effect, still married to her. Rather they are just married to whatever it is she wants at the moment. It’s like a bad marriage that does not end until someone dies.
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Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
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I am only 25 and am currently going through a divorce from a woman who fits almost every one of your examples to some degree or another. I am so relieved to have found this site! Thank you two so much for what you do and for providing this type of counseling for men. The information provided and the often comic relief in your videos are exactly what I needed to get through this. I wish i would have found this site years ago! Thank you guys so much, seriously, thank you.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
You’re welcome and good luck!