Earlier this week, I read an article in The Daily Mail that started out as a heart warming tale, but ended rather cruelly. The cruel ending did not surprise me, but left other readers angry and in despair, at least according to many of the comments left on the original post.
From Don’t Play with your Food: What Happened When a Leopard Befriended a Cute Baby Antelope:
This at first apparently playful encounter between leopard and newborn steenbok (part of the antelope family) was captured by a safari guide in the Sabi Sand Game reserve, in South Africa.
The big cat seemed to want to make friends with the calf for 45 minutes and the small creature was so unafraid of the predator it even tried to suckle milk from it.
The predator lures its prey close, using subterfuge. The cat appears friendly, playful and nurturing. The baby steenbok, most likely missing its mother, ventures ever nearer.
It’s not so very different with human emotional predators. They cajole, beguile and put on their Dr. Jekyll face in order to draw you in and gain your trust and affection. Why? All the better to feast upon you, of course.
More from the article:
But then nature took its course and the leopard decided playing with the Bambi lookalike was probably not as much fun as eating it.
In a flash, he killed the newborn, which had foolishly ventured out into the brush after being hidden in a nearby bush by its terrified mother, who was powerless to intervene.
Safari guide, Marius Croetzee, 30, from Durban, was travelling by Land Rover he and his clients witnessed nature at its most heart-wrenching from only six yards away.
Yes, this is a sad story, but it provides an important reminder. Predators engage in predation. Abusive personalities and individuals with sociopathic traits are predatory. Sure, they can appear warm, friendly, loving, charming and benign at times, but before very long, their brutal and crazy-making aspects will surface if you allow them to pull you into their sphere, e.g., via a Hoover.
If you are involved with the emotional equivalent of the leopard in this story or a rattlesnake, don’t be surprised if you end up with their proverbial fangs sunk into your jugular.
Don’t be the baby antelope.
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I would be willing to bet that the end of the steenbok was much quicker and less painful.
Sadly, you’re probably correct in most cases, Kenny. 🙁
Dr. T, thank you for a short and sweet article that powerfully drives the message home: Leopards will not and cannot change their spots. Period. Don’t even try.
I’ve now had a full year of No Contact with my psychopathic ex-girl-fiend, and life has resumed its normal course. Thanks in large part to the knowledge and wisdom here on your site. Thank you very much. – Julian.
P.S. Important correction: that would be the Dr. Jekyll face (Mr. Hyde was the nasty one).
Thanks for catching that, Free at Last. Congratulations on a full year of No Contact. I know how difficult that can be, so big pat on the back!
Yet another nice article. Truthful, helpful, real. I struggle w/ the leopards, rattlesnakes, et al. I can sense them out and yet like the proverbial moth to the flame I’ll befriend them and become entangled in their sociopathic web.
I was dating a doctor last year – a neuropsychiatrist/neurologist. You’d think ‘doctor’, gosh she must be smart, top notch, quality person right? Instead, she incessantly complained about all her patients, made disparaging comments about them, constantly dumped on me about her patients, her bad secretary, her assistants, etc. This person played many head games with me too, and I knew it, and yet I wanted to deny it. I caught her in a couple of lies – e.g. she told me her mom was coming to visit her over Memorial Day weekend; later she told me it was a high school guy friend coming to stay at her place the entire weekend but nothing going on between them. Then why lie about it? She also made herself to be a victim of everyone taking advantage of her, and on and on and on…it was so stressful even talking to her on the phone. There were many other things, head games, emotional blackmailing and the like I don’t have the time/space to write all of it here.
Anyway, my point is even people who ‘appear’ quality people, profession, appearances, smiles and niceties, aren’t always such nice people. Be careful who you let into your life.
What percentage of women are emotional predators?
How can we detect them early?
One way is to watch out for “mean girls” and “queen bees.” There are a lot of girls who sharpen their claws on each other in school, then go on to continue being like this in adulthood. If they’re always at war with other women, make fun of them, make snotty comments to them, step on others to get ahead at work or in the local neighborhood/PTA, are always talking about other women who can’t take their “strong personality,” and the like–they’re most likely to turn the claws on their boyfriends/husbands eventually.
Makes you wonder what behavior is learned and what is innate. When my son was a toddler, we went to a Rainforest Cafe. They had a mechanical crocodile and it terrified him. My wife wondered where that came from since he’d never seen anything like a live crocodile in his life. I told her it was something innate, a survival skill.
He didn’t know what it was but he knew enough to be afraid of it. I hope he’s that smart with the two legged predators.
This blog came at just the right time. I was starting to think, “Maybe they’ll change as social services and the probation officer works with them, maybe they’re not such bad people,” about the ex-friends. But if they do change, they’ll be the ones coming to me in repentance, not the other way around. Somehow I have to stop thinking things can be different one day, because that longing for a change is what makes you vulnerable. I have to stop grieving and start feeling glad that the ex-friend is out of my life.
I also think over my past relationships/friendships and realize just how easily led I am by predators. Time and again, I’ve fallen prey to them, thinking they were wonderful, awesome people, only to be abused in various ways. The ex-friend was very influential on me, what I thought, what I believed, whether politically, in religion, or in other things. I’ve been befriending somebody from my church who is also very religious, but so far I’ve seen no signs of this person being like the ex-friend, claiming and performing piety but behaving very differently in his life. I hope he’s not like the ex-friend, because I need someone to talk about my religion with, the theology, practices, etc. I’ve been trying to keep my wits about me.
I know the ex-friend was even a preacher for a while when he was young, that he faked speaking in tongues, fooling the congregation. I know from his own admission and stories that he was a predator on women in his youth, behaving horribly towards his girlfriends and love interests. I know he was very violent in his youth, even (he claims) helping the Mafia with jewel smuggling. But I foolishly believed him when he said he had changed. While I’ve kept the religion he led me into, I’m fighting to break out as my own person and reject his tendency to focus too much on form (such as pews, organs, headscarves and ecumenism, which are controversial in our faith). I’ve completely rejected his political beliefs as heartless, insane and reality-denying. Without him on my Facebook sending me messages complaining about something I just posted, or calling my friends idiots for having a different political opinion, I feel the freedom to post my own political beliefs without worrying about his.
But still, the nagging thoughts keep coming back: Maybe his BPD/NPD wife isn’t so bad, and is actually a decent person whom I’ve misjudged. Maybe he isn’t a narcissist, and one day his religion (and his claims that our friendship was important to him) will lead him to apologize to my husband and me. Or…maybe this is still his influence, and hers, working on my head. Like when he tried to tell me, “She’s not a monster,” even though she had been vicious and cruel to me. I have proof that he’s not what he claimed, proof in the fact that he has been convicted in a court of law as a child abuser. Again and again, I have to force myself to remember that and not go off into some fantasy fairy land belief that they can change.
Again and again, people who know how to be influential in their words, convince me to believe what they’re telling me…then, once I’m out of their influence, I shake my head and wonder what the heck I was thinking. Or someone I trust will weave this web on me, make me believe whole-heartedly in something that not only is false, but is quite ridiculous. I start wondering how on earth I can be so gullible again and again and again. I do try to be open-minded in general, which I think the predators exploit. I don’t want to close my mind, but somehow I have to be more careful.
I also seem to have a shared connection with crazy women. I am drawn to them, they to me. WHich means I too have some real problems. I’m not as crazy as them though. Seriously. LOL. Well I am now. So I know now that when i get the feeling of “love at first sight”, or “i have to get to know this girl” or “i feel like we already know each other” or “i know there is something going to happen between us” or whatever else like that, that she is going to be one of “them”. I don’t think I want to try to avoid that though. I’ve struggled so hard with so many things because of the last one. She is very F*ing psycho, dangerous, etc… The ones before were just normal crazy women. My first, when we broke up, led me to my first depression and suicidal desires. She turned out to be bipolar. The second was the love of my life. She was subtle though. And she loved me very much, and we had a great relationship. But I’m a traveller and she wasn’t, so we never should have been together. While I was completely open and honest with her from the moment we met to the very end, turns out that she kept a couple secrets and lies for our entire 6 years relationship. I almost didn’t live through it. That is still the greatest pain and betrayal of my life. So enter number 3, the blatantly destructive. Serial victim, borderline. She made me feel alive. Right. Ok so she didn’t exactly “make me” but DAMN! wow! And it was hell. And I’m still struggling through hell because of her and we have not spoken in a year and a half. She attacked me several times, the last was a fight that I couldn’t get out of and I eventually hit her back out of desperation. What I went through with our legal system, lawyers, police, trial, jail, counselors, fear, being stalked, having my reputation ruined and black-listed in my career field, articles being published about me, lies, lies, lies and more lies, on all their parts etc… Warfare. My father was a career military man, was in Vietnam, and other fights. I’ve seen now from first hand experience just how horrible the truth of this world is. I always knew about it academically, but never experienced it, he sheltered us from it. I was always the caring guy who made friends with everyone and knew that the world could be a better place. I always stepped in to stop other peoples fights. But I wound up in a relationship with an abusive woman, and I kept going back because of a mix of my own low self-esteem, needing to feel loved, and my own empathy toward her, seeing the pain that she was in and actually falling in love with her and wanting to help. Now that I’ve essentially been tortured, raped, abused etc… and no matter what I did it didn’t matter, I couldn’t defend myself, I was told I’m not allowed to defend myself, and I’m not allowed to be angry, and there is nothing that can be done about her… something in me has changed. It is difficult to describe. But pain and happiness are both the truth of this world and I’ve had a lot of both. And I need both. And I can not see myself with a “normal” girl ever again. Humans are predators and cattle. Better to go into it open eyed. I think this is how people who are into sado-masichism come from, because I think that is what I want now. I never liked horror movies before, I do now. Better to find someone who is also damaged and predatory and learn to deal with damage and be predatory so that each involved is agreed to it, and aware of it. So what are more techniques for living with a psycho B*tch? And are they not the same tactics to deal with all the worlds evils?
What’s amazing is how they react when you call them on being predators. The ex-friends starting reading my blog a couple of weeks ago. It was anonymous, with no real names or cities or any of that, but it went into detail about what I had gone through dealing with them. I had hoped that they would finally realize just what they had done to me, the hurt, the pain, the suicidal thoughts, the way they had mistreated me, how they had misunderstood me–but instead they laughed and said they had no remorse. They called me crazy. Because I told them to stay away from me and not contact me except to apologize, they sent me a nasty note full of threats, denials, more blame. Because I told them to stay away from me, and because they know from my blog about the fear and pain I go through whenever I see them at church or around town, they’ve decided to come to my church every week now, even though they’ve always attended elsewhere for as long as they’ve lived here. She came up so close behind me in the communion line that she almost pressed against me, obviously to intimidate me.
They claim Christianity and talk about sacraments in their e-mail as if they were righteous, but their actions are demonic. And of course, they went up to the priest afterwards, and I just knew they were telling him how awful I was and played the victim. (How dare she say our actions were horrible and abusive and bullying! No, *she’s* the bully! Now we may have to press charges if she keeps telling these lies about us!)
Before, I suspected she was BPD/malignant NPD, but that he was more benign narcissist. Now, I *know* that both are malignant narcissists, psychopaths. They started stalking and cyberstalking me–fake account to follow my blog, RSS feed when I blocked their IP, fake account to send me that hateful e-mail because their own accounts were blocked, checking my website and blog repeatedly. I finally had to shut down my blog, which had just started to get some 10-20 post reads a day, and start up again elsewhere, where I have no name recognition at all.
They told me if I went to the priest with my concerns, they would sue me for defamation. Apparently they’re allowed to tell me all sorts of horrible things about my character, and rip me apart over a misunderstanding, but if I call them on it, I’m a horrible, mean person. If I stand up to them, tell my story, and tell them to stay the **** away from me, that means I’m this pathetic person who’s “not all there” and who they feel justified in stalking and terrorizing. I never realized just how evil this woman really is! I’ve let the police know what’s going on. No charges filed yet because as yet, there’s nothing they can do: They can’t stop them from checking my blog, can’t stop them from going to my church. But I’m keeping a paper trail, and if they slip up, I can file charges.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog
Look at the link. “Of Course I stung You…..I’m a scorpion.”
I just returned from a parenting trip to see my kids. It was the first time I made it through both exchanges and the many required interactions with my ex without anti-anxiety meds. I got back home, thinking, “Wow, that was quite civil. Maybe they’ll be like this from now on…” Then I got her email accusing me of sexual improprieties with our pre-school daughter.
At least there’s a new steenbok in the picture, enjoying the early stages of adoration. I have compassion for him and his inevitable future, but I’m still thankful for the distraction he provides.
Sometimes 3000 miles STILL isn’t far enough.
What’s scary too is how early some of them start:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ycoXiEDBZk&feature=player_embedded
It’s cute when a 3-year old does it and not at all cute when a 33-year old does it.
I’ve seen this type of behavior often in Information Technology departments in corporate environments.
http://www.softpanorama.org/Social/Toxic_managers/psychopath_in_the_corner_office.shtm
Beware the Paranoid Incompetent Micro-Manager (PIMM)!
It’s worse when the leopard has cleverly disguised herself as another steenbok. Looks like one, acts like one, talks like one (yes, I’m anthropomorphizing, get over it). You get comfortable and let your guard down. One day the disguise slips, and for a split second you think maybe she’s not a steenbok and you say something about it. She yells, screams, shames, humiliates and berates you for even thinking she might be something other than a steenbok. You feel guilty for bringing it up, believe her accusation that there’s something wrong with you not her, apologize, and go back to being comfortable. This happens repeatedly until you finally realize “Hey, she’s not a steenbok, she’s a predator!” You very gingerly try to put some boundaries in place. Then she eats you.
I think that was one of the turning points, incredibly difficult, and incredibly relieving as well–recognizing that she could not change, that this was her nature. It wasn’t my fault, nor was there anything I could do to change her. I wasn’t failing in my efforts to make her happy, she simply was incapable of happiness (and that’s why these people are truly pathetic, they are tortured inside). It let me stop wasting energy on the “I can fix her” front and start applying it somewhere more worthwhile.
Thanks Dr T. Another great story that tells us a lot about ourselves: how we tend to project onto others our kind compassionate nature when the truth is that their personality can be quite different. How the weak can identify with and seek protection from the strong when they are placed in a position of vulnerability. How we so much want the story to have a happy ending even when it goes against everything we know to be true about nature. When in reality, for all we know, the leopard may have been using the baby ‘bok as bait to catch a larger meal – its Mum!!
Not to hijack this thread, but ex-NFL player Deion Sanders has made charges of spousal abuse. This is something to follow and him being high profile might bring some publicity to this.
Also, the Violence against Women act is up in Congress and they are attempting to step on the first amendment to strengthen it with nary a word about both its constitutionality on both the ability enact it (commerce clause) and how it violates the equal protection clause.
Less high profile, but an example of a woman being charged with abuse:
http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/woman-charged-for-allegedly-leaving-child-in-traffic-while-beating/article_d53f0118-8d7f-11e1-bce5-001a4bcf887a.html
She put her own child at risk just so she could beat on this guy….
Gosh, I wonder what terrible things her boyfriend did to set the poor dear off like that.
/sarc
you know how many times I’ve looked at my own actions in my relationship to answer that question about her attacks on me… what did i do? but I always have to remind myself of the second night I met her. (the first was little more than an introduction at a party). I hadn’t said or done anything at that point. I hadn’t gotten myself dragged into her hell yet. but on the second night i met her I met her manic side her crazy and her violence and her inability to give in and accept responsibility, her victim hood. I never wanted to see her again. It still amazes me that I wound up in a relationship with her.
Hi, new here…
I am square eyed from reading here since last night, posted something, then asked Dr.T to delete it again, it was too much personal. and in depth.
What I wonder is about the state of psychology and treatment for people with such cruel behavior.
I am back in contact after 15 years with her, since february, and only since 48 hours I fully, not only by heart, but intellectually as well, understood what happened to me. I admit, it feels like being in a state of shock, someone switched a bright light on after your sat in darkness for a long time with open eyes.
One sentence summary: Within 5 years I was ruined, economically, mentally, physically, and I mean that literally! I was a quivering wreck, nearly lost my life caused by her actions as well, but that’s a long and bloody sad story.
I compared what happened 15 years ago and what I observed since three months.
I still found myself being quickly “back on track”, having feelings of longing for her and missing her presence, no I am not ashamed of saying this, it is just this way. Only this time I saw when she was tantalizing, brain fucking me as well, and so much more, re writing history, “gaslighting” and all that stuff, I spare you the entire list. No, she is not a yeller, she is way more dangerous, highly educated as well.
For years I believed it is me who is wrong, albeit it was only me who was injured and endured loss after loss, the typical – and THIS was news to me – behavior to needle a softspot until you react in pain, in my case that was cynicism and sarcasm, but never without expressing that this is a result of pain, that I am hurt, and questioning why she does it, of course – THIS also was new to me – it was followed by “tsk tsk tsk, touchy we are aren’t we?”, just a small example of en endless list.
Her own child, back then 10 years, is evidence as well, very sad really.
She is 54, I am 51 now, it went so far that we were talking about a possible common future again.
I told her, only if you are willing to talk to me face to face about this past, this is the core really, only then we can move on. Did it happen? Nope, when I addressed some of the most injuring things she clearly caused, not a doubt in the world she was responsible, she still turns the table, admitting no wrong doing, although major witnesses exist, and tries to make me feel responsible for her wrong doing. Since 2 days I broke the contact, I told her:
….”To say that you ruined my life for years to come, and on all accounts, physically, mentally, and economically, that does not even begin to describe it.
Forgive you all that? Yes, I was willing to do that, get all this behind, in my heart I already did, to heal what you injured and destroyed, but forgiveness is a two way action, one who admits wrongdoing and one who forgives. Love is a fact of life, as is fear, you chose the latter.
Quote: “You scared me, I pushed you away.” ENDQUOTE This is as dishonest as can be a statement, designed to put you in a victims role, where you were the sole aggressor, stereotype indeed! Back then, your world was nothing but fear, lies, and selfishness, not love, honesty and compassion.
Your world today…. as it was back then… it is entirely YOUR choice, not mine…..”
After that I stumbled on your site Dr.T and read a lot… jaw dropping on desk… best describes my reaction.
How, if at all, is it possible to have someone with such a behavior understand what he/she is doing? Can I suggest anything at all to her, to have the slightest chance to progress, gain insights for her to stop being such a cruel and devastating person?
Thanks for all this here, and sorry for being so lengthy, to me it is very very short in deed.
Best wishes
Shadow
Shadow, I feel your pain. I lived a similar experience and the details are tragic indeed. Kept going back for more punishment, although it was always sugar-coated and she was a professional manipulator, she could sell an exploding Ford Pinto to a used car salesman thats how good she was. I became physically sick too and suffered tremendously. Its the poo-pooing of your feelings, the situation, and her behavior that really irks us abused ones. The ‘re-writing’ of the facts, omission of facts, distortions, victim role-playing, and then shrugging us off as an inconsequential, trivial person.
This entire scheme is part of ‘Invalidation’. There are lots of websites and articles out there about invalidation, and Invalidators. Its an evil that goes mostly unrecognized and unchallenged in our society, yet does a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological harm.
Anyway, avoid all contact w/ your ex at all costs. For some reason she has a hook into you and she’s going to pull it and toy with you. If you have to communicate with her, then you have to look at your ex like an opponent. Its a boxing match and you must always have your guard up and protect yourself at all times.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
I found the both articles
1. Love and Stockholm Syndrome
2. Personality Disorders: The Controllers, Abusers, Manipulators and Users in relationships
here:
http://www.drjoecarver.com/3/miscellaneous2.htm
most helpful.
No, I do not see this as a boxing match, she does!
In AiKiDo, which I practiced for many years, there is a principal, a attacking force will not to be blocked, but picked up instead, the energy directed against you then is use it to bring the attacking force out of balance.
If I have to do this to protect myself, I will.
No, I can not help her, and I told her so. What I believe today is that this condition is known to her, she is aware about it, and there is evidence in abundance, sub consequently I conclude, it is a matter of choice she makes, despite being trained this way all her life, she is aware about it, hence there is no innocence, none!
The only one who can help her is herself, a painful insight has to come first, that her own son’s condition today is a direct result of her “parenting”.
Back when all this happened to me, I was not educated enough on these matters, I was just trapped in her shit tests and lies. I am not anymore.
So if she starts this “boxing”, she faces two situations, one is that she punches air, and you loose quickly power if you do that for a long time, or the punch flies is picked up and brings her out of balance.
I do not know how long I will do that, I am doing it now since 3 months, and still I experienced emotional pain, but I am aware now why this is, and it is much less destructive on me, I guess this is a process of detachment.
Best
Shadow
Somehow, I can not edit what I wrote, well, I forgot to say something. I am very sorry to hear that you became physically sick as well.
Back in the 19th century such people were described as “morally insane” – Zeitgeist! – today we have different explanations, but looking at figures that speak of 10-15 % of adult population to display this condition is immense.
In my experience with this woman, she stated herself that she has shallow emotions, often feels empty, and described her inner world as a “Volcano”.
In the context of my knowledge today, I see this much clearer. She would neglect her own child to train for her next marathon, obsessed with running, she also described it as “It makes me feel alive.”
One can not thank Tara and other enough to highlight this to a greater public. The more people are aware about it, the better. To identify these people is not always easy, but once you know a select set of behaviors, hopefully red flags go up.
I hope your life is better today cuatezon and that you regained self esteem and health.
Best
Shadow
Shadow, appreciate your reply & input. Sounds like we’ve lived similar experiences. Interesting how these condition(s) know no boundaries – its not just an American thing! 🙂
I actually have a MS Word document saved with 3 pages of links on Invalidators, Manipulators, Narcissists, Sociopaths. Two of the best websites on this are:
http://www.core.eqi.org/invalid.htm
http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html
Many other sites out there of course. Its good for us to read on how we suffered invalidation, helped me verbalize and quantify the unspeakable and immeasurable trauma I went through. This information is also helpful b/c I believe, it helps us see what probably happened to our abuser. Invalidation is the ‘Gift that keeps on Giving’.
I have slowly began rebuilding my self-esteem, and health is good now thank you for your concern. Nonetheless, old habits die hard and I’m a magnet for these crazies…was dating a doctor recently (neuropsychiatrist/neurologist of all people) and wow what a f——- doozie that was. Classic Narcissist and Sociopath. OMG I really can’t believe I dated her for almost a year. I really need to take a hard look at why I’m getting involved with these types.
Thankfully, Dr. T and her website have been an emotional windfall for me. Dr. T is a rare individual; she works in the mental health field and actually calls people’s bullshit for what it is, no compromising, no wishy-washy. Just what the doctor ordered for all these sociopaths we deal with. She’s worth her weight in gold.
Anyway, so good to communicate w/ you Shadow. Its therapeutic for me knowing other men have suffered similar things. Warm Regards, Cuatezon
Hi,
thanks for the links. Yeah, there are many sources out there that can be helpful towards a better understanding.
On reflecting what I learned so far, I find myself wondering about our entire societal structure indeed. I used to live in the US for some time. My early experiences were culture shock like, I was stunned by the violence and stress this society radiated.
I can compare this with another experience, at some stage of my life, I lived on the Maldives for some time. When I came back into the European world, and left the airport, I was close to tears. Cars, stinking air, noise wherever you went, so many people, many running into you, even if you stand still, it was like no one respecting your personal space. After living for months without that, I could not believe what I was seeing. I perceived it as insane and felt estranged from the world where I lived all my life.
In our western societal structures, competition and performance has been preached like a mantra into the Post WWII brains, the reward was a consumerist life.
We feed our children with psychotropic brian chemistry altering stimulants to accommodate our own selfishness, pop a label on them and continue our busy lives.
The mental health of a nation is what I wonder about. When I was going to the maldives for the very first time, it was listed to be amongst the five poorest nations on this planet. What I saw was different, I saw smiling people, and I was not in tourist all-yo-can-eat resorts, I saw happy people, I saw stunningly gorgeous people radiating self esteem and health.
In this time we live in, and I describe it as does my fellow country man the philosopher Juergen Habermas, we witness a time of global coup d’etat, stress and fear is increasing in our nations. In Ireland where I live, the suicide rates are through the roof, same in Greece.
What I mean to say is this, if we could just sit back for a second and take a deep breath, realize that there is no plan B, that we only have this one planet available to us, and that in this life, which is a miracle, very minute pr precious, perhaps we would start to shift our focus to what really matters.
Sorry for ranting…. I am in a somewhat deeper reflective state of mind on all this.
Best
Shadow
I hear what you’re saying Shadow. While the U.S. has a lot of great places and is a great country, it has serious economic and social issues. What you’re referring to is what many call the ‘Dominator Culture’. We’ve been taught social Darwinism in modern society, and I’m sure its prevalent in some primitive societies too. You’ll see some info on Paul Elam’s site A Voice For Men about the alpha-male fallacy and similar topics related to this Dominator Culture. Part of the reason you see the bullying epidemic & violence here. In addition, Americans are really a very conformist society and independent, critical thinking is something you don’t encounter too much anymore. But I’ve digressed here a bit and still love my country, just wish we could change some things.
Many feminists & other women believe we (men and our female supporters) want to revert back to the 1950s, take away their rights to vote, to earn fair pay, reproductive rights, etc. On the contrary, I think we need to use Aikido here and throw that rights movement FORWARD, NOT BACKWARD. In other words, I want to help women pursue all complete, 100% rights as men. Inherent in these rights is RESPONSIBILITY.
Therefore, when a woman gets pregnant and the relationship ends, she is 50% responsible for the financial and emotional upbringing of the child. Not a penny more, not a penny less. An empowered woman doesn’t need alimony – that’s a thing of the 50s! Watch the feminists whine about that. They’d fight this ideal and paradigm, and by rejecting taking the fair share of responsibility, they inherently are saying women are weaker, IMO.
Currently, women can end a relationship anytime, any reason, and we accept this as their right (which it is). If a man ends a relationship for almost any reason other than infidelity, then “he’s a jerk and dumped that poor girl.” I’m tired of the double standards in this society and how it always favors women emotionally, financially, psychologically. I don’t promote being harsher on women, only fair-is-fair impartiality regardless of gender, instead of the female biased favortism that is rampant in our society.
Until next time.
Say, not sure how to get the word to everyone, but I found some great info, blogged experiences, and articles on the Angies Media website about Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the most accurately descriptive info & details & experiences I’ve ever read on BPD. There are also some links there to a series of articles in Psychology Today on BPD. These are must read pieces for you all, IMHO.
My leopard stalked me:) and blended into a background of normality, her camouflage was deliberate and purposeful. The morning after we were married, she said with a smile, “for making me do this you will have to watch my every move, your life is going to be hell,” it was a, what the **#% moment!
I refuse to blame myself for this, but I have learnt to trust my instincts and even though my instincts have been proved to be falable on occasion, it is better than falling prey again.
That little antelope resembled me twenty years ago, now I know there are people who are so devoid of human empathy and morality they should be forced on to a register of incurable sociopaths … Seriously they are a public health hazard!
I have met three people in my life that I am sure are sociopaths, and in every case I have had the same uncomfortable feeling of being in their company. I am honed to them now and my experience of 17 years marriage and 23 years of knowing this particular leopard has left its mark, but it has given me a rare skill set, (akin to a vampire hunter:)).
I am not afraid of them, but they should suffer in isolation, give them distance, and if you feel empathy for them, and you probably will, the only thing, really the only thing you can do to help them is give them a number of a shrink that specialises in treatment of sociopaths (I have tried garlic, unless they have an allergy to it, it doesn’t work:)).
Please, for those that are just going thru the process of disengaging from your particular leopard, it will take you time to get to a position to limit their damage on your life, even though it may never be complete, you will learn to manage it, please don’t give up!! I do know that your situation will improve day by day and please reach out for help and professional advice …..
Great article but need this article 9 years ago. You see I was lured in and later was lied to , cheated on (years), disrespected, while I help her with money, family, brought flowers to hospital bed, brought groceries when too sick ,etc. I was the last to know she was seeing and communicating online with other men. Needless to say she wanted me out of her sad life since she has plenty of other victims wanting and sexing her . I’m in therapy trying to recover from the abuse and humiliation . Hurt and angry that a person can hurt others walk away no apology nothing. I suddenly don’t exist in her eyes only fresh male meat to pick from.