Here’s the latest from CrazyBuster, Micksbabe. It is a follow-up to her article, How to Spot a Gold Digger.
This article will discuss the manipulations of the Gold Digger’s evil counter-part, the Damsel in Distress. Whereas the Gold Digger is overt in her, “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” in exchange for sex and other favors, the Damsel in Distress is much more covert in her manipulations. In fact, you can think of the Damsel in Distress as a covert Gold Digger.
The Damsel in Distress’s shtick is that of the helpless waif, tied to the tracks with a train approaching. The Damsel in Distress first finds a Giver or Rescuer and begins appealing to his inherent generosity with her needy helplessness, and rewards him with gratitude and makes him feel like a Knight in Shining Armor for saving her.
The Damsel in Distress would have the Knight believe that, without his intervention, she would certainly perish. In this relationship, the Damsel in Distress has her needs met by fulfilling the Giver’s need to be needed.
In reality, the Damsel in Distress is lazy and shameless and is, essentially, seeking a host. She’s an entitled manipulative brat who was trained in this manner, either by observing a female role model, or by having a male role model who treated her like a Princess.
She is not responsible for her own actions or solving her own problems. She will never carry in her own groceries from the car. She will not mow the grass, take her car in for an oil change, move a piece of furniture or use a screwdriver, for anything. She will not get up in the middle of the night to care for her crying baby, even though she doesn’t work.
At best, she will insist that you work in feeding shifts. She hates changing diapers and will moan about it until you end up doing it and it becomes your job, exclusively.
The bills? Those are yours, too. It is your job to fund her shopping sprees and if there is not enough money left to pay the utilities, then you failed and you are not only no longer a Knight, but you are no longer a Man.
In the real world, all of us suffer natural consequences. The Damsel in Distress manages to find a Giver who is willing to insulate her from natural consequences, just as her parents did when she was a child. In fact, the Damsel in Distress is a child, emotionally. But a child with an adult intellect who learned how to be manipulative to continue getting all of her needs met by someone else.
How do you avoid becoming prey to the Damsel in Distress?
Here are a few warning signs to watch for that might indicate you are dating, married to or divorcing a Damsel in Distress:
1. She’s always in peril. This is not normal. Normal people figure out how to get their shit together and avoid crises. The Damsel in Distress manufactures crises and uses them as her mating call.
2. She has problems with finances. Occasionally all of us run into some financial problems. But the difference in the Damsel in Distress and the rest of us (normal people) is that we figure out what went wrong in the first place, suffer a little until we get back on our feet, and don’t let it happen again. Improvise, adapt and overcome. The Damsel in Distress flops around like a flounder until someone takes pity on her and bails her out. Incidentally, the Damsel in Distress never pays back loans.
3. She “Can’t.” Normal people “can.” There are a long list of things that the Damsel in Distress “can’t” do, and that list looks very similar to what the Damsel in Distress doesn’t “want” to do. Avoid dating women who overuse the word, “Can’t.” Otherwise you will be the person picking up her dog’s poop out of the yard.
Before you think I am admonishing you for being generous, I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with being a Giver. It’s better than being a Taker. Givers make the world a better place. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if two Givers got together and gave to each other? Reciprocal giving – there’s a concept.
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.