This is worth watching. Thank you to the individual who shared the link. We need more news coverage on this topic. The channel that produced this segment did a very good job with it.
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This is brilliantly covered, and kudos to the production team (and Dr. P) for having the courage to shed light on this issue.
One thing however, I theorize that the prevalence of female to male domestic violence is far higher than cited in this video due to the factor of male under reporting true incidents and female over reporting false allegations of abuse. The true figure is far closer to parity than any study has likely revealed.
John Conyers, Joe Biden, and the rest of the feminism co-opted legislators ought to be ashamed. They have contributed to a worse society than would otherwise be.
If VAWA is not repealed, it should be amended to include gender-neutral language. The feminist operative in the video was dismissive with her “What’s in a name?” comment.
Finally, this society is almost as unjust as the old Jim Crow south was to blacks. Take your hard earned dollars abroad to countries that do not discriminate against men.
While I found the video informative I do wonder about those numbers at about 6:24.
It started by saying 2 million women hit their male partners and then subtracted those who hit in self defense and those who are “emotionally provoked”. I have no problem with the self defense subtraction (except for when people try to claim that women only hit men in self defense that’s with the people who use it like that) but why are the ones who are “emotionally provoked” removed from the count? Last time I checked men weren’t given an exception on abusing women who had “emotionally provoked” them so why are women given that kind of slack?
I noticed that too, and wondered “What’s emotionally provoked?” As the convict said in the beginning of the segment, would it possibly include “Fighint to the death over who is going to change the toilet paper roll”?
#2 – Women hitting men in self-defense? If a man is coming at me with fists of fury, my first instinct would be to run, hide, hold up my hands to protect myself, cower in a corner…but NOT hit him…if it was another woman, maybe I’d hit in self-defense…but a man? That would be just plain stupid.
I won’t hold what your Fight of Flight repose would be TheGirlInside but if you did fight back against a man that was attacking you I’d have no problem with it whatsoever. Nothing wrong with self defense. I just have a problem when people try to write off ALL (or at least so much of it that the remaining is just swept under the rug) female against male violence as self defense. A rude comment or body language is not self defense no matter how badly some people want to think it is, well no matter how badly they want to think it is in the case of women.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
I didn’t catch that. Very interesting.
So, are they saying it’s okay for a woman to hit a man if she’s been “emotionally provoked?” If so, what about all the men who are emotionally provoked into hitting their female partners?
I also wonder what comprises “emotional provocation.” Many of my clients “emotionally provoke” their partners by telling them their behavior is hurtful and/or by trying to hold them accountable. I say, “horsesh*t.”
Emotionally provoked. There are some things you just don’t say because when you do bad things happen. One word in particular…C. U Next Tuesday. Yelling the wrong name while in bed. Certain racial slurs in mixed company. You get the idea.
Several times I have witnessed the results of this type of bad judgment and poor word choice. Anything short of this type and level of provocation is not “emotionally provoked” it is just abuse.
Doesn’t excuse violence. Men are “emotionally provoked” as well, but that would never be deemed an acceptable excuse for physical abuse. Hell, even children are taught that lesson “just because they said something mean, doesn’t mean you should get in a fight”
Oh agreed doesn’t excuse violence. But to paraphrase from “Firefly” character Malcolm Reynolds when you say certain things “violence will ensue.” This type of provocation is almost always delivered with malice and with the specific purpose of provoking someone to violence.
Yeah, but that is a tactic more commonly used by women to provoke men into hitting the woman.
Do men really provoke women into hitting them? For what cause? To hit her back harder? I think abusive men are more likely to try to provoke a woman to tears / submission rather than violence. I could be wrong….
Now, two women on the other hand “REEEE-OWWWRRR!”
Men can be emotionally provoked just as can women… It isn’t acceptable when a man “loses control” in such a way, because he “should know better” and “should never hit a woman, there is never an excuse”… So I’m not sure how it’s relevant to bring up in regards to this topic if not to excuse the behavior of these abusive women? Please help me understand why you brought it up, if not to excuse the bad behavior of these C.U Next TuesdayS?
Not an excuse for bad behavior. Certain words and gestures will start a fight under certain conditions. Add mental issues, alcohol, drugs and heated emotional states and saying the wrong thing, in some places, will get you in trouble. Sometimes that trouble is physical violence up to and including death or great bodily harm.
I have been in several knock down, drag out brawls and near riots over someone, almost always deliberately, saying the wrong thing.
Words are important. Tone sometimes even more so. Gestures and actions have consequences. The BDP’s know this and use it to provoke reactions.
As Dr T and Shari put it in the recent blog radio show…the BDP will ALWAYS go for the weakest chink in your armor. The best weapon they have, that they know will work, every time are certain words, delivered in a certain way at (for them) the right time.
LOL — It took me a minute…”Why would saying that you would see someone next Tuesday be a bad thing to say??”
What? Tuesdays are not good date nights???
Sorry – a little slow tonight 🙂
Pretty good job. At least it’s a start. We need much more coverage but sometimes these things gain momentum. My ex hit me with her fist while she was driving with her son watching and screaming at her (I had the audacity not to follow her orders while on vacation), she jerked my arm and tore my rotator cuff (told me I was too fragile), and twisted my head so hard I developed vertigo and missed 1 weak of work (nothing like having your eyes spinning in your head and throwing up to cause your wife to leave and go talk to the neighbors about the lawn).
When I told my male friends and even one of my son’s about it, they laughed. Lesson learned. Keep quiet and get away. I’ve healed except emotionally.
Thank goodness she is your ‘ex’!!
The emotional scars are the ones that last the longest and have the greatest impact on the rest of your life.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
The old childhood adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is a crock.
Scrapes and bruises heal rather quickly. Emotional scars can last a lifetime.
Funky Monk says
Very true indeed. I would even go so far as to say that it is the emotional scars left by the physical wounds that hurt more: I don’t readily remember in what context I received the many scars on my body from my ex; but I do still feel the utter indignance and violation that she would even dare to lay her filthy hands on me in anger, and leave scars there as remembrances. If not for these scars the memory of the physical assaults would have long been forgotten, but they now serve as constant reminders of the hell that was once my life, thanks to her.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
You’re right. I don’t remember the cuts and scrapes I sustained during childhood from falling off my bike, etc. But I do remember what the mean girls and bullies said and did. Every last despicable thing.
good reporting. Another pebble in the pond!
Re: the death threats. I find it bitterly laughable when people prove their point by making a threat, a la: “How dare you call me violent! I ought to *&@^#$#$ the *%&$ out of you!”
something like all those advocates trying to end rape by wishing it upon anyone who doesn’t cow-toe to their ideology?
Funky Monk says
The lack of reprisal is what makes these women think they can get away with murder, literally. My ex-wife thought the same thing but the more it becomes clear that women should be held accountable for their actions just like men are, the more the abuse will stop. Pieces like these are refreshing but we still have a very long way to go.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
I agree, Funky Monk.
Share these links. I believe some news agencies track views. If a certain kind of story gets a lot of traffic, they’re bound to report more stories like it.
This video was uploaded on to YouTube on November 9, 2009, but according to the poster of this video, ‘videot9000’ this news segment was reported on April 2nd 1999 by WTTG Fox television news in Washington DC. If that is accurate, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of these statistics have changed since then.
women being held to the same standard as men when it comes to violence? Never going to happen. My princess has punched shoved and thrown things at me. A while back she stood over me…swinging her fist through the air…saying “I could just punch you” I’m a former athlete and can definitely handle myself in any scrape. What are my options? Leave. That’s it. I cannot touch her. She knows it. Tara! Thank you so very much for your latest radio broadcast. I have finally been enlightened enough to plumb my upbringing in order to discover the answer to why I stayed. I do believe there are many answers to be found in my early childhood environment….which was not horrible-but far from perfect. Your website gets better every week. It has saved me so many times. Maybe this time for good.
GI Dad says
Not too crazy to admit it but…. I once hit and punched my Psycho ex wife (well, almost ex wife). There was a time when I had way too much of her sh*t, had to be u pat 7am (it was 12 or 1 am) and I had had enough.
She was hanging onto my leg like a 3 yr old, literally crying and clinging and I could not (I get this now) get her to behave like an adult. I had had enough, was frustrated and at my wit’s end.
I don’t think I’ve ever told this anywhere except to my current gf, but I was just so AHHHHHHHH!!!, I did, I punched her and hit her (legs only, cuz I didn’t wanna leave visible bruises) until she left me alone.
I remember that the kids were crying at the bedroom door (which PB1 closed).
I wonder now if maybe I should have left visible bruises, made PB1 have to explain why and where they came from.
She claims now, in the divorce, that I was physically abusive. Boy, you wanna talk about abuse? SHE was the abuser.
I was raised that it’s NEVER okay to hit a woman, NEVER okay under any circumstances. Well, I ask now, why? Why is it not okay to hit a woman, any more than it’s okay to hit a man who VIOLATES your personal space, VIOLATES your freedom?
She shared a bed with me (at the time), we were in OUR bedroom, yet somehow that made it worse? More of an offense?
Reverse the roles and I’M the bad guy? But she gets off scott free? Why?
Why didn’t I report it? Why didn’t I have HER arrested?
Dr. Tara has had some amazing articles on Stockholm symdrome and Learned Helplessness, but actually letting that SINK IN and more importantly TAKE ROOT has been a real challenge.
Even when I KNOW that what I DID was OKAY and in SELF-DEFENSE, doesn’t remove the STIGMA…wondering if I was the ABUSER.
The societal impact that has been ingrained for far too many generations will take some time to fix.
Women have been the victims of DV, but I feel that the paradigm has shifted to the other extreme, rather than stopping in the midddle. Where women were viewed as victims and were empowered and now been EMpowered, men have been made out to be perpetrators only. The truth is that women and men are victims of DV…equally
Every 15 seconds for both, by the video shown. Only difference is that men are no longer empowered. One shelter for men? That’s all they could find?
Just a further comment. Even if your wife later decides to admit the entire thing, you may not be out of the woods. Some prosecuting offices receive grants to prosecute family violence from the Violence Against Women Act, and are PROHIBITED from later dismissing the case if the wife recants. There are many prosecutors who are forced to go forward with a trial even if the wife does not show up for court regardless. So what happens is that cases with TRUE victims languish on a docket for years because these cases have been made a priority even if no violence occurred.
Allow me to be living proof of this. I not only had an ex that was abusive like this but she comes from an entire family of women who are this abusive. She has stabbed me with a pen and hit me in the face with a breathing machine. One time she was mad because she cleaned up and I left a receipt on the table. She literally hid behind the door waiting for me to enter with keys between her fingers like brass knuckles. Her mother has stabbed her boyfriends and her aunt has stabbed her boyfriends. One of her aunts even set the bed on fire while her boyfriend was in it. She girl cousins stab there boyfriends. One stabbed her boyfriend within a inch of his heart.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. But get this. None of them have done any time or be prosecuted for these acts. It’s considered ridiculous when any of these men went to the authorities. The cousin that stabbed her boyfriend in the chest and almost killed him is the only one who had to go to court for the act. She only received probation.
This is an epidemic that has gotten out of hand and I for one am sick of it. I’m in no position now, but I plan to start a support group in my city and also protest and rally for men’s rights.
Thank you to everyone on this site for showing me I’m not alone in this fight. And to those of you who are still going through this, I want you to know you have a brother in arms.