Last week I received an email from David Burch, associate producer of Investigation Discovery’s Stalked. For the new season, they want to include at least one episode that features male targets of female stalkers. Many of you have shared your experiences about being stalked by your girlfriends/wives/exes here at Shrink4Men, which is how Mr Burch found the site.
Before agreeing to assist Mr Burch, I watched a couple episodes of the program. They seem to treat female stalking victims who appear on the show with respect. I spoke with Mr Burch and he assured me that male stalking victims who come forward will be treated with the same respect. In other words, I wanted to be certain to the best of my ability that no man would get “Dr Phil-ed” by the show’s editors or production team. Mr Burch gave me that assurance.
Typically, the show’s producers reach out to law enforcement officials, domestic violence facilities and other crisis treatment centers to find subjects for the program. I’m not surprised DV programs couldn’t provide Mr Burch with male victims. As we all know, most DV programs won’t even admit that men can be the victims of domestic violence. The handful that grudgingly acknowledge this don’t provide services for men. I’m not surprised law enforcement officials couldn’t provide male victims either, also for obvious reasons.
Your story is especially relevant for the show if you filed a police report against the female perpetrator or tried to file a report. If the police didn’t take you seriously and/or let your perpetrator off with a warning/slap on the wrist, this is also relevant subject matter.
Here’s an example of a Stalked segment for those of you who are unfamiliar with the program:
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If you would like your story to be considered for the show, please contact Mr Burch directly at the following email:
Alternately, if you have concerns you’d like to discuss with me before contacting Mr Burch, please share them in the comments below or email me:
It’s incredibly important that men who are or were the victims/targets of female perpetrators begin to speak up. We need to dispel the cultural myth that women can’t be abusive and dangerous. We need to start holding abusive, disturbed and/or sociopathic women accountable—especially for their criminal behaviors.
I know the thought of admitting about how some crazy woman harassed and traumatized you may make you uncomfortable. However, by sharing your experiences, you could very well help to save another man’s sanity and life who is in a similar situation. Many of you have been stalked by women who are the mothers of your children. Even so, I encourage you to contact Mr Burch.
Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
That was a lightbulb moment for me. I understand now why they don’t ‘want’ to leave their abusers…rather die slowly one little piece of your soul at a time than as a victim of a violent outburst?
Mr. E says
Fear of reprisal is certainly a factor (a big one), but I expect hope is also a part of choosing not to leave. Not many people would stay with, or even be attracted to, someone who is terrible all the time. Defeating the hope that the “nice” person is the real person is tough. On top of that are feelings of guilt and obligation.
B Experienced says
I myself was stalked by two female Cluster B’s, and I am a female. Both were to ascertain friendship without my consent. Generally speaking, Romantic Relationship Stalking is far more dangerous. I would like to give some advice from experience to those who are interested in appearing on this show. I think that it is good that people are seeing the serious problems that the Cluster B poses and in conjunction with stalking/harassment behaviors by either a female or male.
Before you do anything, I would consult and attorney. Even if you talked to the DA’s office and told them what you want to do, then somebody in the legal system will be informed of your intentions. Take a tape recorder to this appointment so that you have proof of this meeting and their legal advisement. You may be accused of provocation and retaliation instead of letting sleeping dogs lie, so to speak, by your stalker’s attorney if the person gets wind of it and won’t stand for being outed. Keep in mind the B’s hypersensitivity, dangerous volatile and impulsive behaviors as well as their need for control. Never underestimate that even if there has been very lengthy periods of them behaving normally. This can change in a minute. I have seen this happen with B’s who have been in therapy for decades or were deemed cured. Strongly consider the correlations with BPD and Psychopathy now being studied by Psychopathy Researchers who are competent. I would only do this if you are certain you are safe, physically, psychology, and legally. Do it in disguise. If the person is currently stalking you, it may up the stalking activity because they are angry and their sense of entitlement is being threatened. If the person is not stalking you, the person may start it up again so be prepared. You need to demonstrate that you have planned well and that you are not a reckless or impulsive person yourself. This is important because the Cluster B’s are good at accusing you of what they do and lawyers are trained to discredit their opponent. BE CAREFUL OF THIS. If you are not healed from the relationship, don’t do it. You certainly can’t risk any more wounds. If you do not have a proper support system and/or can’t handle the possibility of them stalking you again, please don’t do it. This is certainly not a decision to make lightly.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
Hi B Experienced,
Most television shows of this nature have legal departments that check these kinds of issues out because cable networks don’t want to be sued. Precaution is good, but if there are men reading this who are interested in participating, I encourage you to contact Mr Burch to discuss any concerns, including legal and safety.
The show has a disclaimer at the beginning that names, locations, etc., have been changed to protect those involved. I also believe the show is interested in cases in which the police have been involved, which means the perp has already been identified by law enforcement.
Ron On Drums says
It is something to consider. My story would be great for this show. However this all happened about 10years ago & she has only made two very week attempts to contact since. In addition I am now sole care giver to a wife who is considered terminal (Liver Disease). So I do have to let sleeping dogs lie for the sake of my beloved’s safety. Being “outed” as you say could start the whole mess over again. It was an absolute NIGHTMARE dealing with it the first time when I broke up with her because of her abuse. The breakup is the scariest time
Right now she has no idea as to where I live locally & doesn’t know my phone number. But her dad is a Deputy for the Local Sheriff’s Department. It would be VERY easy for her to get that information from him. He is JUST like her or visa versa. He would be all to happy to assist her. Not to mention would I then have to worry about harassment from him? I’d hate to get pulled over every time I left the house. She also made a fasle charge against me when I dumped her. While I was cleared it cost me THOUSANDS to do that. At the time she claimed I assaulted her my band was doing a show in front thousands of witnesses. & yes the police & courts REFUSED to punish her for filing a false report. Since my wife’s illness has bankrupted us financially I wouldn’t have the money to defend myself this time. Not to mention who would care for her when I could no longer post bail?
So I have more than just myself to consider. I just can’t take the chance of harm coming to my beloved wife.