Has your wife or girlfriend ever threatened to call the police on you as a way to control or intimidate you? Has she ever smirked and said if you don’t do x, y, z that she’ll tell people you beat her and the kids or that you’ve molested the kids? Has she followed through on these threats and then offered to rescind the charges if you agree to do x, y, z? If you answered yes to any of these questions, why, oh why, are you still in the relationship? If these behaviors and threats are not automatic deal-breakers for you, you are in serious danger; a willing lamb being led to the slaughter.
The 411 on your wife’s or girlfriend’s threats to call 911.
There are bad and abusive people in the world. Statistically speaking, odds are that half of the bad people are women and the other half are men. Some men absolutely deserve to have the cops called on them and so do some women. If you’re not violent, abusive nor a sexual predator, then you don’t fall into this category.
Out of all the despicable and abusive behaviors engaged in by high-conflict women (HCPs) or abusive personality-disordered women, making false allegations and threatening to call the police/actually calling the police are some of the most despicable. Unfortunately, our legal system enables these behaviors and rarely punishes women who make false claims and send the police on wild goose chases. Anyone who calls the police under false pretenses should spend the night in jail (at a bare minimum) and be fined for wasting tax dollars. Oh, she was confused and upset and misinterpreted the situation…
Put her in jail for the night, fine her $2000 (not payable by her husband/boyfriend) and let’s see if that helps her accurately assess her circumstances in the future. I would also grant an immediate restraining order to any man who has the police falsely called upon him and have the woman removed from the home until the case goes to court. Stiffer sentences should be applied to women who don’t recant and carry these destructive farces all the way to court.
When a woman threatens to call the police or calls the police to make false allegations against you, she is attempting to rob you of your freedom and to destroy your reputation, your career and your other relationships.
When a woman makes false allegations or threatens to involve the police, it should be an absolute deal-breaker. If she follows through on her threats; it’s a deal-breaker. Even if she doesn’t follow through on her threats; it’s a deal-breaker. Anyone who tries to control, punish or intimidate you in this way is untrustworthy, toxic and dangerous and you should regard her as such. Any other response is folly and you are very likely to regret minimizing, rationalizing, excusing or ignoring these threats in the future.
You must neither take these behaviors lightly nor excuse them. Most police arrest men in these situations—no questions asked and without any proof. In fact, many men are hauled off to jail even when they have visibly sustained cuts and bruises from being attacked by their wives and there’s not a scratch on the wives. If your wife or girlfriend is threatening to do this to you or has already done it, you need to snap out of it and start working on your exit strategy now.
Why do some women do this?
There are a variety of reasons some women make false allegations and unfounded 911 calls. Here are some of the most common ones:
1. The girl who cried wolf. She wants your attention and/or attention from others. Calling the cops and making false allegations instantly puts her into the poor victim role and gets her lots of attention, sympathy and support. If she doesn’t confess it’s all a lie or drop the charges and takes the case to court, she gets even more attention and support. This also helps her immensely in any smear campaign she’s conducting against you.
2. Control. Many women make these threats when their tried and true control devices are no longer working for them. For example, if you’re setting boundaries and disengaging from her conflict and chaos, this is often when this kind of woman will threaten to call the police—it’s a desperate escalation to retain control. Or, if you have begun to stand up for yourself and are holding her accountable, she might call the cops to flex her muscles and rein you back in.
3. Punishment. The police are frequently invoked by this kind of woman when she’s angry about something you’ve done or haven’t done as a form of punishment. If he thinks he’s going to go out with his friends tonight and ignore me, I’ll show him. Break up with me? Try this on for size, mister. Some of these women may even make up allegations that have nothing to do with you harming them. They make up other random accusations, like you’re planning to rob a bank, are stealing money from work, have damaged her property or that you’re a terrorist. Spin, Random Accusation Wheel, spin.
4. To gain an advantage in divorce and custody proceedings. It’s fairly common knowledge that if a woman wants to gain the upper hand in a divorce or custody dispute, all she has to do is make up stories about abuse and/or being afraid. The police will remove a man from his home and the courts will issue an emergency restraining order, most often without any evidence. They simply take a woman at her word. Evidence? Shmevidence.
I think this is a terrifying and an outrageous miscarriage of justice. Even more obscene is that negative advocate attorneys will actually encourage their female clients to lie. If it can be proven that an attorney is engaging in this practice, I think she or he should be disbarred. The woman in question should be prosecuted and do the same amount of time for the crime(s) of which she accuses her husband. Making false allegations to gain the upper hand in a divorce is contemptible.
5. They believe their own lies distortions. Many abusive women, particularly if they’re high-conflict and/or personality disordered, believe their own lies as soon as they spring from their mouths. Worse yet, they’re often highly persuasive because of the intense emotions that accompany their lies and can usually convince others of their dubious “victim-hood”—at least initially. Here’s how the distortion-lie mechanism may work in their brains:
- Questioning her about something. This could be a credit card bill, why the kids haven’t been fed or bathed, why she’s been staying out so late, why she keeps calling and hanging up, asking if she wants you to pick up milk on your way home from work, holding her accountable or breaking up with her. She becomes angered by your questions or being busted and, in her mind, this is a criminally punishable offense. How dare you question or criticize her?
- She interprets any of these stimuli as a life threatening or psychologically threatening event. Therefore, you must be abusing her and she’s in danger or she wants to “teach you a lesson.” I would argue that if she’s trying to “teach you a lesson” for angering or questioning her, she knows she’s not really in danger and is just being malicious because the law enables her to be.
I suspect some of these women know they’re lying at the moment of the lie’s inception. I think they begin to believe their own lies the more they tell them. Perhaps one of the reasons they’re so persuasive and convincing is that they’re also trying to convince themselves that their stories are true.
Do not kid yourself. Threatening to call the police under false pretenses is a relationship deal-breaker.
This is the mother of all relationship red flags. False allegations of abuse and threats to call the police are a form of extreme abuse unto themselves. These behaviors typically indicate that you’re involved with a woman who is:
- a) an unstable, radioactive isotope
- b) malicious and manipulative
- c) immoral and unethical
- d) all of the above.
Once the police and the courts are involved in your life it can cause an array of extremely unpleasant consequences. If you don’t have children, the best thing you can do is to break it off once this happens and end the relationship. Within the next couple days, I will post the second half of this article, which will discuss what you should do if you find yourself in this situation.
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I wish I had seen this website and this article 5 years ago when my ex-partner did this for the first time. After an argument I went to the spare bed saying we’d talk about it in the morning. She came in, turned the light on and insisted I get up and continue being shouted at until she won. When I said no she threatened to call the police. When I said she couldn’t because I was in bed trying to sleep she said “you’ll see what I can do” – those words haunted me for years. She went downstairs and changed her manner from abusive and angry to a poor victim and called the police saying she was being abused. They came out but luckily didn’t take any action as I was calm and explained the situation. Why did I stay? Two young children made me stay and try and work out what was going on with her. But I paid the price, and last year she used the police again when in a rage and that was it for me.
never again says
Recently, with Christmas coming on, I’ve been missing my stepkids and, honestly, my NPD. I’ve been gaslighting myself with thoughts that it wasn’t as bad as I remember it, I should have been stronger, she really did love me, etc., etc.
She only called the police on me once, and it was the deal-breaker. I’m an avid gun-owner, shooter and hunter, and ANY sort of domestic abuse allegations would spell the end of my hobby, not to mention my employment (I work in law-enforcement, though I’m not a cop). The cop who responded to her call phoned me and told me that she felt “threatened” by an e-mail I’d sent her in response to her repeated calls to me in the middle of the night, usually when she was drunk or stoned on 3 times the prescribed dosage of her sleeping pills (she believed that dosage directions were merely “suggestions”). He’d seen the e-mail and knew there was nothing to her complaint. But his clear instructions to me were to “severe all ties”. I didn’t need to be told twice.
This article gave me a HUGE reality check. Sometimes it’s necessary to get whacked upside the head to instill some clarity. Thanks, Dr. T.
“Oh, she was confused and upset and misinterpreted the situation…” Once the damage has been done, the spin always starts.
If the average police are brought in, you’re chances of surviving the situation are grim, at best. I, fortunately, was out of my relationship when she made false allegations for stalking and other claims. If you deal directly with a detective or criminal investigator, it can (I stress “can”) work to your advantage. They are trained for this sort of thing and “have seen it all”. They know when people are lying. For me, it became an empowering occurrence. For the first time, in the whole period, I was able to tell my side of things.
Ironically, I spoke to a guy who had the same thing done to him and the very detective, that dealt with his claims by a woman, was the same guy who spoke with me. They deal with this all the time. But always take precautions and be safe (looking forward to the second half of this article). Never underestimate the influence of these personality types. BPDs have been known to make relationships with police, judges and lawyers to “have at their disposal” when things go south.
I would be very interested in knowing the ratio of restraining orders against woman as to men. I’ve looked but can’t find it. It might just raise some eyebrows. It’s definitely better than it was ten years ago or so.
And, no matter what people say, they KNOW what they are doing when they do these things.
I currently have a protective order against the mother of my three boys for obvious reasons (substance abuse agitating a mental illness and physical assaults). In domestic cases, the woman has to have noticably and documented problems in order for the courts to side with the men. My ex wife only had as best as I can describe a manic-depressive disorder resulting from early childhood paternal rejection and later in adult-hood financial abuse from a married man she dated.
The False Rape Society http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com is the best resources I have found on this topic.
These types of false accusations made by women against men also happen in non-intimate, professional relationships and in cases where men are a minority in a given profession such as males who are nurses, massage therapists, teachers, etc.
I must admit that I have had this happen to me more times than I literally can remember in 18 years. Upon the first call to 911, two older officers realized the situation, but a younger officer showed up and said to me, “You’ll be wondering what her and I are doing when I have your a** in jail won’t you?”
All it took was a second call, even though she had gouged my face with her long nails and I was bleeding, I went to jail for the, (as ashamed as I am), FIRST TIME.
When I got out of jail she begged and pleaded for me to forgive her and not to leave/divorce…(Everytime!) It is all such a long story, but I am so thankful that I found Dr. T, and that after 18 years of rollercoaster-riding and nonsensical madness, I finally broke out of the brain-washing prison camp. I have been NC since February and divorced in September. It is truly a place I will not allow myself to be ever again, not just jail, but a relationship like that! I thank you so, so much Dr. Tara! Gentlemen, BELIEVE THIS ARTICLE!
It is also interesting to note how Cluster B’s will manipulate a situation where they believe there is a possibility that you will call 911 on them. Below are a couple of excerpts from a log I kept.
“17 Aug 2001. (Background: we still hadn’t put away all our stuff from our move last November. Our dining room was storage for several partially unpacked boxes.) While I was kneeling on the floor picking up the kids’ toys, (NPDw) came in holding (D2). We began to argue about why I haven’t contributed more to putting the house in order. She gestured to a large rolled-up strand of Christmas lights and asked me, how hard would it be to put those away? I didn’t have a good answer, except that the daily household chores take precedence. She picked up the roll of lights and hit me about a half-dozen times across the back and neck. Throughout, (NPDw) held (D2) in her other arm. (D2) was bawling and saying, “Dada! Dada!” After (NPDw) stopped, she said to me, “If I have to go to jail, when I get out, I will kill you. I will stab you in the chest until your are dead. Do you understand that?” I said yes, but why would you go to jail? She said that I had welts on my neck. I raised my hand up to feel, and sure enough, there were several good-sized welts on my neck. I think this was the same outburst where she took some of my shirts, put them in the kitchen sink, and poured bleach over them. Later the next day, I vacuumed up tiny bits of glass that had broken off the strand of lights.”
“2 Sep 2001. That night, she went at me verbally. Let me paraphrase the most disturbing part: ‘If we split and you get custody of the kids, I will find you and kill you. No — better yet, I will kill your mother. Even if I am in jail, I will arrange it from the inside. It is not that hard to arrange a hit. What do you think of that? Huh? Huh? Why don’t you go tell (the pastor that married us) that?’ She is saying all this with her face a few inches from mine, like a scene from a bad Hollywood script. I told her I thought she needed help, seeing as she is threatening to kill people.”
It’s all about reaction, attention and control for them. In many ways, they are looking to put people in situations that they will have to react to. They want to be abused back or have someone “ruin their life”. This approves and justifies their behavior through “victimization” and is another beautiful way to get attention from others.
Logging is a great way to deal and helps you in future situations.
never again says
“This approves and justifies their behavior through “victimization” and is another beautiful way to get attention from others.”
After 3.5 years of rejecting me, my NPD was going steady with someone 4 months after I left. The guy was even staying at her parent’s house when he travelled to Calgary!!!
On her dating profile (the same site I had gone on, coincidentally – yeah, right, coincidentally), she suggested that she’d been in an abusive relationship. She told me straight out that she was telling every guy who contacted her how abusive I was.
I figure this served several purposes. Firstly, it was designed to further trash me and my reputation (though none of the guys would know me).
Secondly, it would weed out the guys who wouldn’t be the type who she could manipulate and control. A “normal” guy would probably run from a relationship with a woman who had past “issues”.
Thirdly, it would probably attract the guys she could manipulate and control. The Knight in Shining Armor who is going to rescue this poor, abused woman from her terrible ex-husband. She’d have half her work done for her.
My NPD threatened to call the cops on me last weekend because “I kept looking at her the wrong way”….
new wife says
We recently got an emergency order of protection against my husband’s BPD-ex. She and her friends created quite a stir at a basketball game loudly refusing to return one of their children to my husband who has residential custody after my husband had sent him to say hi and then return. Her friends were yelling at my husband, saying that he was a “batterer,” etc. Other people in the crowd got involved. They even followed us out and made another scene because BPD-ex felt she had the “right” to say goodbye to an extremely upset young child. I guess she thought that “right” trumped the fact that she was exposing her young son to another big scene in which people were yelling that we couldn’t take him. Anyway, we went and got the order. The next week, one of the ex’s friends saw my husband at basketball practice and (we think) sent her 12 year old daughter over to sit alone with him and my young stepson (to “talk” with the stepson). My husband felt that this put him in an extremely vulnerable position and as this girl had been part of the crowd yelling at us, he went over and quietly told the “friend” that she knew there was an order and she was pushing the limits of it and to keep her children away from us. (He did this quietly in order to not make a scene). This “friend” ended up questioning him as he walked away, (“what order?” “Who are you?” “I don’t know what you are talking about!”). She then proceeded to call the police and file a complaint against my husband for disorderly conduct. The policeman told her that she must not know all of the details because judges don’t give protection orders out without cause and that my husband had the right to say what he did. Nothing has come of it so far, but it makes me so mad that my husband would have to deal with a false allegation. Apparently this hasn’t been the first time the police have knocked on his door. His ex has called the police several times claiming he was abusing her just after she had been violent with him… It does help that she confessed her violence and my husband’s non-violence to the marriage counselors they had seen before the divorce and it is now in court records… Hoping the judge will make this order of protection last longer…
Great advice. A threat to call the cops means that she’s thinking about throwing you out and disposing of you. It’s a power trip, she’s the boss and she knows it.
Write a journal, contact a lawyer, carry a recording device and avoid heated arguments. If she gets physical…leave and/or get witnesses.
The biggest problem I’ve found about men is that they are not as willing to give up on their marriage and be proactive about saving their ass.
Very true in my case about being patient w/ the strategical mother of my daughter. But once those annulment papers were processed, I signed them and walked away from the scam of her and the family court judge that supported her manipulations.
I can not overstate the importance of bringing a taping device into court if u need to protect yourself against a bias judge. One instance the judge, a stranger standing next to me, a male stenography during an ex-parte hearing began what I thought was a petition hearing (and one female in the distance). After serveral words the judge asked me if I had anything to say. Cautious as usual I looked to my right at the stranger who was staring nevously straight ahead, then at that moment of silence I could hear my tape in my recorder start to squeak. I began to sweat and my eyes began to water at my possible exposure. Nevously I looked at the stenography as he slowly and nearly undetectibly shook his head as to notify me of a trap. Now I’m doubly nervous at my dilemma and I state “I am here for the love and concern for my daughter”. With that the hearing was ended and I walked out without being detered. One of many of my difficulties with that judge.
A wonderful and truthful article that for me really hits home with the reality I lived with for 19 years. It rings so many bells for me and explains a lot. Thank you so much for writing this article.
For years whenever I tried to refuse a demand or stand up for myself, my wife would threaten to call my immediate boss or my chief executive. I worked in a very responsible job and finally called her bluff on four occasions, so on all four occasions she called my Chief Executive trying to drag him into the argument. It was very embarrassing for me and I eventually left the job as I felt so ashamed my personal life had been dragged before the boss.
She called the police four times on me claiming I had a gun and was going to shoot her. The only ‘weapon’ I had was a BB gun kept with all my other childhood stuff in the garage. I never threatened to use it, but the police came and took it away even though the domestic violence report they filed recorded me as the victim of ‘excessive verbal abuse from female caller who appears mentally unstable’.
Each time the police came I would waiting quietly outside the house and co-operate with them. I was never arrested or charge, with the police recording the call outs as ‘no offence committed by male v female’. I could never figure out why she was calling the police when I wasn’t abusing her, just disagreeing with what she wanted.
My wife claimed she had been sexually abused on six different occasions in the past by other men – some while we were still together. She worked for a construction company in the office and would dress in a very sexy fashion for work. Twice she complained she had been sexually abused by colleagues and demanded I go and confront the alleged offenders. She used to have two different speaking voices – her ‘normal’ voice and a deep sexy voice she used only to address men. I lost count of the number of times men thought she was trying to hit on them and all the problems this caused.
I have a bad funny story…one night my gf actually called the cops while she was having a complete tantrum. While on the phone with the police and telling them how terrible I am, was…she was asked by the police if I had done anything? She said No…then she was asked about what she had done…she admitted she threw something at me. The officer told her to hang up as he had cause to come over and arrest her. and he was going to let her go if she did not call back. It took her three weeks to even tell me this…
By the way Dr. T., both of the photos you used for this piece are excellent. The top one because the woman looks suitably deranged; the bottom one because it’s… kind of hot. Cheers!
Douglas Emberland says
In general, people with Borderline Personality Disorder destroy relationship after relationship of everyone that’s around them. Sometimes it seems, the stronger the emotions of admiration they have towards a person, quickly becomes polarized in the opposite direction of devaluing that same person when the slightest thing goes wrong. What that equates to in the work force is they typically try and get their co-workers fired. Many of them are smokers that have additional substance abuse problems that almost always crosses over into the workplace. Mood wise, they are usually constantly irritable and many of them become obsessed with hate and revenge in the midst of their anger, which they use to their advantage. They can be quite cleaver in fabricating stories of wrongdoing of abuse when going around playing the roll of a victim wherever they go.
The False allegations brought on by people with Borderline Personality Disorder are more common than people realize and is something that very few people understand. However there are entire legal teams that are dedicated in defending people against frivolous and malicious lawsuits brought on by people with the disorder. Some studies suggest that in almost all of the cases where a thorough psychological evaluation was performed on both parties, in the cases where the evidence showed that the allegations were false, almost all (75%) of the falsely accusing plaintiffs were diagnosed with BPD. Ever seen the movies Play Misty for Me or 1987 Fatal Attraction starring Glenn Close?? Both movies depict BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and explains a lot.
Looking back, there was a warning sign prior to her threatening to call the police. The way she treated her “friends”. She would brag about how she had started false rumors about her “friends” in order to get back at them.
But the incident that best highlights the absolute absurdity of police, is still very frustrating for me despite being close to a decade ago. I was home with my infant son when my ex showed up. In her words “You ruined my day, so I’m going to ruin yours.*” She held me hostage in my own house for close to two hours. Cutting all the phone cords so the land line was useless, and hiding my cell phone. It eventually escalated to the point where she was chasing me around with a knife while I fled with my son. A neighbor witnessed it through the window and called police, as I finally escaped and ran from the house. Alone in the house, she used the time to further trash my place and throw items off the balcony.
Police show up, and speak with my ex. She alleges that I was abusing her and my son, and that she was only attempting to get my son away from me in order to protect him. Police of course take her for her word, and without bothering to speak with me or the witness, begin to place me under arrest. This leaves my ex in a bind, as if I go to jail, then she’d be expected to care for “our” son. She talks the police out of pressing charges against me, and the officer reluctantly puts his handcuffs away. With the situation “calmed down” an officer provides my ex a ride home, leaving me to clean up the mess and calm down my son.
What I still can’t wrap my head around, is the complete and utter stupidity of the officers. They believed her, that she attacked me with a knife in order to protect my son from me. Yet, she leaves WITHOUT the child that she was “attempting to protect”. How large does an individuals bias need to be in order to not see that contradiction. It also wasn’t just a single officer. There were four officers there, and not one was able to see how her actions were in complete contradiction to her story.
* Just for clarity. Her day was “ruined” by her date cancelling on her at the last minute. She was bored, and pretending that I deserved it was a way to justify her actions to herself.
My Wife just did this to me and I am devastated, I was away on a three week business trip and she suddenly stopped calling me or answering me, then out of the blue she sends me an email telling me she needed space and she did not know what she wanted anymore, I got home and she asked me if I could stay away for a few nights, I begged and pleaded with her, she said she wanted space and I should stay away for a while, all the signs are there that something is going on, new underwear bagss, changed all the passwords, started hiding her phone. we went to therapy and the therapist suggest I try a few days, after three days I returned home and told her I was not leaving again, she said she was leaving and I said fine, she beagn getting verbally abusive, then went to her car and called the cops and told them I had threatened her, the police came saw nothing wrong and she left, the next evening I was served with a TPO with complete lies, I have never threatened or touched her. I got thrown out of my house with nothing. 7 days later i was in court with the attorney and thought she might not show up, but she did. My attorney handed her attorney divorce papers and the case was dismissed subject to a consent order in the divorce case, including stay away and no contact. My house has been ordered sold, I still do not have my possesions. I had to file for divorce to protect myself as I am a green card holder, but also the grounds were there. I keep wanting to ask the lawyer for mediation so I can talk to her, I miss her and my house, but now she has done this to me I dont know if I can forgive her, my friend said I would have to sleep with one eye open if I ever wnet back.
A day after agreeing to divorce, I sat at the end of the bed speaking to my wife; I hoped we could end on cordial terms.
(It’s over so old arguments no longer matter, now it’s about finding ways to cooperate for our child’s benefit.)
She suddenly kicked my back and started swinging at me wildly. (There was no argument, nothing was said to instigate)
I was taken off guard, it was surreal, I walked out of the room to avoid further conflict.
Hours later, I spoke from the hall and she came out of the room with one hand in the air as if to threaten.
I reminded her it’s illegal and she cannot simply act out this way.
Immediately, she responded with an “evil smirk”, and shouted:
“Go ahead, call the police and see who gets in trouble; you will see what I can do”.
This was creepy, and an immediate sobering shift in perspective.
Instantly, I knew she was correct in thinking the police would believe whatever she opted to fabricate.
I could not risk the impact this would have on custody.
When in the same home, she has license to attack without risk of recourse, unless I installed hidden cameras.
I believe a threat like this is worse than any physical threat.
When physically threatened, a victim (at least a female victim) has some recourse or reasonable expectation of correcting the situation by calling law enforcement.
But,when a woman threatens to lie and manipulate law enforcement as a tool for her aggression, there is no recourse, or hope of correcting the problem.
If children are involved, a man can not leave to avoid false charges, without risking damage to custody proceedings. Leaving the home would likely be considered abandoning the child.
The options are, either to leave and risk your parental rights, or stay and live with constant concern that uniform men with guns could be manipulated to force me out of my own home.
If not for my young son, I’d have moved out on the spot.
I could never imagine behaving this way, and never thought something like this could happen to me.
It’s a nightmare, and a surreal experience.
Months later a lawyer explained, that even if proof existed, a few violent instances was is unlikely to sway a judge in custody proceedings.
The same lawyer told me to avoid ever being alone with her, because even without accusing me of anything, she could claim to feel afraid, and get an automatic restraining order.
I was just slack jawed over the openly unequal treatment, and the lawyer’s apparent ease with letting me know I would not get treated fairly in any way.
In the end, accusations were never made, and I have 1/2 custody.
She really wanted a financial windfall, not parental responsibility, so my parenting time is effectively ~70%.
Unfortunately, the only way to ensure this and protect my son, was to agree to crushing child support.
Now I pay over 30k/yr in just child support, and still pay all my child’s expenses for clothes, toys, medical etc, meals, sports etc.
Dr Tara Palmatier says
Your ex sounds like a real thug.
If you have 70% custody in reality, if not on paper, meticulously document that. Ask your attorney how long that needs to be the status quo (usually 1 – 2 years) before you can petition the court for an official change of custody (and child support) that accurately reflects your situation.
O mg this all happened to me! I was with a woman first couple months like going places she throw a fit if I wanted to go somewhere else. Instead of compromise, I would here her say if you don’t go there I swear I will break up with you so fast. After time passed she asked me to move in, my lease had to be renewed because I couldn’t afford to pay the fee, waited to long to give notice. She started saying may e you should see other people. I said lets not work it out. Then on facebook she started hideing our pictures and I question her so she took me off her friends. I could still veiw her public page as she added exs and I asked about that, we are just friends. A month later eating crabs having a good time, oh I went out to dinner one night with Chris and he came over to see my place. She said nothing happened and since I said from start if you see any of your guy friends the only way I trust being alone is if I meet them first. She said it happened months before and wasn’t a issue. I said then you lied to me, no I didn’t I just told you the truth, I said you lied back then because you only told me you went out with coworkers. She then proceed to just go to her bedroom no answer as I argued and try to sleep. I went in saying why can’t you be honest why do you hide your facebook from me. I left the room and went outside to cry as she thought she did no wrong. Next day woke up she says leave its me that I am the problem I should never argue with her.
Following month she says if we go for counseling we can try to work things out and get back together, I agreed. When we went finally I talked alittle first, then she came in. My ex started to say I just want him to realize that we are just friends and no more and his stalking me on facebook and anger behaviors have to stop. I was upset because I said what did you tell me we come here for if we arent going to work out and be a couple. I gave up friends fine.
After that meeting I was over her house one night I had 2 beers and was cooking chicken on the grill, I saw her texting away on facebook. I said you no that upsets me can you just log off for now. I then said to her can we talk? Can we not work things out and try to be a couple? She lashed out at me saying I told you I never want to talk about this again, I yelled at her said why cant you compromise and work it out. She said , she already did. I said when. She went in the house, chicken was down put it on the counter near a knife. I said again why cant you. She came in pushed the hot chicken and knife toward me off the counter. She then said thats it im calling police I said what. Are you kidding me? Good I will wait outside for them. When they got there she said she just wanted me to go, but said im drunk and I need to goto a hotel. I had 2 beers last one being 30mins from then. The cops tried to force me to get a taxi. I said I just want to go home she is drunk not me. I asked give me a sobriety test they did and saw no reason I couldnt drive.
Moving on made up again as friends had good times. One night over her house she had mold cleaned up I was on the couch woke up to being swollen so bad on every part exposed to the air. I ran out the house went home took benadryl thought may help woke up worse. I had to goto the hospital. I called her saying I have a emergency and you need to contact you landlord because they didnt go about taking care of the mold properly. She stated im not calling anyone. Because of that I had to pay a 700 dollar dr bill, because she wouldnt help report and confirm it. I even had the house tested and it was bad.
From there she got scared and stayed with me a month till they mover her in a new place. She slept next to me every night. The lastnight I saw her she was drinking her vodka and I said why cant we be more, she said why do you think im here. She went on my porch I had one beer and one wine already that night, she had 3 tall vodka pepsi and begin nodding off I put my finger under her chin to raise her head she grabs her chest and screams at me. I wwnt inside wash dishes I said what wrong with you, I thought your here to work things out. Im helping you and you dont care. She says im leaveing I said your drunk your not going anywhere as she tried to pack I took the clothes out. More yelling I went to the kitchen I then heard her on the phone crying. I said if your calling police again im going outside and waiting for them. She said no im not im talking to Terri here talk to her, I was so upset and thought Terri was being told lies I yelled and swore on the phone saying im sick of this treatment she thinks she can do anything and hurt me all the to me I hate it. She then started trying to take the phone from me, I then put it in
my pocket. She still tried to get it then ran out my door I ran after her and I saw police. I came back in and dumped a bottle of alcohol out and the police woman asked me come outside I did. The cops said whats the problem, reply life, what went on here I reply a disagreement. I then said why did she say I hit her because my ex use to try to lie like that? The cop say why, did you hit her? I said no I didnt. Why would you ask that then cop reply? I didnt hit her? I think you did if you are asking me that? I said because I was mad I point said you not gonna come here arrest me for something I didnt do. Cop put your hands behind your back I complied, cop on your knees shorts no socks I tried not fast enough the call resisting comes out, I got kicked down and piled on I couldnt breath inhale or exhale. The kept saying give me my hands. I couldnt so I had to lift 500lbs to breath and give my hands they said I was trying to get away.
After I got the report it said I touched her breast and I took her phone without permission I held her up against a wall to keep her from running and I drank half a bottle I poured out. I heard the police tape recording all I say is true and the report is wrong and she says she never lied. She woukdnt recant but dropped charges and the prosecutor still wanted me for resist without violence. The tape my lawyer said wouldnt help even though what the report is a lie because I sounded really angry on the phone.
Lastly I forgave her after accept probation a month after. She got a new house had issues with that and I helped her financially 2000 dollars this past year which she said she would pay. Goodtimes for a while we even were intimate as friends, wss happy. Oneday my probation was nearing end and I neglected court order to see a anger management and to get checked for alcohol abuse. The ladies both said I need the forms they gave me after I was released mot copies. Well I gave that to her to read never got it back. I said looked all over you must have it. She said no and I said come with me to thing session stand up for me another no. I said I need those paper please get them. She then said get out of my house before I call cops. I left and kept emailing her . Next day come over I found your papers and get out of my life. I said you said you disnt have them, she said you should thank me for doing you a favor. Again all over. Now I ask about things of mine there and money she owes which I know both of us have no time for court. Because she always ignores a question like when can I get my stuff and when you gonna pay? She proceeds to say you keep contacting me I will get a restraining order and ruin your life more. Then her mom calls me keep in mind my ex is 45 yrs old, her mom says after my ex already said she pay my question has been when. Her mom says just cut your loses! Im cutting anything I dont give things away like that. Then she starts restraining order bit, I said I will sue. If she cant be peaceful or be a friend and stop the me thing I will. Her mom said what will it take to let go of the money, I said I wouldnt be so harsh if all this stops. After I completed my probation there is nothing left to fight over. Alot more to tell its drained my heart I do care and thats my problem. I remember the good.