Radio: Thinking with the Big Head Instead of the Lower Brain

Please join us Monday, April 9, 2012 at 8pm EST when Paul Elam and I will discuss the merits of thinking with the big head instead of the “little head” and lower brain. Too many otherwise intelligent men get themselves into trouble by choosing romantic partners based solely upon physical attraction and/or sabotage potentially good relationships or stay in bad ones out of fear. Here is the show page on blogtalkradio.

Physical attraction is important, but if what lies beneath the surface is ugly and incredibly damaged, you’re not using your big head. If you sacrifice your self-respect and integrity to please a woman, you’re using your little head. If you sacrifice your self-respect and integrity because you believe you can’t live without some woman, you’re using your lower or “reptilian” brain because you’re allowing fear to guide your behavior.

We’ll also discuss how to engage both your reason and emotion in your relationships with women. Reason and emotion do not have to be antagonists and making proper use of both is one path toward having more satisfying relationships.

As always, the phone lines will be open, so if you have a story about allowing your little head or lower brain to do the thinking for you or how you’ve been able to get your self-respect in alignment with what you will and will not tolerate in a partner, give us a call at +1 310 388 9709.

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

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  1. LT Greenwald says

    I already don’t like the premise to this show. It reenforces the stupid stereotype that guys can’t keep their penis’s in their pants. In my experience, that theory is a pure feminist contruction. And it’s used to paint men as dirty apes, neanderthals. It’s a lie, like so much of the other bullshit in our society.

    I was unhappily married for 2+ years and never once considered cheating on my wife. Most of my male friends are the same way. One friend who cheated on his wife did it because he was miserable at home — then he told her about it — she will make him pay for the rest of his natural life.

    My experience in the military has taught me that infidelity is a problem shared equally by both sexes.

    The bottom line, I think, is that men need to think with both heads. There’s nothing wrong with pleasure-seeking as long as you take proper precautions — wear a condom and don’t get married!

    • Dr Tara J. Palmatier says

      Hi LT Greenwald,

      We address the feminist shame factor and encourage using reason rather than acting out of fear or sacrificing one’s self-respect for a roll in the hay/relationship with an attractive, but cruel, opportunistic, crazy woman.

      We also encourage men and women to make important choices using intellect and reason. Yes, consider your emotions, but don’t let them rule the day.

      • chester says

        The “premise” of the show is dead on and much needed. 17 years ago, I was so dazzled by the beauty and sexuality that I ignored all red flags. I’m lucky to be alive….she damn near destroyed me…all because I let the little head-run my life.

        • LT Greenwald says

          Okay, perhaps I got a little carried away. :)

          I’ve just started to become sensitive to the use of shaming language directed towards men in our society. I see it everywhere! And this notion that men are held hostage by their penis’s falls in line with that language.

          I think the real challenge is to isolate what’s really going on… is it just sex that you want? Or is it something more? If it’s really just sex, then don’t worry about it. But if you’re expecting your one-night stand to turn into a magical princess, then you’re delusional.

          Sorry for the over-reaction! :)

  2. Booty-J says

    Dr T- I have a question that kinda relates to this. So the other day I was telling my fiance about your previous article about putting women on pedestals, he then asked if I had ever listen to Tom Leykis, now I for some reason had never heard of the guy before, looked him up,not gonna get into what I think (OK, he is kinda an ass but he does make some valid points), one of his “rules”, Condom, every time, now matter what. I am in 100% full agreement with that, but I want to add my feelings if you dont, my belief is that if a man choses to have unprotected sex with a woman, the second his semen leaves his body and enters a woman he is responsible for what ever the out come of that might be. I dont care how many times I hear “she tricked me, she said she was on the pill, she said she was steril, etc”. Men need to always take the fullest responsibility they can, every time. Woman are lying, deciteful creatures (and I am a woman saying that). You make a choice to “stick you dick in crazy” and you need to be prepared to except any and all consequences that come with that.
    Now, my question to you Dr T, as much as I consider myself a very unfemi-nazi, does my belief like that make me a femi-nazi?

    • Dr Tara J. Palmatier says

      First, hello and welcome to S4M, Booty-J.

      Second, I don’t use the term feminazi. I think it’s kinda silly. Radical feminists are hate ideologues, which is no laughing matter.

      Third, I didn’t know who Tom Leykis is either until very recently. He’s an outspoken radio host/personality and that is the depth of my knowledge.

      Fourth, I agree that a man should take responsibility of his semen and if he does not want a child with a sex partner, he should not trust her to practice birth control. Period. He should not let her have access to his condoms before the act and he should dispose of the condom himself after the act. As for women who deliberately try to entrap a man, I think a man should be allowed to a) waive his parental rights and any financial obligation to the woman or b) state that he wishes to accept parental responsibility and receive 50/50 physical custody — no “tender years” BS. Furthermore, that should not obligate the man to pay CS. He can pay for what the child needs during the half time the child spends with him and the woman can pay for the child’s needs during her time. Your time, your dime.

      If trapping a man into fatherhood stops being a lottery ticket for some women perhaps they’ll stop bringing unwanted children into the world and stop using children as their paychecks. Lying about being on birth control is fraud and creating a life without the sperm donor’s permission is theft of the worst kind. If the woman can’t afford to care for the child and the man is willing and able to take full custody and financial responsibility then that is what should happen. If the woman can’t afford to be a mommy on her own then she shouldn’t become pregnant by a man who has no interest in committing to her and/or in being a father. If the woman can’t financially support the child and the man doesn’t want to be a father, then the child should be put up for adoption. I wish family court would quit rewarding and enabling women who perpetrate what I believe is a criminal act.

      Fifth, why should men be held to a higher level of responsibility than women in this matter? Especially when a woman who knowingly and purposefully makes a man a father against his will is being not only deceitful and supremely irresponsible, but, I would argue, engaging in fraud of the highest order? It’s just another example of our our society and court system holds women to a different standard than men and that’s not equality.

  3. Booty-J says

    Thanks Dr T – I guess in my mind, I think that guys should be smart enough to protect themselves at all times and not even let thier guard down long enough to become the victim of fraud, does that make sense? I guess as with any topic on this website though, hindsight is 20/20.

  4. says

    Hey Dr. T and Dr. P. I listened to the radio show again and I actually have a better answer for one of your questions. You asked me if the red pill would be enough to help young men avoid the trouble their little heads get them into.

    Teenage boys and young men in there early twenties are hard to get through to. At least the majority of them. I doubt if many of them even frequent sites like this one and AVFM.

    But luckily a lot of fathers do frequent these sites, like myself. So as long as the red pill is enough for us, I image we will pass the message on to our children. I certainly plan to teach my three boys about this right before they hit puberty.

    I already attempted to teach them real world lessons. However sometimes it’s difficult. My boys are ages 5, 7, and 8. And I didn’t realize how difficult it was to explain certain things until I tried to explain to these three boys how Jobs, money, and bills work. Of course they know people work and need money to buy things but I went a little more in dept.

    I tried to explain to them the difference between a 40 hour work week for a factory worker and a 40 hour work week for a Physicians Assistant. Unfortunately they’re too young to fully grasp the difference between making $1,200 a month as $10,000 a month, but I told them anyway.

    And trust and believe the red pill is gonna be just as difficult for me to translate into children’s language but I’m gonna give it a try. I figure I’ll save it for when I hear the first mention of a girlfriend, which I imagine will be soon.

    I figure it will sink in. I remember a lot of things when I was a child. I didn’t understand them until I got older, but I remember the lesson none the less.

    So yes. I think the red pill is more than enough as long as fathers who frequent these sites decide to actively teach their boys about the dangers of thinking with their little heads.

    God knows I wish someone would have taught me.

  5. amoeba says

    I’m 25 and single. I dated two extremely abusive feminists who nearly ruined me. I have been checking out websites on domestic abuse and narcissistic personalities for the past five or six years. This is THE BEST site by a mile. I’m not just saying that. Thanks for putting things into perspective and helping me think with my bigger head.

  6. cuatezon says

    Hi. I hesitate to rebutt another’s comments here yet feel compelled to do so. Booty J doesn’t understand the issues men are facing and seems to subtlely reinforce a belief that women are intrinsically less responsible for sex/pregnancy than men. I believe Dr. T’s reply was spot-on w/ the 50% custody & your time your dime. Common sense.

    First, men AND women shouldn’t be having unprotected sex. It can lead to STDs, some of them untreatable and even lethal. Women should be protecting themselves from STDS not just pregnancy and insisting on condoms OFTEN prevents both.

    Second, condoms are not a 100% guarantee against STDs or pregnancy. Either or both can still occur using condoms (even if there is no sabotaging of the condom by the woman).

    Third, the ‘assumption’ guys should be smart enough not to be a victim of fraud. This is a disturbing comment. It is blaming the victim. When we blame women for being in the wrong place at the wrong time when rape occurs, its unacceptable (e.g., she was drinking at a frat party, so its her fault for getting raped). Regardless of what a man does or doesn’t do, its no excuse for another to behave unethically/immorally/illegally.

    I believe this is where we still need to educate the population, change attitudes and perceptions, and deal with reality. Years ago if a woman was raped in a dark alley, or after drinking, or b/c she was wearing provocative clothing, the general assumption was ‘she was asking for it’. Today we know this was not right. Likewise, men having sex and the couple getting pregnant TOGETHER (it is two people making a baby), does not mean men should be held to a higher level of financial, physical, or emotional responsibility than women. Fair is fair, equality means just that. Thanks.

    • Dr Tara J. Palmatier says

      Hi cuatezon,

      Sociopaths think their victims “deserve” what they get when they fall for one of their scams. Like when Bernie Madoff infamously said, “F— my victims.”

      You’re right. The assumption that men should be smart enough not to become victims of fraud is victim blaming. In many cases, the sex partners are not random strangers, but women who they love and trust. So should we argue that men are stupid for trusting women?

      • cuatezon says

        Thanks Dr. T. Good question. Men aren’t stupid for trusting women; we’re just human. The crux of this topic is that men are not as socially supporting of each other as women are. So when a man is victimized physically, financially, emotionally, or legally, society (both men & women) do not support the man but rather add insult to injury by criticizing him for being gullible or weak. “He should have known better he was asking for it…”. See previous comments on rape above. Emasculation sets in.

        In addition, it is not socially acceptable for a man to claim victimhood especially at the hands of a woman; its a sign of weakness (as a man I kinda hesitate to go into male victimhood but its an epidemic that should be addressed). Being perceived as weak and an easy target is something that men despise b/c we are supposed to be strong & resilient. On the other hand, women victims are readily accepted, believed, and supported. Yet another rigged game against men.

  7. chrispunch says

    Hey Dr. T
    I have an unrelated comment. It is to say THANKS for doing the work that you do. Your website is a great resource for those in abusive relationships. Your article 10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife is an Emotional Bully helped me realize i was being emotionally abused and take steps to seek counseling and eventually leave my wife. I’ve been following for a time and hope to add something of benefit in the future to anyone who feels they may be in an abusive relationship.
    Thanks again for all you do.

  8. cuatezon says

    Chris you beat me to the punch (no pun intended but worked out that way). I was going to post something thanking Dr. T and the other contributors. Its been an emotionally salvaging experience reading & learning from this site…the support & affirmation so crucial b/c its a very lonely world out there for many men b/c of how the legal, mental health, and other institutions are instrinsically hostile towards men and basically major invalidators of men, our emotions and our experiences. Kudos to Dr. T and her unwavering, uncompromising support and insight.

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