Couples therapy with narcissists and borderlines can be tricky. It can also worsen problems if the couples therapist doesn’t understand the underlying issues. Namely, an undiagnosed personality disorder(s), codependency and/or trauma bonding. Ideally, couples therapy can be a fruitful endeavor when two adults equally commit to improve themselves, their relationship and grow together.
Couples therapy with a partner you suspect has a narcissistic or borderline personality disorder is fraught with potential hazards. Therefore, it’s important to choose a therapist who understands abuse. Specifically, that men comprise approximately 50% of domestic partner abuse victims. It’s also important a therapist have an understanding of character disorders and how they operate. Otherwise, couples therapy becomes another a theater of blame in which problems are enabled, prolonged or worsened, rather than resolved. And the therapist, wittingly or unwittingly, becomes a facilitator of abuse.
Couples therapy with narcissists or borderlines requires that you do your due diligence. Namely, understanding what you’re the psychological limitations of NPDs/BPDs and setting realistic goals. Bottom line, people with borderline and narcissistic personalities lack the psychological capacity necessary to engage in mutually beneficial couples therapy. Ideally, I recommend not attempting couples counseling until they’ve done some individual work first and have some awareness of their issues. Even then, it likely won’t help.
Hope this is helpful!