In case there’s any doubt, it’s not normal for parents to be dismayed that someone would want to date or marry their daughter or son. Were your future in-laws surprised, confused, grateful and relieved you wanted to marry their child? If you didn’t understand it at the time, do you understand now?
If any potential bride or groom’s parents seem dismayed that you want to marry their offspring, pay attention. Be especially alarmed if they make comments like you must be a “really patient person” or “very strong person” if you’re willing to legally bind yourself to them. It likely means mother-in-law and father-in-law know what a “handful” (to be polite) their adult child is.
Also be concerned if your future in-laws say things like:
- “She/he’s always been this way.”
- “You better have a good job. Our little princess gets the best.”
- “Just ignore her/him when they act that way. That’s what we do.”
- “We just wait it out and eventually she/he calms down.”
- “She/he’s just like their mom/dad. You get used to it.”
- “You don’t turn your back on family.” (*Uh, yes you do if they’re destructive, toxic and abusive).
Did your in-laws give make warning statements that you ignored? If so, what were they?
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to email@example.com.
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