Hi Everyone,
Just a reminder that Shrink4Men Radio will go live at 9pm EST tonight. The topic is Sexless Marriages. The phone lines will be open 310 388 9709. Hope you can make it!
Best,
Dr T
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Wow Dr. T. That was awesome. So many things that you said were so spot on. Like “being Lucied”, and that (paraphrasing badly) adult children are incapable of the intimacy and maturity of adult relationships.
I lived through 20 year marriage of the go away / come here game. It started before we married… in fact, it started when I asked her to marry me. I knew that it was wrong but kept thinking “well, I need to fix this” and “I need to fix that”. Nonsense. Counseling was no help. Obvious clinical issues (enmeshment with her mother, co-dependence on my part to her, etc.) were never put on the table. It all finally came apart when I said “something has to change and soon”. I went off to once and for all deal with my issues. She dug up an old married boyfriend, started and affair, continued over the objections and eventual suicide (2 years ago) of the boyfriend’s wife. I found out a couple of months later, but only in the midst of an incredible web of lies including cover story text messages from my (now) ex’s female friends. The story actually get’s worse from there.
I am so glad all of that is over. I’ve healed a lot but your words have brought a clarity that is priceless. I’ve also learned that my vulnerabilities, my need for intimacy denied in childhood, is like a bleeding wound in shark infested waters. It attracts this kind and I must be ever vigilant against them. Best of all… I can finally walk away without feeling abandoned and terrified. Looking forward to next week’s show.
To any man in a controlling / abusive relationship… I say this… get help… get good professional help and then… get out. You can not help your children if you don’t help yourself.