May 10, 2011Reminder: Dr Tara Will Be on AVfM Radio at 9pm EST Here’s the link: AVoiceforMen Radio and the call-in number: +1 310 388 9709. Hope you can make it! Dr T Share this:EmailPrintTwitterFacebook
I second Paul about getting your own show together. Do it 😉
Closure at last says
B Experienced says
Very nice show Dr. T!
Dr Tara Palmatier says
Thanks, B, Closure and Thomas. I very much appreciate your support. I hope you’ll call in next time I’m on the program.
I enjoyed the show.
I love that you are working on getting your own show! What an even greater difference you can make! I’m sensing a ripple effect.
You said something on the program that gave me a lightbulb moment. You said that because abusive / Cluster B women identify with being a victim so strongly, they will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay in that role, at any costs.
My lightbulb: That’s why his being nice and good to her pisses her off so much. When he’s being a nice man (the kind she claimed she wanted), it does not allow her to be a victim. Therefore, she responds with hatefulness so that he lashes out or walks away, then she can keep seeing herself as a victim. He HAS to be an abuser in order for her to stay a Victim.
Wow…that brought so much clarity for me. That makes so much sense.
I had just been thinking (of mother figure (MF…ahem!) and supervisor. Supervisor enjoys bringing her subordinates to tears, then the next day, or soon thereafter, smiling and waving at them (with witnesses present), and in a real sick sweet tone (like seeing your best friend after 10 years), “Hi! How are you!” When she and MF are like that, is when I am the most infuriated. I never understood how AXH could be so hateful and cruel one night, then wake up the next day, chipper as a little robin, “Good morning!” ugh!
And then I remembered something I’d read about NPDs; they don’t really know how to internalize what truly being nice, sincere, giving, kind, compassionate, empathetic is, so they watch others and ‘play’ that part. It’s kind of like watching a homebuilding show, then thinking you can build your own house…all by yourself. They don’t know what it feels like to want to give to others…they only know what it looks like. That’s why they are so over-the-top fake when they are being ‘nice.’
I suppose they are doing the best they know how (??) but it’s not real. The only real part of who they are is the angry, hateful, cruel abusiver.
One more thing. The person who wrote that about NPD said that they are not ‘being’ (nice, kind, sweet, giving, etc.), but rather they are portraying it.
As though they have studied a part in a play and are trying to play the part…but eventually, the curtain goes down, the make-up and costumes are replaced by street clothes, and the audience goes home. Only, NPD’s don’t know they were ever on a stage in the first place.
Your lightbulb thought is a very insightful, TheGirlInside.
Thank you for sharing this.