Dear Shrink4Men Community Members,
I’m writing this post today to ask you for your help. I’m in need of donations to help me build a fighting fund. What am I fighting? I’m fighting to protect myself from malicious cyber-bullies who mounted a smear campaign against me last year with the sole purpose of maligning and harming the Shrink4Men website and forum.
Shrink4Men is a resource I provide for free to help men in abusive relationships and the people who care about them. Many male targets don’t have anywhere else to go for the kind of information I provide. I feel weird about passing the hat, but it is standard practice for bloggers and the time has come.
Last summer, I published an article that drew the attention and ire of a UK group who identified themselves as having Borderline Personality Disorder (and other maladies) and two individuals who claim to be registered mental nurses in the NHS system (UK health system) who act as the group’s ringleaders.
These individuals took offense to the aforementioned article because it stated that many individuals with Cluster B personality traits/diagnoses exhibit sociopathy. They attacked my site with inflammatory comments, name-calling and other attempts to incite conflict. To stop their feeding frenzy and false claims of victimization (projection), I locked the article down after 24 hours of their shenanigans, but it did not stop there.
Instead, they moved their attacks and malicious disparagement of me to their hub website, Twitter feeds, Facebook profiles and several of their individual blogs. They persisted in their attacks from August 18, 2010 until mid-October 2010.
During this time, they produced a lurid, sexually violent video in which they superimposed an image of me taken from my blog, pornographic wrestling footage, scenes from the movie “Carrie” and other bizarre images. They uploaded copies of it to YouTube, Vimeo and other video sharing sites. I was able to have the video removed for policy violations (i.e., because it was a form of cyber-bullying) on YouTube, Vimeo et al. They then posted the video on their websites and blogs, and created several “mock websites” using my name, my photo and the Shrink4Men title.
The sole purpose of their attacks was to destroy Shrink4Men’s Google search ranking so that other male victims in abusive relationships would not be able to find the Shrink4Men website. Their goal was to deny male victims of abuse information and support. They took particular offense at my advice that men end their relationships with abusive partners. Heaven forbid a male victim escape a female abuser. They explicitly stated this in their malicious rantings.
Furthermore, they didn’t have the courage to attack me using their real identities. Instead, they cravenly hid behind the anonymity of the Internet and would have continued to do so had I not had the good fortune to find Mr Peter Adediran.
In order to protect myself and my website, I searched for UK-based solicitors who handle cyber harassment cases, which led me to Mr Peter Adediran’s law firm. As luck would have it, I needed to be in London late last September for business reasons and was able to meet with Mr Adediran while I was there. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to Mr Adediran for his assistance and dogged determination to protect my human rights.
Mr Adediran quickly set out to establish the identity of my attackers by contacting the domain name registrar and the website host provider. Although the details of the domain name registrant were withheld as private, the information was released under the exceptions to the data protection act and the relevant clauses in the domain name registrar’s contract.
Mr Adediran contacted the domain name registrant, but the information given to the registrar and to the website host provider proved to be false. Mr Adediran obtained the IP address of the account holder of the website and an Order from the Mayor & City of London County Court for the release of the details of the registrant from the Internet Service Provider.
However, in order to run this case, I must issue it in Scotland, not England, and will need to instruct a barrister as well as a solicitor. The registrant has retained a very large well-known firm of solicitors with substantial resources. I can’t afford the legal fees to continue to fight for my right to be protected from abusive and degrading treatment pursuant to my human rights guaranteed by the law. I do my best to “walk the walk” in that I encourage men and women who follow my website not to tolerate abuse, harassment and bullying. I won’t tolerate it either, which is why I need your help now.
If you find the information and other resources I provide on my site valuable and believe these resources should be freely available to other men and women with abusive partners, I ask you to please contribute to the Shrink4Men fighting fund, so I can prove that freedom of expression is limited and does not supersede the rights of others not to be abused and degraded. The police do not seem able to devote the time and resources necessary for solving the problem, so law-abiding citizens have to go through a very expensive and technical process to protect their human rights. If I can win and publicize this case it will not only help me to keep my blog going, it will help to send a message to cyber-bullies that they are not above the law.
Please email [email protected] for a business address to send checks or money orders vial post mail.
Thank You,
Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Photo credit:
Dr. T,
Philosophically, I can’t agree with your statement “so I can prove that freedom of expression is limited and does not supersede the rights of others not to be abused and degraded”. The US Supreme Court agrees, just one month ago, with respect to the Westboro Baptist Church: http://usgovinfo.about.com/b/2011/03/02/supreme-court-rules-for-westboro-baptist-church.htm
Having said that, the Westboro kooks are stating an opinion related to an ideal. They are not targetting individuals, though they are using the unfortunate deaths and funerals of individuals as their platform.
This is different, in that the kooks in this case are going after you, personally, and this site, by extension.
Donation on the way.
Hi never again,
I disagree with you and the US Supreme Court, respectfully. Too many people think they can spew whatever crazy bile and falsehoods they want and harass and terrorize others and call it freedom of speech. Were the teens and mother in the Megan Meier case (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3882520&page=1) exercising freedom of speech? What about the Phoebe Prince (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/girls-teen-suicide-calls-attention-cyberbullying/story?id=9685026) and Alexis Pilkington (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/03/29/earlyshow/main6343077.shtml) cases? Were the teens involved exercising their “freedom of speech” when they harassed and maligned these girls into committing suicide?
People should be free to express their differences of opinion, but they have no right to try to destroy another person, their reputation and their livelihood just because they disagree with them. I’m not a pedophile. I’m not a murderer. I write a blog that helps men identify signs and symptoms of abuse and tell men that they don’t have to tolerate abuse in their lives, even if their abuser is a woman and even if their abuser is a woman with a personality disorder. Yes, I must be stopped.
By the way, I’m not the first person these people in the UK have targeted. When I reviewed their main site last year, they appeared to have a history of going after others in a similarly malicious fashion. I actually received an email of support last year from a UK-based psychologist who had also been in their crosshairs.
They knew full-well what they were doing and even made “jokes” in their comment threads that “if [I] was reading [their] antics” they were “just joking” in case I decided to sue them. I guess they thought I wouldn’t be able to go after them from the US; they were wrong. As to “if” I was reading/watching the materials they posted, one of the co-defendants made sure I knew what they were doing to me. He sent me links to their attacks on a weekly basis complete with sexual innuendos and verbal threats. They wanted me to see their attacks, which is not about stating a difference of opinion; it’s about deliberately trying to inflict harm. Is that freedom of speech? Is a BPD smear campaign freedom of speech? I don’t think so.
Dr. T,
Not to debate this unnecessarily, but I fully understand the distinction between what the SC decided and what you’re looking to do (the SC didn’t vacate the slander/libel laws). These kooks targetted you, personally. It’s cyberbullying, it’s libellous, it’s deluded, harmful and just plain wrong. And having recently been on the receiving end of a libellous/slanderous campaign by an obvious NPD (and not even the one I was married to! – it’s related to my work), I can appreciate how you feel.
I just felt that your statement was overly broad. Other than that, you have my full support.
Thanks, never again. I’m by no means a legal expert, so perhaps my phrasing should be more specific. It just ticks me off when bullies and professional victims attack others and then pretend they’re exercising their freedom of speech.
Here’s my learned, if not legal wording:
It’s a free country
People are free to say libelous things
And people so libeled are free to sue the bejesus out of those spewing libel
As they say: cure for bad speech = more speech, and sometimes a giant lawsuit and public exposure of an anonymous libel troll
A genuine legal/political/first-amendment issue that has not been “settled” is at the intersection of libel and anonymity.
Libel itself is not protected speech.
The fact that one “settled” point of law is that we have the term, “protected speech” should be enough to inform anyone that all speech is not protected.
Libel, by itself, is already suspect and subject to censure.
Anonymous libel – especially the internet variety – wide open questions here and anyone who thinks it is protected would be well advised not to test their legal theory. 1st Amendment Fundamentalists, coif your arrows and pay attention a bit before letting loose. You may feel differently after someone libels you on the internet, then hides behind a cloak of invisibility.
Never Again,
There are certain limits to free speech. For example, you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater. If anyone’s free speech rights are being violated in the cyber bullying scenario, Dr. T’s are. She published an opinion unpopular with some of the folks with BPD. And instead of merely disagreeing with it, they’re harassing her (altering the photos, continuing unwanted/unwelcome communication with her, etc.).
That could have a chilling effect on Dr. T’s right to free speech. I think we can agree that as people who have experienced abuse by people with Personality Disorders, there needs to be more awareness and discussion of abuse by people with PDs, not less. It’s like the old saying, “your right to swing your arms around ends where my right not to be hit starts.”
To be clear: I am not in any way suggesting that Dr. T does not have the right to, or should not do whatever she can to obtain a judgement against these (alleged) 😉 vile individuals. If what she alleges can be proven, then I hope the perpetrators pay dearly for it. Bullies should be called out and shamed for their behavior.
The only issue I raised was wrt her comment that I quoted above. She appears to understand my concerns with respect to that comment.
Beyond that, I wholeheartedly support her, and have spoken with my pocketbook.
I understand vocalizing that you disagree with someone’s opinion – but to spend so much effort trying to do them damage due to that difference… that’s borderline. Of course, it’s a support group for borderlines and two nurses that think they know more than a Psy.D. Go figure…
I would also just like to add that attacking for destructive reasons and hiding your identity seems pretty anti-social (sociopathic) to me. I mean, if they really cared to make their point, why hide their identity? Because they don’t care who they hurt (remorseless) and they won’t own up to their behavior (blaming others). Could it be they proved your point that they so radically disagreed with (that some Borderlines exhibit anti-social personality disorder traits)?
In this case, while you are definitely a victim, your clients who have very few places to go for help besides you, are also victims.
I wish you luck.
Amen.
Talk about beyond satire. And completely unaware of how they are beyond satire to boot I’m sure.
Donations on the way. Expect them on a monthly basis.
Thank you, D. While I appreciate the irony, well, you know.
I also sincerely appreciate your contribution. Thank you.
Hi SFG,
It’s been my experience that the people who have the biggest problem with the information I provide aren’t upset by the inaccuracy of it, but because it hits too close too home. If my material makes someone angry, I’m not their problem. Their biggest problem is probably staring them in the mirror everyday.
Yeah, what they’re doing is a perfect demonstration of everything that you talk about here. I will write you this evening to get an address. Also, you should set up a Paypal account for people to donate to.
Donated.
“These individuals took offense to the aforementioned article because it stated that many individuals with Cluster B personality traits/diagnoses exhibit sociopathy. They attacked my site with inflammatory comments, name-calling and other attempts to incite conflict.”
They certainly take NABALT (Not All Borderlines Are Like That) to a level of cognitive dissonance that can warp the fabric of space and time.
tb, they’ll probably invoke the “IDWIDI” defense. “It’s Different When I Do It”
lol
Funny, TB, and thank you for the donation. We still have a ways to go, however. What I’ve received so far will cover about an hour of an attorney’s time. Even so, I am extremely grateful and indebted to those of you who have already contributed.
With Gratitude,
Dr Tara
What’s so sad is the fact they KNOW that they are the way they are (which in and of itself is a huge leap for a BPD/NPD) but to be willful and wanton says to me they are criminally negligent. The simple fact they have banded together says they are aware of what they are doing and cannot shield themselves with the defense of “BPD’s can’t empathize therefore they can’t realize the damage they are doing.”
What a shock, they are nurses…
Donation on the way.
I agree, Jaydee, which is why I chose to pursue this case. I already have the identity of one of my attackers. I will get the other three identities.
Thank you very much for contributing, Jaydee. I truly appreciate it. I struggled a lot with posting this story and my request for help, but I think it’s the right thing to do.
Wow – I was not aware of the videos and the rest of the campaign, had only seen their awful comments on the board last year…what a vicious deluded bunch! As for their denial that the brain functioning of BPD is similar to that in sociopaths – puh-lease! Even neuroscience and brain scans have proven that the same lack of the empathy-connection in the brain seen in sociopaths is found in Cluster Bs. Even when the evidence is there full force, they have to deny the truth.
Systems engineer and author/professor Barbara Oakley in her book ‘Evil Genes: Why Rome fell, Hitler Rose, Enron failed and my sister stole my brother’s boyfriend’ proves beyond doubt complete with hard science fMRI evidence the pathological problems with Cluster Bs. Her book received accolades from real scientists yet some in the therapy/psychology field ganged up on her and a woman BPD on amazon went crazy with projection.
As for nurses doing this – no surprise. Four of the cruelest and self-deluded people I met in life on a personal level were two women MSW ‘counselling therapists’ and two male psychiatrists – one of the latter who even confessed that he liked “working in maximum security prisons amongst psychopaths because” he “thought like a criminal too.” Great.
The smear campaign they have done against S4M – one of the most healing and rational sites in cyberspace is pure injustice. plain and simple. And I’d like to say to those bullying ’emotional reasoning’ feelers – get off the internet – yes the internet that rational logical analytical thinking engineers make possible. Operating systems that work on FACTS, logic, reality and not ‘wishes’ and ‘delusions’.
I am sorry you had to face so much for speaking the TRUTH (it brings a steely anger inside me) and thank you Dr. Tara for still going on and staying strong. And those bullies who think S4M caters only to men, no – it helps nice girls too – who bore the collateral damage of these vicious women too.
Another proof (from the blog of a neuroscientist and a former Harvard cognitive psychology fMRI researcher) just how messed up the brains of Cluster Bs are and how no amount of ‘love’ including oxytocin (the love drug) sadly can’t cure it, rather incites them to act out even more :
http://neuropoly.com/2011/03/11/326/
The FACTS are out on the similarity of the brain wiring between Cluster B and sociopathy, they are really stupid/vicious to attack a therapist who spoke the truth. I mean Oakley in her book has repeatedly said that Hitler, Stalin, Mao all had borderline personality disorder (and has named many women in history too) with tons and tons and tons of proof. Hard solid proof.
Thank you Dr. T again for what you have provided. Donation on the way..
oops! errata ‘the Oakley book’s title at the end is “…Hitler Rose, Enron failed and my sister stole my mother’s boyfriend.”
Thank you for your continued support, Closure at Last. It means a lot.
Whatever comes in, spend a little of it on yourself. You’ve earned it!
Whatever’s left over, that is, if I raise enough to continue the fight, will go to paying webhosting fees, etc. Thanks, Mellaril.
I second all the Closure at last has said (cept I haven’t read that book)…but did happen to Catch “Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room” and within a few minutes, figures Skilling and Lay for narcissists – take what you can, hang the consequences, and take zero responsibility, feigning ignorance.
So sorry you have to deal with all that, Dr. Tara. I will be contacting the email add and sending whatever meager check I can. Best to you in your fight and I’m proud of you for being a woman of character who will stand up and fight for justice.
The somewhat humorous part is that their very denial, hiding behind cyber-identities, vicious attacks and outrageous video (which though I haven’t seen it and wouldn’t want to – sounds like it makes no sense at all), they are merely proving you correct.
The sad thing is, they are probably funded by their divorce settlement / husbands who are still working their butts off trying to please them while they are out with boyfriends who probably also pay their way.
While my psychology schooling is limited to an undergrad minor (something I regret – that I didn’t double major and go on to study criminal psych…ah well!), I have had a lifelong interest, and I will stand by my belief that on the scale of sociopathology, it goes: Histrionic, then to Borderline, then to Narcissistic, then to antisocial / sociopath.
They are all missing the ’empathy chip’ as I think numerous studies have shown (and they continually prove).
((((((((((((((Dr. T))))))))))))))) Hang in there.
Warning: Biblical reference ahead (delete if it offends, but I find it fitting for both yourself and those not quite ready to accept they are being abused–like the one I pray for).
Ephesians 5: 11-15 “Take no part in unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what such people do secretly; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says, ‘Sleeper, awake! Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you’.”
God Bless,
“The somewhat humorous part is that their very denial, hiding behind cyber-identities, vicious attacks and outrageous video (which though I haven’t seen it and wouldn’t want to – sounds like it makes no sense at all), they are merely proving you correct.”
Very accurate, TGI. It was like visual word salad.
“The sad thing is, they are probably funded by their divorce settlement / husbands who are still working their butts off trying to please them while they are out with boyfriends who probably also pay their way.”
Actually, the two ringleaders who claim to be mental nurses are men. The two other individuals involved in my claim are a woman who identifies herself as having BPD and various other disorders and a male who identifies himself as having Asperger’s. I have several theories regarding the interpersonal dynamics of this group, but I won’t speculate here nor do I wish others here to do so.
I agree with your statement re: missing an empathy chip when empathy is directed at anyone other than themselves.
Dear Dr Tara. In the bible there are verses that tell Christians to rejoice when they are persecuted,put down and slandered.The abuse only means that the message is getting out there and making an impact. Christians speak from a solid,firm foundation of strength.
You speak from a solid,firm foundation of strength.The people who want to keep these facts from everyone,are taking it way to far……they must be caught and stopped.Nobody is going to hurt my favorite Dr.Tara.
I stand by you 100 percent.
Wish I could send more, I’ll send what I can. It sucks that you have to go through this.
I don’t understand how being abusive and angry all the time will prove their point about not being sociopathic? I’ll send what I can.
Your donation is on the way – btw I hope you have considered a very public “outing” of these individuals.
Donated. I wish it could be more though! (I hear you, exscapegoat, share your sentiments.)
The work Dr. T does is a blessing and her site and forum has been my consistent voice of reason through a hellish dissolution to my marriage and my ongoing journey into co-parenting with a troubled, narcissistic woman. Thank you Dr. T!
Donated.
Good luck.
Forgive me if this sounds morbid.
Can you provide any links to any of the malicious things that they said, wrote, or videoed?
Thanks.
Hi ScareCrow,
IWhen the group realized they were facing legal action for their criminal behaviors, they removed the material. In fact, they’ve taken the hub website completely offline–for now. However, removing the material doesn’t undo the damage they did. I want to find the remaining identities and then publicize the case, so they can’t do this to other people in the future.
Actually, some of their stuff in blurb-form are still in other caches, and praise for them from some blogs run by BPD girls with specific mention of your name and comments on those sites lashing out at you. In one blurb I saw how the core group is laughing and ridiculing ‘warning’ readers that the video ‘contains violent and sexual content’ but when you click on the core site – you see its disabled. These blurbs and sister-sites still specify your name.
I’ve also noticed in Canada and England, men with BPD and NPD respectively try to claim instead they are either bipolar (for BPD) or have Aspergers or Schizoid (for NPD.) Seems more to me that those male nurses are NPDs and BPDs with great sympathy for crazy women, and pretending to be something else.
I have a cyber-bully/stalker who uses her blog to try to destroy my livelihood and reputation. one of her techniques is to pose as various professionals to try to diagnose me with anti-social personality disorder. i found this humorous since we are talking about someone here who is known to me (indeed was my fiancee) and someone who’s writing style is very well known to me since we were once partners in co-authorship of a blog. she also makes use of countless other aliases and attempts to get me to rise to some sort of bait and switch scheme (i.e. she honestly believes anyone who would dare disagree with her is an abusive bully) to project her own phantasmagorical fantasies about real life situations in some sort of victim/victimization scheme…i digress. All i really wanted to say was thanks for this site Dr. P, it has helped me realize that many people out there have had similar run-ins with Cluster B types, made me feel more empowered and knowledgeable about how to avoid future entanglements and I wanted to offer my very strong moral support for you against this cyber-bullying attack. Unfortunately my Cluster B drained my account…
Thanks, alarryk. Sorry you had your own run-in with these types. They shouldn’t be allowed to get away with these behaviors.
I remeber the article and wondered why it diaappeared. I thought it was great and bumped it back to the front of the forum because I thought it was too good to be allowed to just fade into obscurity. Shortly after, “POOF!” it was gone. Now, I understand why.
Hang in there, Dr T. I can personally testify that your insight has awakened me and others to truths hidden for far too long, and have allowed us to breathe clean psychic air.
Somewhat off topic but on a lighter note, I attach this link to an article (humorous) on Cracked.com that exposes Cosmo relationship advice:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html
Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-a-lack-of-empathy-is-the-root-of-all-evil-2262371.html
Dr. T.
Have you considered using a service such as Reputation Defender? I use it:
http://www.reputation.com/
The problem with proceeding with legal action is that it draws more attention to the bully’s claims. Reputation Defender can ensure that anything the bullies created to defame you or any claims they have made will be quickly identified and removed from the internet. On top of that, Reputation Defender can prime the search engines to show only those things you want known about you.
Do you have a target financial goal for your defense fund? How close are you to reaching it?
Hi Tom,
Thank you very much for your support. I’m genuinely touched by the kind emails and generous donations many people have sent (personal thank you emails on the way—just need to finish my next article first:^)
I’m about 1/10 of the way to what I think I’ll need. We still have some time yet, so fingers crossed, touch wood, etc., etc.
Kind Regards,
Dr T
Apparently sites just for the sole purpose of posting unsubstantiated trash about people are becoming more commmon: http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2011/04/08/17918456.html
Behind you 100%.
Thanks, Natalie!
Dr Palmatier, this article just appeared at The Spearhead which discussed this very same issue. You may wish to peruse it for some ideas/support.
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/04/08/free-speech-and-the-men%E2%80%99s-rights-movement-pt-ii/
I’m not sure i understand this? A bunch of psychotic women get upset by an article stating the obvious (that they’re psychotic), and then (barely ironically) go on to *prove* your point (that they are psychotic) by being psychotic online? Just delete the stupid comments, ban the IPS, and publicise them back for the idiots they are?
It’s impossible to smear the truth. Expose them for the cowardly and vile little brats they are.
I’m from the UK (south London), and to be honest i’m shocked it’s an NHS ring-led thing. Each comment would have had an IP, which could be geo-located with relative precision. I say you take these details and publish them online for everyone to see. Throw them to the wolves.
As much as i want to be pro-boundary-enforcement, i’d be doubtful about how effective legal action would be here. It would be expensive, and presumably under libel laws (and/or harassment). If they’re obsessive, all they need do is post via a proxy server to remain anonymous to any court or ISP.
I’d suggest you identify these individuals publicly, and supply the evidence of their disgusting behaviour to their NHS employers – it’s a travesty they should be involved in healthcare. I know this site has a predominantly American readership, but i can assure you that the majority UK mindset finds their particular kind of revolting crap absolutely objectionable and won’t tolerate it – especially because of how precious the NHS is in the national psyche (don’t mess with the NHS). Nobody is going to pity them if you out them with proof (i believe the UK public is a lot less sympathetic than the US when it comes to this).
Bear in mind that these people are just as vulnerable to exposure as you are, and you shouldn’t spare them. They hurt your feelings? So what? Nobody knows but you, and all their efforts will fade away unsung. Losing their jobs, and/or being exposed in the press, will be a lot more effective than a court order not to post mean things via their home wireless internet connection.
What i can offer though, is my undivided and 100% dedicated support here in the UK. if you need any logistical back-up, research, help or action taken, i’m very happy to send over my contact details. Also plenty of press contacts, as well as legitimate resources to make their lives suddenly very different in terms of taking responsibility for their behaviour. I believe in behaviour/consequence and action/reaction, not mindless spite. Measured, responsible, indicated and justified action taken in response to destructive behaviour in order to reduce it.
These people should NOT be working in the NHS under any circumstances, and you have a greater responsibility to the patients they serve to bring the moonlighting to light, so to speak.
It’s about time we took these individuals on, collectively, punitively and responsibly, in something other than a therapeutic context.
Isn’t “sociopathy” antisocial personality disorder, which is in and of itself a B personality disorder?
The fight is still on.
Time to pass the hat again.
I just came across this today, and have seen you post in many articles so maybe you can answer this question. Has this situation been resolved? I’m still fairly new here but the information I get from Dr. T has helped recover some lost sanity to exgf and exw. Does she still need support?
Hi armypryde,
It’s done. They may still be spewing their gobbledygook, but I don’t go looking for it and, frankly, don’t care anymore. I’m still here. I won.
Nevertheless, donations to the site are always appreciated.
Thanks for asking!
Dr Tara