What does “My Truth” mean to narcissists and borderlines?
Short answer: Run for cover! Incoming one-sided, self-serving bullshit! In other words, you’re about to experience the weaponization of personal narratives—many of which are likely false or greatly exaggerated, distorted projections.
“My Truth” is a variation of a common refrain frequently weaponized by narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, and other chronic not-truth-tellers. Whether it’s “My Truth,” “Honoring My Feelings,” “Just Being Honest,” “Brutal Honesty,” or “But My Feelings Are Real to Me,” it’s all the same emotional manipulation. When you hear one of these, grab your hip waders and a pooper scooper—the manipulation manure is about to get deep.
“My Truth” is also a form of personal historical revisionism—a tool narcissists and borderlines use to rewrite reality and justify their abusive behavior. Through this lens, their cruelty, manipulation, and deceit are reframed as righteous acts of self-defense or heroism. In their minds, they aren’t the ones hurting others; they’re simply protecting themselves against wrongs they claim were done to them. This twisted narrative is how they shift blame, demand empathy, and dodge accountability.
When someone with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) tosses their word salad as “My Truth,” it’s usually just an unapologetic rationalization for harmful behaviors like infidelity or taking advantage of you. Or they’re using “My Truth” as part of a smear campaign or justification when, for example, they’re caught lying in family court about being abused by an ex-partner.
By framing their behavior as “truth,” they shift blame, demand empathy, and sidestep accountability—all while constructing a false narrative. Don’t be fooled: their “truth” isn’t about facts; it’s about controlling the story and justifying their actions to serve their own interests.
What “My Truth” Means to Narcissists and Borderlines: The Weaponization of Personal Narratives
“My Truth” is yet another example of therapy psychobabble that’s been hijacked to justify abuse, psychological dysfunction, and emotional immaturity. Certain therapists—those who enable and excuse narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic personality-disordered clients—have redefined this concept to fit their clients’ needs.
Correction: These therapists primarily enable and excuse their female NPD, BPD, and HPD clients, not their male counterparts. Although, some do for male borderlines, but it’s less common. “My Truth” is just another manipulation tactic in the Accountability Avoidance Arsenal™.
The rise of YouTubers, Instagram influencers, and other self-appointed “experts” with no formal psychological credentials only adds fuel to the fire. Even the so-called “narcissistic abuse survivor” social media marketers—many of whom pander to an emotionally immature (and likely personality-disordered) female audience—are profiting from this dysfunction.
While this “rebranding” of BS appeals to immature or disordered men as well, when women perpetrate this kind of deception, it’s often lauded as “brave.” When men spin obvious lies as “My Truth,” there’s usually some serious rolling side-eye—as there should be. For clarity: people—men and women alike—who present lies as truth to justify abusive behavior aren’t “brave.” They’re dishonest manipulators engaging in DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender).
They twist their refusal to take responsibility into a badge of emotional health and growth, while pathologizing their victims’ normal reactions to the abuse—like hurt, confusion, and anger. It’s pathological or, as I like to call it, totally effed up.
“My Truth” Doesn’t Justify Acting Like an Abusive Jerk
To any “My Truthers” reading this: Behaving like an emotionally flatulent liar isn’t courageous truth-telling. Refusing to take responsibility for your actions isn’t personal growth, and losing control of your emotions and lashing out at others isn’t a sign of strength. Being a raging asshole and playing the professional victim afterward doesn’t reflect good character—quite the opposite, in fact. Denying objective reality and demanding that others hop on the crazy train to reenact The Emperor’s New Clothes with you is just plain delusional. Wow, Empress Buck Naked–most amazing royal vestments ever!
Labeling your self-serving dishonest takes on your cruelty and selfishness as “My Truth” doesn’t obligate others to provide you with on-demand validation whenever you emote. Especially when you do it in ways that harm others. Furthermore, people who won’t validate your dishonesty and cruelty aren’t abusing you. Let me repeat that: people who refuse to validate your selfishness and dishonesty are not abusing you.
Refusing to validate your deceitful distortions, blame-shifting, projections, and gaslighting also doesn’t necessarily mean your partner has an “avoidant attachment style” or that they don’t know how to handle conflict. It likely means they’re tired of dealing with your abuse and emotional dysregulation. See the difference?
What Do “My Truth” and “Honoring My Feelings” Mean to Emotionally Mature Adults?
Let’s shift focus from the “My Truthers” to emotionally mature adults—those who care about fact-based, objective reality. For most “normies,” neurotics, and codependents, there is no “My Truth”—there’s just the truth. Sure, we all have personal opinions and subjective emotional experiences, but these may or may not align with objective facts. That’s why we engage in reality testing and manage cognitive dissonance when necessary.
Narcissists and borderlines, however, often confuse feelings with facts. When they experience emotional dysregulation—whether it’s a rage episode or a self-pitying, validate-me victim meltdown—they frequently rewrite the story afterward. Once the dust settles, “My Truth” becomes their justification for abusive behavior. It’s how they frame their inability to self-regulate as someone else’s fault, rationalizing the harm they inflict as “deserved.”
Sometimes, the abuse is premeditated and calculated to cause pain. In these cases, “My Truth” becomes a form of personal historical revisionism, deliberately rewriting past events to absolve themselves of wrongdoing and paint themselves as the victim or brave warrior. In their minds, they aren’t the abusers—they’re the ones who were wronged. Attacking you and other targets of blame is portrayed as righting these “wrongs.”
So, How Do Emotionally Mature Adults Regulate Their Feelings?
1) Acknowledge your feelings to yourself.
Recognize that you’re having feelings and then accurately identify them. Even for non-disordered adults, it can be tough to recognize when emotions are steering you off course. Acknowledging your feelings and grounding yourself in reality separates emotionally mature individuals from those who let their emotions run the show.
Many people who grew up with NPD/BPD parents weren’t allowed to have their own feelings. They were mirrors for mom or dad, who often dictated what they “should” feel. For example, a client’s 10-year-old son in reunification therapy was asked to describe his feelings. The boy replied, “I don’t know what I feel until [undiagnosed BPD] mom tells me what I feel.” Adult clients with difficulty identifying their own emotions often have similar experiences rooted in childhood.
2) Accept that while your feelings are valid, they may or may not be related to present-day events.
Something objectively benign in the present might rip the scab off an old wound or trauma from the past. In those cases, the old trauma needs attention—not the person in front of you who likely unwittingly poked the sore spot. This is where reality testing comes in. Reality testing means comparing your emotional response to the facts of the situation to make sure your feelings align with reality. Self-soothing is how you calm and regulate your emotions, rather than relying on others to do it for you. Both skills are crucial for emotionally mature adults.
You might say something like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, but it’s not about you. Something you said triggered a painful memory from my childhood. I need some space to process it before continuing our conversation.” This is how you can honor your feelings without hurting others.
3) Accept that no one else is obligated to care about your feelings (including strangers on the internet).
Your feelings, while real to you, are not other people’s responsibility—especially if those feelings drive destructive behavior. It’s important to remember that your emotions don’t entitle you to empathy, especially if you’re using them to manipulate or harm others like narcissists and borderlines do.
In relationships, emotional maturity means understanding that while your partner or friend may care about your feelings, they are not obligated to tolerate abuse or dysfunction in response to those emotions. This concept applies even more to strangers, whether on the Internet or in real life. Seeking validation from strangers for emotional outbursts or unregulated feelings won’t fix the underlying issues—and in many cases, it just pushes people away.
Expecting constant validation from others, especially online, creates an unhealthy dependency and encourages avoidance of self-reflection and emotional responsibility. Real growth comes from managing your own feelings, not demanding others manage them for you.
4) Accept that it’s your responsibility to reality test and self-soothe (i.e., emotionally self-regulate).
Failing to reality-test or self-soothe often leads to destructive outcomes—both in relationships and within yourself. Misunderstandings, resentment, and unnecessary conflict arise, causing damage that could have been avoided by simply taking a step back and regulating your emotions. If you don’t know how to reality test and self-soothe, it’s your responsibility to learn. Expecting others to do it for you is not only unfair—it doesn’t work!
When you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic or borderline partner, it’s common to lose your ability to both reality-test and emotionally regulate. When your life centers around emotional fire prevention—preventing, extinguishing, and cleaning up the NPD/BPD’s acts of emotional arson—your emotional regulation can become dependent on their dysregulation. Their gaslighting, projection, and “My Truth-erism” can distort your perception of reality. That’s why it’s crucial to make a conscious effort to reality-test and practice self-care and self-soothing independent of your narcissistic or borderline partner.
Taking responsibility for your emotions and learning to self-regulate isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It’s the key to healthier relationships and a more grounded sense of self. Don’t be afraid to seek help or guidance if you’re struggling with these skills—it’s a sign of growth, not weakness.
Conclusion: “My Truth” is Gaslighting
“My Truth” is nothing more than the weaponization of personal narratives, twisted into a form of historical revisionism. Honoring one’s feelings, isn’t license to lash out one’s unresolved issues on others. That’s emotional dysregulation—an adult temper tantrum—and it’s unacceptable. True emotional growth requires the ability to self-regulate, not dumping anger, hurt, and resentment onto others and pretending it’s some sort of enlightened behavior. That’s dysfunction, plain and simple.
Some therapists, particularly those who enable unhealthy behaviors, advocate “co-regulating” an NPD/BPD partner’s emotions. To clarify: co-regulation is something adults do for children, not other adults (Murray et al. 2015, 14). It involves providing supportive, warm interactions that help children learn to manage their own emotions. It is not your job to emotionally manage a narcissistic or borderline partner. Expecting someone to co-regulate another adult’s emotional chaos is not only unfair—it’s deeply unhealthy. And I repeat, it doesn’t work—not long-term, anyway.
Those who use “My Truth” as a justification for abusive or destructive behavior aren’t brave truth-tellers. They’re manipulative liars, using this phrase to avoid taking personal responsibility for their actions. As such, it’s self-serving nonsense. If you believe it, you’re enabling your own abuse.
No one’s obligated to deal with your emotional mess if you aren’t willing to take responsibility for it yourself. Reframing abuse, emotional dysregulation, lack of empathy, and refusal to take accountability for your actions as bravery or honesty isn’t just manipulation—it’s gaslighting. “My Truth” is gaslighting, plain and simple. Refusing to validate a narcissist’s or borderline’s gaslighting and projections doesn’t make you an abuser. It makes you someone who’s standing up for yourself and rejecting their abuse.
Bottom Line: Focus on Healing
If you’ve been gaslighted by a partner or ex using “My Truth” to distort reality, it’s essential to focus on healing. Seek support from a therapist who understands these issues and can help you rebuild your self-awareness, re-learn emotional self-regulation, and manage the cognitive dissonance that comes from being in an abusive relationship. Healing from these toxic dynamics is possible, and it starts by taking back control of your emotions and objective reality—not someone else’s distorted version of it.
Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. Since 2009, she’s specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from the trauma. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to work with Dr. Palmatier, please visit the Schedule a Session page or you can email her directly at [email protected].
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