CrazyBuster, Micksbabe, gives us some more “food for thought” with an interesting article about female manipulation and how it is used in the family court system. – Dr T
And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
~ Genesis, Chapter 3, Verse 6, King James version of the Bible
I’m not going to argue the accuracy of a story “written” before not only written language, but also, before language itself existed.
Suffice to say, since humans invented written language, humans have been writing about how the “weaker” of the human species, manipulates her stronger counter-part.
- Sarah cast out her husband Abraham’s second wife, Hagar, and her son Ishmael (her husband’s first son), into the desert to die, out of jealousy, spear-heading a war that is still going on today.
- Helen of Troy’s face caused the Trojan Wars and launched a thousand ships.
- Cleopatra conspired with Mark Antony against Augustus, resulting in Antony (and ultimately, Cleopatra, too) committing suicide.
- Catherine the Great had affairs with her military chiefs, who gladly did her bidding to kill her imbecile husband when she gave the orders.
Women have been manipulative since the very beginning of time. The Feminist Movement didn’t start it – not by a long shot. Women learned to be manipulative as a survival mechanism, as a means to securing a livelihood for ourselves and our children.
As a young girl growing up, not too far back in recent history, these were the messages and “rules” that I was taught, literally and implied:
1. Get thyself a husband – preferably one who makes a lot of money.
2. A man will love you more if you bear him children, but he will love you even more if you bear him a son. My parents tried (me) and tried (my sister) until, FINALLY, my brother was born and then they quit breeding because they had succeeded.
3. Sex is a tool, to be guarded and used as a reward to the man who treats the way you OUGHT TO BE TREATED (whatever THAT means). A woman who “gives it up” freely is a slut.
If you think I’m exaggerating, check out the book called, The Rules. I find the premise of this book insulting, but not shocking. At least Fein and Schneider are honest about it.
Being a rule breaker, I failed to adhere to most of “The Rules.” I managed to have some relationship luck without being manipulative, though. Thankfully, my husband doesn’t consider me slutty because I don’t demand a new car every time we have sex.
The scary part of the inherently manipulative nature of women is that manipulation works well in the court system. Can you imagine the amount of alimony and child support that Cleopatra would have received for bearing children to both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony? Toss in an entitled Personality Disorder with the ability to believe their own lies, and that woman is in HCP (high-conflict people) Heaven in family court.
The problem, in my opinion, is that Judges are not, in most cases, mental health professionals. And their egos are too huge to consider that they, themselves are being manipulated. While some divorce/custody cases include mental health evaluations, getting a diagnosis of having a personality disorder is rarely enough to reverse custody or, for that matter, significantly factor in the outcome of the rulings. It definitely should factor, though.
I know a man who was ordered to not only give custody of his five children to his high-conflict, personality disordered wife, but also ordered to fork over almost a million dollars to her, which she promptly blew, and within five years, was penniless and living in a mental institution. No Judge would order money to be handed over to a 10-year old to manage on their own, yet HCPs with the emotional maturity of a 10-year old (or younger), are regularly awarded custody and alimony and child support, with no accountability, ability to manage, or supervision over the funds.
Having a personality disorder is a disability of sorts, but in cases of child custody and divorce, having a personality disorder should be the kiss of death. The people who suffer most gravely from these disorders are their children and spouses, not the high-conflict, personality disordered individual.
Given the HCP’s propensity for emotionally abusing and PAS’ing (parental alienation) their own children against the other parent, high-conflict, abusive personality disordered individuals should NEVER be awarded primary custody of a child. Nor, given their emotional immaturity and lack of personal accountability, should these individuals receive unmonitored amounts of monies from their former spouse.
I think the only hope for reform and fairness in family courts is to mandate extensive mental health evaluations in contentious divorce cases. Paying for mental health evaluations up front, could actually be more cost effective than the alternative endless court wranglings with a litigious high-conflict PD.
As a result, Family Court Judges may be less likely to be manipulated into believing that the Mother is automatically the better parent by virtue of having the Uterus.
Thanks, Micksbabe! – Dr T
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.
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