For anyone who’s interested, I’ll be a guest on Paul Elam’s A Voice for Men Radio program on BlogTalkRadio next Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9pm EST. It will be the fourth show since the program’s debut on March 1st.
AVFM Radio already has a strong growing following and, much like Mr Elam’s website, www.AVoiceforMen.com, it’s helping to expose the injustices perpetrated against men and their children by Divorce and Family Courts as well as the epidemic of false abuse and false rape allegations.
We’ll be taking callers, so if you have questions or a story you’d like to share, please call or Skype in on show night. I’m a little nervous about being on air live, but hopefully I won’t make a complete fool of myself. I’d be very grateful for any friendly Shrink4Men folks (this includes you, too, ladies) who can find the time to call in and say, “hi.”
I’ll Tweet and post a reminder on Facebook next Tuesday to remind those of you who follow Shrink4Men via these avenues. If you’re unavailable on the 22nd, I’ll post and embed the show here on Shrink4Men the following day.
If you have specific questions for me, please post them in the comments section here. If we have time, I’ll try to respond to them during the program. Hope to “see” you there!
Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
Good luck and don’t worry too much. Paul is an excellent host and will treat you with respect. I am sure he recognizes the dedication you have made to better understanding the current mess of men-woman relationships.
There are many, many men who need to recognize what is essentially a raw deal for them in modern relationships and that their notions of male honor, chivalry can be used by some women to walk over them again and again. I hope you discuss how a man can be firm and maintain his resolve against these types of shaming tactics.
The woman I am involved with (on an off-and-on basis) is fully aware of my involvement in the MRM, and my knowledge of no-fault divorce, marriage 2.0, as well as the various concepts covered in your website. She tries to subtly undermine this knowledge, without offering any alternative herself, thinking that the existing bluepill definition of maleness is appropriate.
Trying to explain to her that marriage is like the dud hand grenade analogy (sticking hand in box of live grenades hoping to pull out the dud) and which requires I protect my interests just doesn’t get through to her. I have also explained to her what “s#@t tests” are and that I am not interested in playing them, and this keeps her claws sheathed, but in essence, we do not have a relationship built on mutual respect.
Oh puleeze…you’re going to do fine. That’s awesome and congrats! Defiantly be tuning in.
Just remember, EVERYBODY looks 10lbs heavier on radio….
Very funny!
Dr. T, if you communicate even half as well verbally as you do on this blog, you’ll do just fine. I probably won’t be able to catch it live, so will there be a podcast/archive download we can access?
sure, you can go to avoiceformen.com and click on the logo at the top of the screen which takes you to another screen. There is where all the past episodes are listed, and you can select the one to play live streaming, or download to your computer.
I also believe that the podcasts are also uploaded to youtube a few days after airing.
Got it. Thanks!
Best tip I got from a media course for when talking on radio: don’t be afraid to use facial and hand gestures like normal, because voices sound different when you are smiling and frowning, and you want your feelings to come across in your voice.
I love doing radio. Talk back is MUCH less scary when you have some advanced warning of the questions though!
Thanks, KH. The only way I can NOT gesticulate is if I’m in restraints—and even then, I’m pretty sure I’d be flopping around.
Questions for Dr. Tara to answer on the show:
1) What subject did you choose for your dissertation?
2) Did you notice any misandry (overt or covert) within your discipline from other students or professors while you were in school?
3) How are you perceived by your colleagues in your opinion, especially in regard to taking up men’s rights and issues?
4) Was there one incident or person that made you choose to become a “shrink for men”? If so, what was it?
5) What is it that you ultimately hope to achieve in your work with your own website and with your involvement with A Voice For Men?
Of course we probably won’t have time on AVfM Radio, but being a fan of James Lipton, Bernard Pivot, and the Proust Questionnaire:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_the_Actors_Studio
Hearing your answers to James Lipton’s 10 questions would be interesting.
Good questions, Tom. I’m sorry we didn’t get to any of them. I was surprised by the number of people who called in and that we didn’t have enough time to get to.
Let Me answer your q’s now:
1) Ce ci n’est pas une these: An applied psychoanalysis of Rene Magritte. It focuses on early childhood bereavement and creative outcomes.
2) Yup. Many classes included male bashing.
3) I don’t interact with many colleagues as I’m in private practice. Occasionally, I receive shaming emails from other practitioners about how I should have more sympathy for personality disordered women who abuse others because they’re in pain.
4) A friend I helped through the end of an abusive relationship encouraged me to start writing this stuff down, so I did.
5) I’d like to raise public awareness on this topic and provide men with the same kinds of resources our society gives to women in similar situations. I’d also like to be able to earn a living from doing the work about which I’m passionate. Unlike the field of psychology has been preaching since Managed Care screwed them over, I don’t believe helping others should require one to take a vow of poverty. Gotta love it. The chair of my doc program and other profs used to tell trainees how Psychology is a “calling” because we would only be able to make a meager living from it. Mind you, they said this with straight faces while charging us over $25,000/year tuition and driving to their western Massachusetts homes in their BMWs, Saabs and Mercedes.
Here’s a question that just came to me:
In your experience, are men who were abused as children/teenagers/young adults by their mothers (who had or exhibited traits of Cluster B personality disorders) typically more susceptible to abuse from Cluster B girlfriends/wives, or less susceptible? Regardless of which one it is, please explain the reasons and dynamics for why that is the case.
I think so. They’ve been primed for predators, so to speak.
lovekraft has an interesting story that is probably not rare. Women who are much younger than I am seem to have an odd idea of independence. They want to be free to do exactly as they like but also want me to be there to pick them up if they fall.
I’d like to hear about your experience working at a women’s shelter and with feminist colleagues.
I can’t wait, it’s going to be a great show. Thanks so much Dr. T. 🙂
Good luck! I agree you’ll do fine. Can’t wait to hear. ^_^
I did radio in college – you’ll be fine, trust me! If you have to go the the bathroom, just ask Paul to play “Inna Gadda Da Vida”. 🙂
A question: What do you think abused men need to do in order to level the playing field in the courtroom and in accessing services (legal, shelter, etc.)?
Thanks!
All the best, Dr. T – you’re too humble – I’m sure you’ll be great!
In fact, I often think that ‘Shrink for Men’ just by itself should become a radio show. It would be SO useful – with an ‘Ask Dr. T’ segment and a main section where you discuss a topic and have a guest on for expert (or otherwise) advice. You’ve done so much great service to so many men, and to women like me too (who faced abusive female siblings in their families, or were picked on by the mean girls in high school, and later found myself as an unofficial ‘free shrink’ and confidante to many of my male buddies and colleagues in architecture and engineering who had had abusive relations with cluster B women and didn’t know who to ask, since sources like this were not available for eons.)
If any questions for the show, just these(I’m sure there won’t be time and there’ll be plenty of callers already):
(1) Why has it been so long and hard for many institutions to recognize the double standards in our society regarding the abuse of men in relationships or speak openly about it? Most institutions still don’t and refuse to take a 360 degree view of truth. How has this passivity and tolerance attributed to more abuse silently faced by many men in both personal and business relations with toxic women?
(2) On your site you have written many thoroughly researched articles on the characteristics, ploys and behavioral patterns of manipulation and abuse done by APD women. What would you say instead are the more intrinsic characteristics of emotionally healthy and non-abusive women?
(3) What do you think have been the pros and cons of the feminist movement? And how has both extreme feminism as well as the present-day female ‘age of entitlement’ promoted by uber-materialistic female consumerist sections contributed in ‘legitimizing’or enabling injustice and abuse to men, both in relationships and in divorce-custody settlements?
I have to say, I think that’s a really great question! If a man’s familial and “romantic” relationships with women have predominantly (or exclusively) been with dysfunctional, Cluster B types, how is he going to know when he’s with a woman who’s “normal”? His frame of reference is probably going to be so warped by that point that he’ll truly have no clue.
Dr. T, its good that you are challenging society on the dialectic of gender and abuse via your website/blog.
– Do you see the culture of therapy and social services in America as being biased in favor of women? If so, is that a bad thing?
– If much of the ‘therapy culture’ in America has become radically influenced by feminism and female-centric views, how can men who work as mental health professionals challenge the therapuetic community to empower male clients without minmizing the advances of modern feminism???
– You’ve written about Cluster B/HCP females using the ‘damsel in distress’ and other manipulations to elicit sympathy from others and to shift the attention from their abusive behavior. How do you determine that the person seeking help (let’s say a male) isn’t simply looking for someone to validate and enable their genuinely abusive behaviors towards others???
regards,
dietrich
Dr. T:
You have a lovely voice!
Been listening to the show…when you discuss the effects these women have on their ‘partners’ (quoted b/c they have not been treated like partners, but rather like subjects / slaves), it brings it all back. I am fighting the tears in my eyes, thinking of a good friend, and the shape he was in when he first started telling me about his marriage…he reminds me of myself back before I left my AXH (NPD): Constantly apologizing, feeling responsible for things having nothing to do with him, forgoing his needs for others(IMO inviting abuse)…oh! If I could just get that piece of glass out of his eye, a la Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Snow Queen” / Brothers Grimm’s Snow White.
Like so many other life situations, it’s only after we get out of it that we can look back with clear eyes and see how miserable things really were (are). Keep fighting the good fight, Dr., and I will keep sending as many men in need to this site as are willing. Hang in there, men, and also the good women who actually love them (those of you who feel blessed and appreciative).
Praying for his and all others’ release from bondage…
Great job, Tara! Great sense of humor, too. I’ve called in a couple times, now, and I have a hard time just being my normal self. Quite nervous.
Gotta get back into Toastmasters I think….